Childcare- desperate

I dont know what can I do. I am a full time working mum with 9 month old baby. When I was expecting the plan re childcare was that my mum will stay with us and be taking care of my son. But reality is worse. My mum is 70 y.o. with multiple health issues and now when my son got heavier she simply cant lift him. He is super active and crawling and having tantrums. We put in day care 2 days a week now so that she can rest, but even with that she is super tired and simply not coping. Yesterday she spent a day with him and all evening was in bed with super high blood pressure. This “baby duty” is simply killing her. We calculated and we cant afford putting my son 5 days a week into day care, its like another mortgage. I also can’t quit my job because my husband’s salary is not enough.. I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. My son is not sleeping still, I am walking zombie on edge. I don’t know what can I do about childcare.
I cant go part time as well..
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  • HappyMJ
    HappyMJ Posts: 21,115
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    amalis wrote: »
    I dont know what can I do. I am a full time working mum with 9 month old baby. When I was expecting the plan re childcare was that my mum will stay with us and be taking care of my son. But reality is worse. My mum is 70 y.o. with multiple health issues and now when my son got heavier she simply cant lift him. He is super active and crawling and having tantrums. We put in day care 2 days a week now so that she can rest, but even with that she is super tired and simply not coping. Yesterday she spent a day with him and all evening was in bed with super high blood pressure. This “baby duty” is simply killing her. We calculated and we cant afford putting my son 5 days a week into day care, its like another mortgage. I also can’t quit my job because my husband’s salary is not enough.. I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. My son is not sleeping still, I am walking zombie on edge. I don’t know what can I do about childcare.
    I cant go part time as well..


    You can take time off work, reduce the mortgage payments to interest only and spend as little money as possible claiming child benefit and some child tax credits if eligible and you will get by. You won't have a luxurious lifestyle, it'll just be enough to keep a reasonable roof over your head the utility bills paid and food on the table but it's enough.
    :footie:
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  • Amara
    Amara Posts: 2,166
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    Part-time job? Leaving son in childcare only part-time? Finding job in hours , when your husband is home, so he can look after baby?
    I don't want to sound horrible, but you knew your mum was 70 and asking 70 years old to look after very young child full time is hell a lot to ask .
  • quidsy
    quidsy Posts: 2,181 Forumite
    Are you using child care vouchers for some tax relief, both you & husband can apply, if possible. I would also suggest if you husband earns considerably less than you, that he take part time work & take over the child care. This is what we had to do & when ds reached school age he increased his hours.
    I don't respond to stupid so that's why I am ignoring you.

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  • amalis
    amalis Posts: 532 Forumite
    Amara wrote: »
    Part-time job? Leaving son in childcare only part-time? Finding job in hours , when your husband is home, so he can look after baby?
    I don't want to sound horrible, but you knew your mum was 70 and asking 70 years old to look after very young child full time is hell a lot to ask .

    I know, I know.. But we did not think it will be so horrible. I am the only child and seems I was an angel, so she assumed all babies the same. My son is a little terror, super active..
    Oh, another thing- my husband is not helping with a baby..i dont want to go into discussing this, there is nothing I can do about it...Maximum he can look after bay is 15-20 min if the baby isnt crying.
    According to my contract I have to work full time for 12 month after comign back, otherwise I have to return money paid to me as Extra maternity leave. ie they paid 3 month, instead of 6 weeks
  • amalis
    amalis Posts: 532 Forumite
    quidsy wrote: »
    Are you using child care vouchers for some tax relief, both you & husband can apply, if possible. I would also suggest if you husband earns considerably less than you, that he take part time work & take over the child care. This is what we had to do & when ds reached school age he increased his hours.

    We use vouchers, but its only 124 a month... not much savings. The problem is we ear equal amounts...All our life ,all plans and income is based on our 2 salaries together
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511
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    edited 21 August 2015 at 9:03AM
    Plenty of us have had to change our jobs post baby.
    Have you looked at employing a childminder rather than using a nursery - sometimes it can be a better value option.

    If you are the high earner - does it make more sense for your husband to go part-time -or you work opposing shifts for a few years til your son is at school (I worked evenings, nights and weekends when my son was small for example -it was hard and my husband who worked 9-5 had to do more but we knew it was short term and would end when our son started school at latest)

    Do you have a spare room - would an au pair be a solution to work with your Mum or alone ?

    My husband knew nothing about babies and thought it was women's work too......He had to man up and learn -it was that or the mortgage didn't get paid. Tell yours to grow a pair and that a real man looks after his family.
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  • marleyboy
    marleyboy Posts: 16,698
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    OH was on a higher paid and more secure job than I was when she had our Son. So it seemed only logical that I gave up my job to look after him whilst she went back to work.
    :A:dance:1+1+1=1:dance::A
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  • quidsy
    quidsy Posts: 2,181 Forumite
    Oh, another thing- my husband is not helping with a baby..i dont want to go into discussing this, there is nothing I can do about it...Maximum he can look after bay is 15-20 min if the baby isnt crying.


    Might be something you don't want to go into here but you def need to have this conversation with him. You presumably made the decision to have the child together, why would he then think he isn't responsible for care of the child. I am telling you this in kindness but if you allow this to go on you will make a rod for your own back & cause untold resentment.
    I don't respond to stupid so that's why I am ignoring you.

    2015 £2 saver #188 = £45
  • Amara
    Amara Posts: 2,166
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    Can your husband find better paid job? Easier said then done, I know. It looks like you received 1.5 month salary extra on maternity. Would it be worth to change job part time, reduce childcare bill and paid this money back? Is it an option?
    Do you have other relative, friend, who can help with child?
  • amalis
    amalis Posts: 532 Forumite
    We have a spare room for an au pair, but the hours I need (I am not in 8am- 6:30 pm) are too long for them.
    And no other friend or relative to help.
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