Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

codemonkey

Thank you guys. Kind of what I was thinking.

It's not that I want contact with him behind her back, because I'd be really uncomfortable with it (I stopped being friends with someone because I found out he'd been lying to his wife about meeting me) and I know wife trumps friend but it still hurts that he didn't just say 'she's my friend, deal with it' at the beginning, which is pretty much what I said to DH. Then again, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I wasn't trusted to pick my own friends and if DH tried to control me that way, he'd be out the door so fast he'd be dizzy. But you're right tea - he is quite weak and inexperienced so no match for her powers of manipulation.

As for wanting the marriage to fail, well, the nasty part of me wants her to get her comeuppance. But that's messy and nasty and tbh, I'd rather they be happy and hope that she does love him in her own way. I may still secretly wish that's she's plagued by something uncomfortable like frequent yeast infections. That's ok isn't it?

I think I'll let it play out the way it's supposed to but I doubt I'll ever trust him to be proper friends again. I used to let myself be walked over and gave people chances but since I realised that I don't really need people, these days I operate a scorched earth policy - screw me once and you're an acquaintence, do it again and you're dead to me.

tea_lover

It can take a while but I generally think people reap what they sow to some extent eventually. And yes I know that bad things happen to good people and I'm not for a second saying they deserve that! But if you treat people like dirt for long enough then one day you'll end up alone... even it does take a long time.

jobbingmusician

Hugs and squishes to all.

6 hours travel today (just in and out of London ) - hopefully back to the land of the living tomorrow!

Flybaby

Oh code - you angel - shovelglove seems like the perfect thing....you know me, I have about three different sledgehammers lying around. and the explanation of it makes perfect sense. I shall be starting tomorrow (with a broom to make sure my back can take the motion)!


And thank you all for encouraging words on exercise - it has greatly helped me feel better on that score today.


Code - I would agree with others that there is no right or wrong thing to have done. For what it is worth, I have a strong moral compass and more often than not, I end up being the baddie for saying something. There seems to be a real stigma attached to telling the truth or staying out of other peoples business that I really don't understand. If someone saw my hubby deliberately deceiving me, I know I would damn well want to be told asap.

Georgiegirl256

codemonkey wrote: »

Now I feel guilty for introducing them and then not telling him what she said. You guys know I get anxious about the correct etiquette and being a bad person. So did I do the right thing? Should I do anything or just sit back and hope they're actually happy? If it goes belly up should I be there to listen or just accept the friendship is over?
.)

I'd just accept the friendship is over personally. I don't think I'd want to be friends with someone who could be so easily manipulated that they'd just dump me as a friend.

I wouldn't feel guilty for introducing them. She may have used him in the first place, but somethings obviously keeping them together after all these years. Whether or not he is truely happy is another question. Whatever the situation, you've got nothing to feel guilty about.

Even if you had of mentioned what she was like, he probably wouldn't have listened anyhow.

codemonkey

Probably right about the friend situation. They've made their beds and all that. I've moved onto more important things. Like Christmas shopping. Normally I make flavoured vodka for the adults but have decided that's getting old so going to make up boxes with a home made mulled wine sachet, bottle of wine, glass with Christmas decal on it and home made cookies (possibly gingerbread men). Does that sound rubbish?

Am also being very naughty and having pizza delivered.

Flybaby, I knew you'd love shovelglove. I used to do it and it was pretty fun and boy did you feel it later on.

Flybaby

Code - {huge squishee} I've been reading the shovelglove guys stuff and am loving his thinking, Thank you so much - just the inspiration I needed. I see a lot of 14 minutes slots coming on!!!! I have just dug out my old watch with a stopwatch on it - battery not working, so that is my first job tomorrow.


Christmas gift sounds lovely - have you thought of caramelised nuts? they are so easy and you will be asked for them forever more!

codemonkey

Ooh that's a great idea. My friend's dad has an awesome recipe. I wonder what I could present them in?

The shovelglove guy also came up with the No S diet, which is pretty easy to follow. Can't you use your phone alarm?

System

Feeling dreadful, need to catch up on the thread

I dragged myself into work today which in hindsight was a bad idea, i did tell my manager how bad i was feeling but she was adamant she couldn't get cover and i felt guilty and was saying how i didnt want to go home cos i felt so bad for leaving them in the lurch and losing pay. She compromised and let me work for 3 hours, but told me not to come in tomorrow and that she'll sort cover.

I hate being ill. i really tried this week, i;ve felt crap since monday but kept going into work regardless. Now i feel 100x worse and gullty for being off sick.

*crawls into duvet fort and feels sorry for self...feel free to throw crisps at me*

System

WaS you'd probably like living in my house (well minus twatmate) as i seem to get housemates from various countries! One is from Chile, and he was telling me about life over there. He's over here doing a teaching placement , but they are only allowed to do it once as the head of their country feels everyone should have the opportunity to do it so they limit how many times people can. The other guy is from Syria, though i haven;t gotten to know him as much though the other guy told me he is a refugee (thankfully he said his family back home are in a safe place, but he came here to find refuge and get a job so he can help them out).

And then twatmate is Turkish..the only interesting thing i know about his home life is that he gets his pension at 45(!), thats why he's over here, he;s playing in enough so that he can go back and retire.