what to do 2nd date

miss_independent

DUTR wrote: »

From reading the original post, to me it seems they may both be 'scared' and probably scarred, as the OP says he has become a little apethetic about it all. However they both have nothing to lose but maybe lots to gain.
I agree with you about the demanding and spoilt scenario's though, I see plenty on POF, it's times like that when I read some of the profiles, I'm so glad I'm not 6ft 2 tall :rotfl:

The OP's post reminds me about my most recent date , looked nowt like her profile pic which was probably some years old, she thought I would be taller, however even giving her plenty of opportunity to sayshe had forgotten to lock her house or left the iron on etc, we persued and went for a meal, burger flatbread dessert and a few drinks...£74, thankfully she coughed up her 50%, funny part was at the end of the date had the hug and continental kiss, she says message her when I got home, anyways , I couldn't have walked 100yds down the road when she had text to say she doesn't think there was any chemistry :eek:, NSS! :rotfl:
On the positive, it was an early evening out that day :cool:

Scared and scarred! I like it, seems a realistic appraisal of the situation. I personally feel though, if I was that scared and scarred, I would probably take some time out from dating and work on myself so that I wouldn't end up screwing up something good when it came along. As I think you have discovered, it takes a thick skin to negotiate the dating world...

I don't understand why your date asked you to message her, then text you minutes later. Why be fake and lead you to potentially think she was interested? I remember a guy trying to organise a second date with me during a date that was going badly after I had made an excuse to leave and, as awkward as it was, I made sure I didn't give him false hope without being mean. At least she paid though, she wasn't all that bad!

DUTR

miss_independent wrote: »

Scared and scarred! I like it, seems a realistic appraisal of the situation. I personally feel though, if I was that scared and scarred, I would probably take some time out from dating and work on myself so that I wouldn't end up screwing up something good when it came along. As I think you have discovered, it takes a thick skin to negotiate the dating world...

I don't understand why your date asked you to message her, then text you minutes later. Why be fake and lead you to potentially think she was interested? I remember a guy trying to organise a second date with me during a date that was going badly after I had made an excuse to leave and, as awkward as it was, I made sure I didn't give him false hope without being mean. At least she paid though, she wasn't all that bad!

You're right the dating game one has to be a little thick skinned, however just because someone has a nightmare, they do not refuse to fall asleep
I do not look at guys profiles but speaking to some it is evident that there are guys on there making it clear they are only after one thing, on the other end of the scale there are [STRIKE]bored[/STRIKE]broke ladies just looking for lonely guys to take them on a free night out with no intention of wanting to enter into a relationship with them. In between both extremes there maybe happiness .

onlyroz

I suggest scuba diving or rock climbing.

miss_independent

DUTR wrote: »

You're right the dating game one has to be a little thick skinned, however just because someone has a nightmare, they do not refuse to fall asleep
I do not look at guys profiles but speaking to some it is evident that there are guys on there making it clear they are only after one thing, on the other end of the scale there are [STRIKE]bored[/STRIKE]broke ladies just looking for lonely guys to take them on a free night out with no intention of wanting to enter into a relationship with them. In between both extremes there maybe happiness .

Good point but I also feel that you can be doomed to self-sabotage and repeat the same mistakes if you don't take the right steps to deal with the baggage you are taking into relationships and sometimes it's a good idea to take a break and make a choice to let all the stuff that happened in previous relationships, bad or good, go. I know at times I had to consciously step back and say to myself, "this new guy is not my ex. All men are not the same. This one is a clean slate and doesn't need to be tarred with the same brush as someone who hurt me." or "this new guy is not my ex. It's our first date. He cannot possibly create a year's worth of amazing moments, intimacy and connection in one date. Give him a fair chance." I know a lot of people believe in getting back into the dating asap though so I suppose it depends on the individual and maybe others wouldn't put as much of an importance on introspection and self awareness as I do.

Oh dear...have never tried online dating myself but it sounds like a nightmare, though hopefully the ones with less than good intentions are easy to spot! Hope you find that relationship you are looking for, I'm sure there are some good ones out there too.

catoutthebag

Only read the a couple responses since the last one and some people are not getting it again sadly.

Dithering? I ask her out. Plus, I'm simply asking for suggestions. I've been on a few dates and it's been a while since a 2nd. I know the safer (boring option) is pub or similar but wondered if there were other suggestions

Secondly, I did say at the end of the date if she wanted to meet again then that would be good and to let me know. It works both ways. Can't expect chasing one way. It's nice to be challenged and kept on my toes. If that doesn't happen then most people with an ounce of personality lose interest like me. Also it's nice when someone else is proactive and takes assertiveness. ..if that doesn't happen. ... (ditto above).

Yes she sounds 'scared ', a little. I'm not as much but seems neither want to rush. Which is good too.

Anyway ..thanks for all your help pub it is.

catoutthebag

missbiggles1 wrote: »

You had your first date in a caff?

It was an independent caf!.

Cafe as in coffee shop. Standard first date. Don't tell me you're from pof?

Plus I said if you fancied a pub or coffee shop jn the message...she went for coffee shop.

Coffee or pub is pretty standard .....for normal people.

Running_Horse

For goodness sake, just ask her out! What is the worst that will happen if she says no? As for where to go, why not ask what she likes to do? Just don't get into "I don't mind" or " you decide". Make a decision.

missbiggles1

DUTR wrote: »

Why not? sometimes Starbucks/costa can be more expensive out than say a Wetherspoons, there are some nice independant coffee shops and tea rooms around now.

Not what I assumed was meant by a "caff" but I suppose you could be right.

missbiggles1

catoutthebag wrote: »

It was an independent caf!.

Cafe as in coffee shop. Standard first date. Don't tell me you're from pof?

Plus I said if you fancied a pub or coffee shop jn the message...she went for coffee shop.

Coffee or pub is pretty standard .....for normal people.

What's pof?

ETA

Just googled it.

Lunar_Eclipse

catoutthebag wrote: »

It was an independent caf!.

Cafe as in coffee shop. Standard first date. Don't tell me you're from pof?

Plus I said if you fancied a pub or coffee shop jn the message...she went for coffee shop.

Coffee or pub is pretty standard .....for normal people.

A coffee shop is not a caf!

A caf is typically a small place people go for a cheap fried breakfast, usually filled with tradesmen (in London anyway.) Even though it's technically short for 'cafe', the two are quite different and it's telling you said 'caf'.

A coffee shop is way posher than a caf. And much more suitable for a first date (though I'd be quite impressed if someone offered to take me to a proper caf that cooked a good breakfast - none round here sadly!)

For a second date, I'd like an easy but scenic walk and afternoon tea & cake.