Childcare- desperate

onlyroz

If you can only claim £124 a month in childcare vouchers then you must both be higher rate tax payers and so your household income must be pretty big. Is there no way you can cut back your lifestyle temporarily? E.g. reduce the TV package, curtail holidays, shop in Aldi? Childcare is expensive but we managed to afford a full time nursery place on two basic-rate salaries in the South East with a large mortgage.

Also, have you considered all childcare options? Childminders are cheaper and more flexible than nurseries usually. And could your mum do just a few hours a day if the childminder hours are not long enough?

As for your husband, I think you know that he must help out more. He cannot simply refuse to look after his child. Parenting is not an optional activity.

susancs

amalis wrote: »

I know, I know.. But we did not think it will be so horrible. I am the only child and seems I was an angel, so she assumed all babies the same. My son is a little terror, super active..
Oh, another thing- my husband is not helping with a baby..i dont want to go into discussing this, there is nothing I can do about it...Maximum he can look after bay is 15-20 min if the baby isnt crying.
According to my contract I have to work full time for 12 month after comign back, otherwise I have to return money paid to me as Extra maternity leave. ie they paid 3 month, instead of 6 weeks

OP, I wonder if your issues are not mainly related to childcare as you mention you are "like a walking zombie" in your inital post due to your 9 month old baby not sleeping. Then you mention your son is a little terror and your husband will only look after him if he is not crying, which makes me wonder if lack of sleep is also affecting your baby. I think maybe you firstly need to go to see your health visitor to get some advice and support on the baby not sleeping issues. Once this is sorted thn maybe you can think clearly about the options regarding working and childcare.

Like other have said there are options you could consider such as looking into whether taking a mortgage break is an option and reducing your outgoings to allow you to work part time. As stated a childminder usually charges less than a nursery, so you might want to consider that as an option.

[Deleted User]

My first son was a bit of a mare.., he didn't sleep much, would get bored within 10 minutes of anything I gave him to occupy him (I had a pile of different textured fabrics and when doing house work I'd just keep rushing over to change what he was holding). I truly appreciate the 'zombieness' - lack of sleep for years on end changed my personality in a major way and making decisions was difficult. My (now Ex) OH just wouldn't look after him, never got up with him etc. I asked, I shouted, I pleaded.., it just didn't happen.

But I have to be honest, asking your mum at her age to look after him for more than an hour is pushing it.

As he's 9 months old, you should be able to get Health visitor advice. I'm not saying they'll have a magic cure.., but just talking to someone face to face could help you figure out a way to re-organise things. But I also agree with other suggestions.., it sounds like income isn't really the problem so I am sure if you really looked at your budget, you might be able to find a way to pay for a day or two's child care.

I'm not saying this is what every parent finds with all babies who are a bit 'difficult' but it turned out that my son had aspergers.

I am sorry I can't be of more help. I remember those days well. I think finding a way to rebudget so you can afford child care has to be the priority. At one point when I was working I had a really rare childminder who would work outside normal working hours. She was marvelous. But most won't do this. But you could look, you might find one.

lol.., I still remember one childminder who seemed to expect her charges to sit on a blanket all day long playing nicely., she had lots of ornaments. I left him with her for half a day while I went on an interview. Came back to find a rather shell shocked childminder! No ornaments on view anymore, she'd had to put them all away lol. She was so shocked she was willing to take him again, but I didn't take him back, it obviously wasn't a good match lol. But the childminder I mentioned above did have him for a couple of years.

He's 19 now and we are really close.., but no one understands (unless they've done it) how chronic sleep deprivation can affect you.

Metranil_Vavin

Your husband sounds like a real catch, OP.

FBaby

No point in debating on the father quality of OP's husband. Maybe, just maybe he didn't want a child at all, and they compromised that OP would pick up the responsibility of looking after him, and next to that, he is an fantastic person in others way.

Anyway, irrelevant! When you say that you have the space for an au-pair, is that in addition to your mum so you could house both? If so, then surely that is the way to go? If your mum is flexible, maybe you could have a part-time student, who would be delighted for board and food if your mum was prepared to help around the time they need to be in class? Do you live close to a Uni or college? The cost will probably not be more than what you already pay in childcare.

If that's not an option but you have the space, what about getting a lodger and use this money to pay for the full-time childcare?

pebbles88

amalis wrote: »

Oh, dont get me wrong, he is not just sitting on a sofa watching TV. On "free" days he is aither taking some extra job or studying for the importnat qualification exam he should pass soon. Thats current situation.
But even without exam he prefers to take extra work, just not ot stay at home with a baby.

amalis wrote: »

None .......

marleyboy wrote: »

Then what kind of a DAD is he?

I dread to think what would happen if you took ill and had to spend a short spell in hospital.

He made the baby with you, he doesn't get to pass on the responsibility of being a parent!

bylromarha

1) Tell husband that you will be discussing this together at x time on x day. Tell him to give it some forethought prior to said chat as the problem needs solving soon.

2) Talk, with your budget present, and find solutions together. There are some great ideas on this thread for you to throw into the mix. If he is negative about all of the suggestions that you present and finds a reason why none of them will work, then he needs to get off his backside and find a solution that will work.

It's a joint problem which you both need to agree a solution on.

I'm refraining from commenting on his choice to not look after his own child...

BOBS

OP hasnt returned !! Quick look at her other posts shows they own a flat which they rent out and hv money to pay for a cleaner so maybe things arent so bad !!!!