what to do 2nd date

catoutthebag

After some of my woes, I met a nice girl this weekend. We seemed to click and there was some attraction I felt. The time went quickly. She even laughed at my hilarious jokes.

Only thing is - I think she's a little less forward or assertive than me. I wasn't sure how she felt after. But I did say if she wanted to meet again then that would be good. I wasn't expected to gear back. But heard back about her day etc.

I was the one that asked her for a drink. Normally it's the other way round as I've become a bit apathetic with it in recent times.

But in order to see if there's more spark it would be good to meet again ...question is, should I ask again or wait for her this time? And go for a pub/bar instead of caf!? Or to eat somewhere casual? I know we may decide this, but pointers welcome. ..or something more outdoorsy?

Thankd in advance

rachiibell

I would suggest another meet up maybe in a nice bar that serves food and then you can decide from there whether to just have a few drinks or something to eat.

Some people don't like eating on dates so don't be disheartened if she doesn't seem keen on the idea of a meal

Indie_Kid

If you want to meet up with her, then ask her. It's possible that she's waiting for you to ask her?

For me personally, something like a pub or bar is fine.

VfM4meplse

Why so much dithering and indecision over something so straightforward?!

God alone knows what you'd be like in a situation that required some actual thought

miss_independent

catoutthebag wrote: »

After some of my woes, I met a nice girl this weekend. We seemed to click and there was some attraction I felt. The time went quickly. She even laughed at my hilarious jokes.

Only thing is - I think she's a little less forward or assertive than me. I wasn't sure how she felt after. But I did say if she wanted to meet again then that would be good. I wasn't expected to gear back. But heard back about her day etc.

I was the one that asked her for a drink. Normally it's the other way round as I've become a bit apathetic with it in recent times.

But in order to see if there's more spark it would be good to meet again ...question is, should I ask again or wait for her this time? And go for a pub/bar instead of caf!? Or to eat somewhere casual? I know we may decide this, but pointers welcome. ..or something more outdoorsy?

Thankd in advance

Sorry if this sounds harsh but if I'd been out for a drink with you and you didn't take the initiative to ask me out again, I would think you weren't interested and, no matter how much attraction I'd felt for you, I'd move on.

A lot of women, like me, have got to a point where they are sick of playing guessing games as to whether someone is interested or not. They've also been fed the whole, "he's just not that into you" concept I.e "if he isn't calling/asking you out/proposing/marrying you then he's just not that into you." I find that a little too simplistic a generalisation but lots of women I know believe that and expect men to take the initiative.

As for a second date, it all depends on what you are comfortable with. An activity could be fun or coffee/lunch and a walk. Personally, I think shorter dates are better while you are still getting to know someone and figuring out how much you enjoy their company and seeing if you really are compatible. I prefer doing something that you'd enjoy regardless of the company, if that makes sense? So it might be that I've always wanted to try a particular restaurant or do that activity or visit that bar and it just so happens that I'm also on a date. I find that it means I'm definitely going to enjoy myself wether or not things are going well on the date. Also, it kind of shows you at your best, if that makes sense? Because you will be enthusiastic and excited (and hopefully less nervous).

I also like to do something in those early dates where the focus isn't totally one to one...it helps avoid awkward silences. So for example...I might go to an aquarium or a museum for an hour or the farmers market etc. So I'd be able to talk to the guy or look at things and comment on them or just observe things. If the date is going REALLY well, I might potentially suggest grabbing lunch or a drink or something to extend beyond the hour. If not, I've got a way out ("thanks, this has been fun but I'm meeting a friend for lunch and I've got to dash.").

But really, if you liked her and want to see her again, just ask her out. If you don't, some other guy will. Sorry. Tough love.

missbiggles1

You had your first date in a caff?

DUTR

miss_independent wrote: »

Sorry if this sounds harsh but if I'd been out for a drink with you and you didn't take the initiative to ask me out again, I would think you weren't interested and, no matter how much attraction I'd felt for you, I'd move on.

A lot of women, like me, have got to a point where they are sick of playing guessing games as to whether someone is interested or not. They've also been fed the whole, "he's just not that into you" concept I.e "if he isn't calling/asking you out/proposing/marrying you then he's just not that into you." I find that a little too simplistic a generalisation but lots of women I know believe that and expect men to take the initiative.

As for a second date, it all depends on what you are comfortable with. An activity could be fun or coffee/lunch and a walk. Personally, I think shorter dates are better while you are still getting to know someone and figuring out how much you enjoy their company and seeing if you really are compatible. I prefer doing something that you'd enjoy regardless of the company, if that makes sense? So it might be that I've always wanted to try a particular restaurant or do that activity or visit that bar and it just so happens that I'm also on a date. I find that it means I'm definitely going to enjoy myself wether or not things are going well on the date. Also, it kind of shows you at your best, if that makes sense? Because you will be enthusiastic and excited (and hopefully less nervous).

