Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Pyxis

Yes, so sorry, HBS.

(((((((HBS))))))))))

Was it right out of the blue?

I suppose they didn't want to let on before Christmas, which is something to be said for them, I suppose.

Waves_and_Smiles

So sorry to hear that, HBS. As Pyxis says it sounds like they didn't want to drop the bombshell before Christmas, it's still horrid though.

What a beautiful kitty! I want cuddles!

Tea, I am so sorry to hear what you went through. Do you know how strong you are to have remained so stable through what was clearly a very difficult marriage? I really do admire you.

That's awful Melly! I am glad you told the police, when is the floating support worker due? Make sure you tell them, too.

Sorry you still feel so unwell Pyxis. Bad colds are horrid!

I love your shoes, MU! We missed you!

Penguin- I am feeling a little better. I realised the Lemmy situation reminded me of my dad's suicide. After he had, had his leg amputated and was being treated with medication for a clot in the other leg he decided he didn't want to be here anymore. He already had advanced heart disease so he knew his time was short. I remember him holding my hand and crying and saying he couldn't ever work again and that now my mother and he would both need care and that he was sorry. I had already been my mothers main carer for a year and he knew that a lot of his care would fall onto to me, too. It makes me feel guilt that one of the reasons he may have took his life was because he thought it was better for me. Also he knew he would likely lose his other leg and his heart was failing fast, I think he decided it was better to go on his own terms before I became his carer and he inevitably deteriorated.

This has bought a lot of those memories back and although I do understand why my dad made the decision he did it still hurts all of these years later. We weren't on the best of terms before he died, he had become too ill to care for my mother so it had fallen onto me, I was 12 and just felt afraid all of the time and as if it was my responsibility to keep them both alive, I was living an adults life. I lashed out at him because I felt he had abandoned me and he lashed out at me because he didn't know what else he could do and felt his own guilt. I wish things could have been better between before he died. I hope he knew I was only angry because I was so scared and I loved him so much and didn't want him to leave me.

End penguin

Pyxis

WaS, I'm sure your dad understood why you were angry.
Penguin
As JM said in an earlier post, to have the right to determine one's own demise is a must. Your Dad was ill, he was afraid of being a double amputee with a failing heart, he had seen the burden on you from your mother, and he wanted to save you from more burden, no doubt. The best gift you could give him, even after all these years, is to say to him that that's ok dad, you can let go, I understand and I forgive you.

My dad died from a cancer, at a very young age, when I was a child, and that loss affected my upbringing, my development into adulthood and still affects me today. It must be infinitely worse for you, given the situation with your mother and the fact that your dad took his own life,. However, you had a good relationship with him for a lot of the time, so if you can forgive him, he will be at peace and so will you.End penguin


The trouble with colds is that they always go to my chest. I thought I'd got away with it this time, as the streaming only lasted 2+ days! but no! wham! Onto my chest, productive cough and spasms etc. which are dragging on. Bummer.

Waves_and_Smiles

Penguin reply to Pyxis- I am so sorry to hear about your dad. You are right, it is time to forgive and let it go. It took me a long time to realise that my dad probably didn't take his life out of sudden desperation. It was likely a thought out decision to save us all from the last months of his life, he knew he was dying. His body was throwing out blood clots all of the time, he had angina, he had had 2 heart attacks and 3 cardiac arrests within a year. There was nothing anyone could do, his heart was giving up and it was a matter of time.

My family told me he had killed himself because of his arguments with me and that I had driven him to it for the rest of the time I was in contact with them, I no longer believe that. However, I think I was a factor in his decision. He didn't want me to have to care for both my mother and himself and for me to see him deteriorate further. Of course, I would have without a second thought but no doubt I would have felt even more terrified and confused, I doubt he would have lived through even another 6 months naturally.

In someways it was a very brave decision and a very loving one. Despite my confused feelings I am glad that he was able to make the choice he wanted. End penguin.

tea_lover

Oh WaS, am sending you the biggest squishes. It was so wrong of your family to make you feel any guilt about this. I'm glad that you can now see that, but oh my goodness I'm so sorry you had to go through any of this. Am thinking of you and your dad xxx

Georgiegirl256

Big hugs (((WaS))) I can't even begin to imagine how hard things have been for you. From what you've said now and in the past, your Dad sounded like such a lovely guy, who thought the world of you. X x

tea_lover

So many poopy things happening to lovely thread people

Now I really hope I win that big jackpot, we need that giant duvet fort.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw thank you Tea and Georgie. He was a truly lovely man. We argued so much in the last two years of his life, me because I was confused, didn't understand and was terrified all of the time. Him because he was feeling guilt about my mothers care falling onto me and the fact the more ill he got the less able he was help. He also told me he was really scared once about what would happen to all 3 of us. Neither of us could speak to my mother about it so we took out all of our bad feelings on each other.

I see that as an adult but as a child I didn't it just felt like I had been abandoned by him and that he didn't like me anymore. So I lashed out. I hope he realised that I didn't hate him and I was just a frightened little child.

tea_lover

Oh sweetheart of course he knew that. You were just a child, and you were all in a terrible situation that no one should have to deal with.

Georgiegirl256

He will have realised WaS :grouphug: He'd have understood.