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Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

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  • whitewing
    whitewing Posts: 11,852 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    My aim for today is to be able to drink a coffee before it goes cold.
    :heartsmil When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
  • Waves_and_Smiles
    Waves_and_Smiles Posts: 5,263 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Debt-free and Proud!
    edited 4 November 2015 at 3:20PM
    The problem with cost Georgie is that we can't really afford hotel fee's. If WaSp goes to Milliefleur's party alone he will sleep on a relative's sofa, I couldn't do that because I really cannot be around people for a long period, I need to get away into my own space like a hotel room and be alone to catch my breath.

    Thank you so much for all the MIL comments, you have all reassured me. I almost called her and asked if she was disappointed in me even though there is no evidence of this. I am glad I didn't because she would have worried about me. I do think our relationship is quite unique which is probably connected to how much I remind her of her big sister.

    Her sisters husband who became a patriarchal figure in the family told me the same thing. He always acted quite aloof to others but would hug me and tell me I was bonnier everytime he saw me and then tell me how his wife and I would have been best friends. Side comment on WaSp's uncle's relationship to the family, he walked into a hall and everyone stood up and formally shook hands with him. I had never met him before and thought ok this is weird, panicked and hugged him instead! He burst out laughing while WaSp looked on in horror and we have got on well ever since. I don't understand this family roles thing.

    Amusingly Milliefleur's sister was very much a free spirit. She ran off to France with her husband to be at 17, lived on a hippy commune for a few years in her 40's and was a part of the feminist movement, drank too much and smoked too much all her life, took lots of drugs in the sixties and was always ready for a party in general. She was notorious for doing the opposite of what she was asked to do! She also had a heart of gold and would drop everything to help anyone and did lots of charity work until she died. This is who I remind everyone of! Milliefleur is quite the rebel but her sister was far worse, Milliefleur adored her.

    I am lucky to have such a good relationship with Milliefleur, it is unconventional but then I never had any idea how it was supposed to work in the first place, I don't even know how mother and daughter relationships are supposed to work. We are very much like close friends who met of our own accord rather than through a mutual love for WaSp but it works for us and I think that is ok even if it's different. Thank you again everyone, I will now not panic her by calling her and asking if am I terrible DIL!

    Can we do a virtual Venice trip, too?
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
  • codemonkey
    codemonkey Posts: 6,534 Forumite
    I'm going to Venice/Vegas/anywhere that isn't here right now!

    Having a tough day. Got workmen in for phase 2 so feeling unsettled. Got a project at work that I don't know how to do and everyone involved has left the organisation so it's down to me and I feel lost and overwhelmed by it and /insert little penguin about death here an old friend suddenly died yesterday. He was happily posting on Facebook a few days ago and now he's gone /end penguin.

    Did get to do something good yesterday. A sort of ex contacted me. I call him sort of an ex cause I'm not sure what we were. More than f buddies, but less than a proper relationship. Anyway, he was feeling isolated and upset and I didn't really know what to say so I just listened and made him feel better. :j

    WaS, my mil and I have a good relationship. We don't have girly days and go for lunch or anything but we sometimes do exercise classes together and get on well.

    Tiny penguin - don't think it's triggery but it feels a bit personal I get annoyed sometimes though because she shows favouritism to DH'S brothers and it hurts DH. She'll make a point of getting their favourite food for family dinners but will continually serve something that DH doesn't like, which sounds like such a small thing, but it adds up over time. And one year for DH's birthday she gave him a tshirt and some coat hangers, whereas the others get big presents like tvs. I don't comment though except to tell DH they did him a favour - his brothers are really irresponsible and selfish and don't think about other people and are always relying on her to bail them out (she's even broken up with girls on their behalfs), whereas DH has had to work for every thin so appreciates it more.
    Eu não sou uma tartaruga. Eu sou um codigopombo.
  • tea_lover
    tea_lover Posts: 8,261 Forumite
    Those things would annoy me too code, even though (as you say), they've probably done him a favour in the long run. I think it's natural to feel a bit aggrieved on behalf of the people you love sometimes, shows you've got their back!

    ETA: I too am staring at the screen wondering how I've got so much to do and so little idea where to start. Literally not a clue!
  • Waves_and_Smiles
    Waves_and_Smiles Posts: 5,263 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Debt-free and Proud!
    edited 4 November 2015 at 4:22PM
    Aw, I would feel stressed too, code. So sorry to hear about your old friend but glad that you were able to help your other friend! WaSp tends to get the less help out of Millefleur's three children but she has told me it is because he is the only one she doesn't worry about because he has me. Her daughter has had spinal problems for a while and has carers visit daily because she finds it very hard to do simple things and BIL is well, BIL. She does help them out by buying them things and calls them far more than she does WaSp but at the same time it's kind of a compliment to him (and to me!) that she doesn't feel that she needs to do so.

    One thing at a time, tea! Maybe make a little list? Did I mention how lovely it is to have you back?
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
  • Code, that would grate at me too.

    Hugs all, I'm feeling a bit weepy today. My metamour is having a really stressy time atm, she and her hubby are away for their anniversary. Popping in to feed the cat twice a day has been fine. Sitting in all day for workmen and deliveries is making me a bit weepy. I'm used to being able to message my bf (her husband. Poly) and as the mini break is for their anniversary, contact is very minimal. My metamour is one of the nicest and most loving people I have ever met, but I know there are aspects of the set up that aren't sitting too comfortably atm. Penguining the next bit

    I feel so very guilty that part of my relationship with her husband is hurting her. I would happily walk away, but she has asked me to not do so, and in truth it would be difficult to do so. We are very close friends. At times the strain of balancing all the needs in a poly group is being difficult, but if I give and walk away, I might end breaking three hearts.

    Just a bit much atm, I'm sure things will settle again.
    :AStarting again on my own this time!! - Defective flylady! :A
  • Waves_and_Smiles
    Waves_and_Smiles Posts: 5,263 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Debt-free and Proud!
    edited 4 November 2015 at 5:18PM
    It doesn't sound as if they want you to walk away, dragonette. It sounds as if they care for you as much as you do them. Anything unconventional is bound to throw up problems from to time, if only because of the pressure to conform that is all around us but it certainly isn't your fault in any way. As you all care about each other so much I am sure that you will all work your way through it, just keep talking and make sure that all three of you feel valued. Have a hug.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
  • Thank you, I'm trying. We all are, it's just really hard today.
    :AStarting again on my own this time!! - Defective flylady! :A
  • I'm sorry it's hard, grab a kitty for a cuddle
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
  • WaS - I had their cat on me most of the day, got home and my 2 have just passed out after gorging on dinner! Tbh, just being home has helped lots - I have plants in every room and work hard so my rented flat feels cosy and inviting. Amazing what a different room can do for your mood!

    Hugs to all
    :AStarting again on my own this time!! - Defective flylady! :A
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