Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Pyxis

Welcome to the thread, Zippy.

So sorry to hear about your husband. It's the last thing he needs when his self-esteem is so low.

It's horrible to feel you've been left out. Even if they realised he wouldn't want to come, it wouldn't have hurt to have put him in the picture.

Look at it this way.......they are ignorant people, so feel sorry for them! They aren't worth socialising with anyway!
The best thing your husband can do is to act out a part of being quite happy about it all. It's important that he keeps being civil to them, and as friendly as he feels able to be, so that they don't have any more ammunition.

The friendlier he can be, the better. That'll confuse them, and make them realise that mental illness doesn't turn you into a werewolf!

They are scared because they don't understand, and they are scared that it is somehow 'catching'!
Because they are ignorant, they band together to 'hound' the person who is different, as it makes them feel safer. If your husband can find some mutual liking with even one person, that will create a chink of understanding that could grow into an acceptance.

I do feel that some type of therapy would be useful for your husband. Perhaps CBT? It is important to find the right therapist, though, and that can take a few false starts.


When WaS comes online, I'm sure she'll have some very useful suggestions.

Pyxis

Flybaby wrote: »

{MUsquish} **passes large tub of virtual ice cream over to MU**


Wordy question......long story - hubby and mum paying scrabble tonight - asked about plural of wolf, wolves, which led to discussion....chief stays as chiefs, but calf becomes calves and knife becomes knives..... they were asking me what the rule was and I said it was one of the gems of the English language - you just have to learn which f ending words change to v in plurals........is this correct? Thought the word peoples might know the honest answer or if there is actually a system/rule?

I would say that there is a general rule that a word ending in - f becomes plural by changing the -f to -ves. However, like all rules there are exceptions, and these just have to be learned.

If it's any help, the etymology can explain why there are differences. An awful lot of words ending in -f are of Germanic origin, and these tend to become plural with -ves. Others have a more Latin origin, like chief, and so become plural by adding -s only.

You just have to learn them, really!

mellymoo74

Possibly fly. Certainly worth a try

codemonkey

Think you guys may be correct about the grammar rules. We were never taught it in school, and going by some of the essays I saw wnen I worked at a uni, these days I think the lecturers are just happy to get course work that isn't written in text speak.

Hi zippy and welcome to our fort. I can totally sympathise with your OH. There is a clique in my office and they go out to lunch and have parties and they talk about it in front of people who aren't invited. I mean obviously they can invite who they like, but it still kind of transports me back to my awkward teenage self. The greater part of me thinks they are total cu next tuesdays who will hopefully get rampant yeast infections and piles.

Melly, is there any way you can add in a meal replacement shake to your regime in an effort to not lose anymore weight?

Morning Pyxis. 4 days. Eeek! :eek:

mellymoo74

That's what was in the smoothies code.
Can't drink them now throat closes up.

tea_lover

hello zippy - so sorry to hear about what's been happening with your OH. Being ignored at work is so horrible (and so childish - what is wrong with these people?!) I hope you're able to access some support for him, suggesting counselling again seems like a good idea. tale care xx.

Heard from FOH's mum this morning. She was lovely - totally agreed with me that he can't behave like this. She also said that she knows I had no choice but to end the relationship. (She'd been telling him for years to behave better towards me and that I was the best thing that ever happened to him lol). We both agree it's a shame that he's only just realised this now! I am really glad he's talking to her - getting him to open up about anything was always incredibly difficult. I just hate that he's struggling so much with this she said he's in a really bad way (which my mate who spoke to him yesterday also said). So now I feel like an utter cow of course because he's really upset and I keep calling the police. But I do see that him being upset does not give him licence to follow me around and scare me.

Her being nice to me has tipped me over the edge, I can't stop crying now. Which is awkward as I'm at work - am hiding behind my monitor.

Pyxis

Tea, maybe it's good to let the stress out, so have a good cry.

Of course, feel sorry for him because of the state he's in. Remember though, that feeling sorry for someone is not a good reason for relenting. His behaviour has not been that of someone who loves you, but of someone who feels they have been rejected unfairly.

He scared you witless, and now he has reduced you to tears with his actions. Yes, feel sorry for his pain, but you need peace and space.

Do try to get his things to him, because then you truly can start to move on. :A

(((((((((((Tea))))))))))!)!! And ~~~~~~~~Tea~~~~~~~~~



MessedUp, re. the freezer. Providing things have been frozen constantly, there is almost no limit to the amount of time they will be ok.
Over a very long period of time, what might happen is that the appearance and texture might change, the taste might fade, but it won't harm you.
Ice cream would be ok for a few months. After that the taste might dwindle. Try it and see!

Flybaby

tea - I too am very glad for your FOH that he is talking to his mum, but he has got serious issue to deal with if he received the call from the police and then still turned up at your church twice!
Please do NOT feel guilty - you are not trying to get him in trouble, you are trying to protect yourself. His issues are of his own making and I do not mean to sound harsh, but he is not your responsibility any more and if he sees or hears that you "feel" for him - in his current state, he will only take that as an "in" and continue.
Recommend you continue with your police appointment and also that you ask his mother if you can drop his things at her house sometime this week when he is not there (taking your dad just in case) as you no longer want to deal with him at all in relation to his things because of his behaviour.
{squishes} keep going lovely strong lady.

tea_lover

Flybaby wrote: »

His issues are of his own making and I do not mean to sound harsh, but he is not your responsibility any more and if he sees or hears that you "feel" for him - in his current state, he will only take that as an "in" and continue.

I hadn't thought of it like that, that's a really good point, thank you.

Am going to attempt to get his things packed up over Christmas but there is loads of it - including big stuff like bikes. Am going to need a lot of boxes!

whitewing

If you are feeling generous to yourself, tea, you could get a set of boxes from argos

http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Browse/ID72/33016004/c_1/1%7Ccategory_root%7CHome+and+garden%7C33005908/c_2/2%7C33005908%7CStorage%2C+desks+and+filing%7C33008937/c_3/3%7Ccat_33008937%7CMoving+house+packs+and+bubble+wrap%7C33016004.htm?tx=true&SEARCH_METADATA=uk.co.argos.ecommerce.search.util.SearchMetadata%4032283228

Although sad, it could also be quite cleansing to have him neatly packed away.