Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you I think you are both likely correct, he was very forgiving. I just wish I could have one more hour with him to say I am sorry and that I had always loved him. I was just so scared all of the time and he was the one person I had always relied on to make everything ok. When he couldn't do that anymore I just felt completely lost and in a child's way I blamed him for leaving me and not making everything ok. I truly am sorry.

tea_lover

Being angry at someone for dying is perfectly natural. It happens no matter how old you and they are, and no matter the circumstances. So it's no surprise at all that you felt that as a child in that situation. It doesn't mean you love the person any less, or that you don't understand their reasons. Grief is a b*tch.

Georgiegirl256

You know that I can relate in many ways WaS. I hate how that last day with my Dad went, wished I'd sat with him and held his hand, spoke to him more to reassure him etc and would give anything to have one more hour with him too, or even just one more of his hugs. They'll both know how much we loved them and adored them WaS.

Waves_and_Smiles

Grief is horrid, tea and mine was delayed for years. I didn't even cry for my dad for 3 years I just felt nothing but hurt and anger because I didn't understand why he left me. Plus if things were bad before they really went to Hell after he died and I was my mother's sole carer and I resented him for leaving me with that responsibility. It took until I was 16 and developed a more adult perspective on it before I could truly realise how sad I was and how much I truly missed him.

Your dad loved you just as much as mine loved me, Georgie. That is obvious from what you have posted about him. We both did all we could but it still doesn't stop it hurting. Big hugs to you I know how it feels to want just a little more time.

mellymoo74

WaS when my dad was dying g the councillor I saw asked me if I was angry with him because of my childhood.
Nope angry with him for leaving though

whitewing

Do you all think that's it then when someone dies? I'm not religious but I have always quite liked the idea that some kind of spirit is still around sometimes, which would mean that fathers are fully aware of how loved they are and that you are sorry.

WaS, maybe your dad felt that you would get more help when he was gone. But you were all going through so much that you all made decisions that you wouldn't have made under different circumstances.

I am having a bdp moment this week. I feel upset because I am not getting enough praise with my exercising. I mastered a couple of things over the xmas period because I have been practising. I thought I was a lot better than before xmas. I also couldn't do one new thing very quickly because I am not fit enough, which held everyone else up. Now I know it is fine to do what I can and just keep trying but I feel disappointed that I struggled so near the beginning of the class. I know logically that this is just borderline personality features but it is feels strange.

Waves_and_Smiles

I know just how you felt, Melly. I felt abandoned by my dad. he had always been my rock who solved everything for me. I was lost without him for years.

Aw big hugs whitewing, I know how things like that can make you feel. Although it annoys me despite all of my therapy for BPD I still need to be told I am doing well, my self-esteem is so low that unless people reassure me I feel like I'm failing. Keep clinging onto the logic, you know it isn't a competition and you have worked hard and got better! Well done for that! Be kind to yourself you deserve it.

jobbingmusician

Gosh, it does look as if there's some really hard work going on with people on this thread working on themselves and facing some real CBP's from the past. Do remember to love yourself and treat yourself kindly - like you would treat a friend xxxxxx

I've done a concert today as a favour to a young friend who is launching herself as a conductor. It went really well - I was by far the oldest in the orchestra though, which was a bit scary! (All the others were students or just post student :eek:)

whitewing

I am actually wondering if the fact that my coil came out is making my mh slightly worse, now that I don't have the steady release of hormone. (My symptoms are nowhere near as bad as it used to be, and it least it is highlighting how much my mh has improved since the therapy and antidepressants).

hbs, well done on the competition, and jm on the concert. I am in awe of bendy, musical people.

whitewing

welly,

something to cheer you up....

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3388878/Baby-brain-myth-New-mothers-BETTER-workers-able-deal-stress.html