Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Wellyboots6

Flybaby, I've been increasing my exercise again by walking places target than driving. Walked to the doctor this morning with Escapette. It's about a mile and usually I would drive but I have convinced myself that she is going to enjoy the issues when she is older so am starting her young.
Maybe try incorporating more effort into your day to day life? Put your laundry basket upstairs and sort your whites and coloureds upstarts. Then take then down to the washer one load at a time rather than an at once, for example. Empty your bin and take the bag out to the wheelie bin, then come back and take your recycling out, rather than taking both bags together etc.
Once your fitness increases you week feel more confident to do 'real' exercise.

That's my plan anyway!

codemonkey

Exercise is a difficult one fly, because I find it really hard to motivate myself to do anyway and will always look for the easy option. Maybe you could do a class like Zumba where it's fun rather than slogging on a treadmill which is dull. If your lower back is bothering you then Pilates is wonderful. It's not cardio but it will sort your back out and you see results quickly. The other thing I did when I exercised loads was have specific exercise times and picture my wedding dress - can't do that now but focusing on the end goal works - so if you pick something e.g. A Joe Brown's outfit in a size 18 and think about it when you feel like slacking off.

And if you have a sledgehammer lying about there is always shovelglove

heartbreak_star

Haha I want to shovelglove!!

ETA: and there are so many pretties on the Joe Browns website!!

HBS x

tea_lover

I badly need exercise motivation. I was so good last year! Really annoyed that I lost nearly 2 stone and now it's all back, and I can't even remember the last time I went to the gym (must be at least 6 months) and I genuinely do love it when I'm there.

Finding the time to get anything done is my problem these days.

whitewing

Our scales are a bit dodgy but I think I have lost 3 stone since I started martial arts. However, I still have about 4 stone to lose. DH says he can't notice which is a bit soul destroying. In a effort to redeem himself, the other night in bed he was stroking my thigh and said, 'You actually do feel less lumpy!'

Romance is dead.

My motivation is pretty much directly linked to how many decumentaries/demonstrations I watch on youtube, and the fact that I am doing exercises in groups or with partners that I don't want to let down by being crap.

codemonkey

Great loss whitewing. I have 2.5-3 stones left to go. 2.5 would take me into the normal bmi bit and 3 would be in the middle.

Tea - lost count of the times I've lost and regained weight. Don't feel bad about it.

codemonkey

Ok, I have a question about something in the past that I feel bad about. It's blown up a bit on Facebook and I feel like some of it is my fault. This will be long but I'm summing up 20 years.

Almost 20 years ago I met a guy over the internet back in the days of chatrooms and icq and we became really good friends. He lives in a different country but we'd talk over the Internet, and on the phone and we visited each other and we were really close. My family adopted him as one of our own and as he didn't have much family at home, I think he liked that. In the beginning there was a sort of flirtation but when we met the first time, I saw his face fall when he first saw me and I've never really forgiven him for it, even though it was involuntary -it kind of put paid to anything romantic happending between us. There was a 'moment' later on on that trip, but in hindsight I'm glad nothing happened as the friendship was too important to us. Or so I thought.

Anyway, one time he was over and I took him to a party and he met a friend of mine from uni. There was no suggestion of anything between them. After that she started getting very friendly towards me and I stupidly thought it was because she liked me. I don't have a lot of friends really because I can be a bit abrasive sometimes (I'm really shy and come across as a bit cold).
I was planning my wedding and she was being really helpful. She started asking me all these questions about him but it was done really slyly and I didn't notice at first - I thought she was just interested as he was coming to the wedding. Then I found out they'd been skypeing all along and she was manipulating me for information. As soon as she got her man, she stopped having much use for me.

A bit later I met her at another party and we got the same train back and were chatting and she was drunk. She told me that she didn't really like anything about him, and that he would have to do as 'nobody else is interested' and she'd like to live in his home country. It's very difficult to move there.

I should have told him, but I didn't. He told me he was going to propose and I still didn't tell him. His best friend saw through it and tried to warn him but he just cut him out of his life so I decided I definitely wasn't going to tell him that she just wanted to live in his country and live off him. Everyone has seen through her but him. They got married and are still together and I decided to wish them happiness instead of being bitter.

But now neither of them talk to me because she doesn't believe that nothing ever happened so he's not allowed to talk to me and I'm so hurt that he would agree to that. Clearly our friendship wasn't as important as he said.

Today, I saw an argument on Facebook between him and his sister and he was telling her off for saying things about his wife. I'm guessing she tried to warn him too. She's his only living family member so it's really sad and his late mother would have been so upset.

Now I feel guilty for introducing them and then not telling him what she said. You guys know I get anxious about the correct etiquette and being a bad person. So did I do the right thing? Should I do anything or just sit back and hope they're actually happy? If it goes belly up should I be there to listen or just accept the friendship is over?

(She sounds dreadful from all this, but she's the very profile of a psychopath. She's very charming and manipulative and once you understand that you can see why she behaves the way she does.)

whitewing

code,

You would have been right to not tell him and right to tell him, ie there isn't a correct answer, and there never will be.

You just have to be true to how you are feeling about each bit of it and accept the consequences of action or inaction.

He is a grown man and therefore makes his own decisions anyway. I find other people's opinions helpful for a different perspective but I may not always be in the mood to hear what I am being told.

That said, I wouldn't be able to be in contact with someone if their wife didn't know about it.

Nor would I be able to be a 'friend' whilst hoping that the marriage collapses. I would be able to be a friend during a marriage collapse as long as I accepted there was still a marriage and that I didn't do anything that may prevent a marriage from resuming. I am very pro-marriage if children are involved.

tea_lover

code - you did nothing wrong in introducing them, and imo you did nothing wrong in not telling him of your concerns about her. Other people did and he didn't listen, so the only thing that would have happened is that he'd have stopped talking to you even sooner. She was your friend as well (kind of!), and it wasn't fair of her to put you in the middle like that.

The fact that he's being manipulated into cutting contact shows that he's quite weak (sorry if that sounds harsh). He's made his choice*, so, FWIW, I'd leave him to get on with it. At the end of the day she is his wife, so it stands to reason he's going to stick up for her against family and friends. Not that I'm saying that's ok as such, but he's in a difficult position here.

If things do go wrong for them he'll be able to get in touch, and you can then decide if you want to be friends or if his previous behaviour has changed that (which you'd be perfectly entitled to think!)

*I don't mean he chose her over you in a romantic way, but that he's chosen his course of action is to go along with what she wants re. contact.

tea_lover

....also - who has an argument with family (or anyone for that matter) via facebook for other people to read??

But I realise this is not the main point of the story lol.