I also like to do something in those early dates where the focus isn't totally one to one...it helps avoid awkward silences. So for example...I might go to an aquarium or a museum for an hour or the farmers market etc. So I'd be able to talk to the guy or look at things and comment on them or just observe things. If the date is going REALLY well, I might potentially suggest grabbing lunch or a drink or something to extend beyond the hour. If not, I've got a way out ("thanks, this has been fun but I'm meeting a friend for lunch and I've got to dash.").

But really, if you liked her and want to see her again, just ask her out. If you don't, some other guy will. Sorry. Tough love.

It's not harsh, just realisitic, at the same time, the guys have got to the point where they understand there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and the keepers do not need to be chased and also take the initiative, a relationship isn't all about what the guy does for her. Like you on the opposite end of the gender, the next guy can have the 'headache'* to follow.

* headache as in all the 'agro' that goes with a relationship.

DUTR

missbiggles1 wrote: »

You had your first date in a caff?

Why not? sometimes Starbucks/costa can be more expensive out than say a Wetherspoons, there are some nice independant coffee shops and tea rooms around now.

miss_independent

DUTR wrote: »

It's not harsh, just realisitic, at the same time, the guys have got to the point where they understand there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and the keepers do not need to be chased and also take the initiative, a relationship isn't all about what the guy does for her. Like you on the opposite end of the gender, the next guy can have the 'headache'* to follow.

* headache as in all the 'agro' that goes with a relationship.

I really wanted to like your post but I can't because I think I could disagree on some of the points you made lol ...I personally think for both guys and women there CAN be a "pot of gold at the end of the rainbow". It just means knowing your expectations and being realistic about what a great relationship really looks like and not "settling" for less than you want or deserve.

If by no "pot of gold at the end of the rainbow" you mean that nobody is perfect however, I completely agree and that works regardless of gender. But I think when a relationship really works and two people don't expect the other to "complete" them but they both enhance each other's lives and support each other through the tough times, having a lot of fun along the way - that can be a very beautiful thing and I'd certainly feel like I'd found that pot of gold.

"The keepers do not need to be chased and also take the initiative, a relationship isn't all about what the guy does for her."

Agreed, both parties should take the initiative and far too many women imo subscribe to the "treat him mean, keep him keen" school of dating and come across as demanding and spoiled because they been brought up believing they should be treated like a princess. However, I would argue that the lady in OP's post most likely felt she was doing that when she took the initiative to text and tell him about her day etc. She was leaving the door open for him to ask her out. Women can also be afraid of being though of as "aggressive" or "easy" and not actually giving a guy the space to "woo" her, for want of a better word. So many women may not feel comfortable asking a man on a second date as, for some reason, it's seen as too eager or too desperate from a woman. Not so with a man.

Social conditioning is both a minefield and a curse lol.

miss_independent

missbiggles1 wrote: »

You had your first date in a caff?

It's really not that unusual...

DUTR

miss_independent wrote: »

I really wanted to like your post but I can't because I think I could disagree on some of the points you made lol ...I personally think for both guys and women there CAN be a "pot of gold at the end of the rainbow". It just means knowing your expectations and being realistic about what a great relationship really looks like and not "settling" for less than you want or deserve.

If by no "pot of gold at the end of the rainbow" you mean that nobody is perfect however, I completely agree and that works regardless of gender. But I think when a relationship really works and two people don't expect the other to "complete" them but they both enhance each other's lives and support each other through the tough times, having a lot of fun along the way - that can be a very beautiful thing and I'd certainly feel like I'd found that pot of gold.

"The keepers do not need to be chased and also take the initiative, a relationship isn't all about what the guy does for her."

Agreed, both parties should take the initiative and far too many women imo subscribe to the "treat him mean, keep him keen" school of dating and come across as demanding and spoiled because they been brought up believing they should be treated like a princess. However, I would argue that the lady in OP's post most likely felt she was doing that when she took the initiative to text and tell him about her day etc. She was leaving the door open for him to ask her out. Women can also be afraid of being though of as "aggressive" or "easy" and not actually giving a guy the space to "woo" her, for want of a better word. So many women may not feel comfortable asking a man on a second date as, for some reason, it's seen as too eager or too desperate from a woman. Not so with a man.

Social conditioning is both a minefield and a curse lol.

From reading the original post, to me it seems they may both be 'scared' and probably scarred, as the OP says he has become a little apethetic about it all. However they both have nothing to lose but maybe lots to gain.
I agree with you about the demanding and spoilt scenario's though, I see plenty on POF, it's times like that when I read some of the profiles, I'm so glad I'm not 6ft 2 tall :rotfl:

The OP's post reminds me about my most recent date , looked nowt like her profile pic which was probably some years old, she thought I would be taller, however even giving her plenty of opportunity to sayshe had forgotten to lock her house or left the iron on etc, we persued and went for a meal, burger flatbread dessert and a few drinks...£74, thankfully she coughed up her 50%, funny part was at the end of the date had the hug and continental kiss, she says message her when I got home, anyways , I couldn't have walked 100yds down the road when she had text to say she doesn't think there was any chemistry :eek:, NSS! :rotfl:
On the positive, it was an early evening out that day :cool: