Childcare- desperate

GwylimT

amalis wrote: »

None .......

Then he clearly doesn't mind studying and looking after his child at the same time, otherwise as a decent parent he would have made alternative arrangements.

haras_nosirrah

Op you need to have strong words with your husband. Mine has been having our son 1 day a week on his own since my son was 6 weeks old and I had to return to work for financial reasons (I am the main earner)

However in terms of options is there any way your son could go to nursery in the mornings and then your mum has him in the afternoons?

Alternatively the Oper idea is a good one

Does your job offer any flexible hours. My job has allowed me to do 3 full days a week and also three evenings working from home so pretty much full time hours but split over 6 days. This means baby is only in nursery two days as my husband has him for 1 and I cover the other three days.

There is always a solution - you just need to think outside th box a bit.

These childcare years are very expensive but they don't last forever. Try and stay in your job even if part time or flexible hours especially if there is the chance for career progression

With these exams your husband is doing will this enable him to earn more so that you can go part time or similar?

TBagpuss

OP, this is not just your probelme, it is your husband's problem as well.

He needs to start pulling his weight.

If you as a couple cannot afford full time child care then you-as-a-couple need to work out the alternatives. Which are going to mean him doing his bit and helping to look after his child.

Finacially - look at the possibility of a childminder for the periods when both of you are out at work - whichever of you is not in work should look after your son to cut down on the hours needed in paid care.

Make sure you are claiming everything you are entitled to.

consider whether you have space for a lodger and whether having one would help in terms of income

If not - is moving to a smaller, less expensive property an option?

Sit down and work out your compltee budget (post it on the debt forum if you want help) and see where you can make savings.

But if your hsuband is not pulling his weight in terms of looking after your child that is a massive issue and one you need tio address with him no matter what other changes you make.

It is one thing to have an *agreed* split of responsibilities where one partner does the bulk of the childcare or financial management or whatever. it is a completely different situation where you are both working and he is effectively washing his hands of a massive, joint issue.

haras_nosirrah

If the exams won't enhance his career significantly then maybe he should put the extra studying on hold until your little one gets his free nursery time

amalis

This exam is very important for his career, he cant progress without it. But, of course, he will not be promoted straight away after passing it (if he will).

Mojisola

amalis wrote: »

I am a full time working mum with 9 month old baby.

amalis wrote: »

my husband is not helping with a baby..i dont want to go into discussing this, there is nothing I can do about it.

And your husband is a full time working father - he doesn't have the option of 'not helping'.

fuzzylu

think you need to start leaving the baby with your husband more oftern so he can get used to looking after his child.
childcare is expensive, i have twins so had to pay a fortune out for them both. the childcare costs are only for a few years can you look into reducing your outgoing untill you recieve the 15hrs.
look at reducing morgage payments, phone contracts, food costs, holidays, clothing costs, stopping sky tv ect.
we had to drastically cut down our spending alongside me changing my hours so that we could work childcare out between me and my husband.
you can claim childcare vouchers from both you and your husbands wadges think it was £240 from each person so you could have upto £480 between you.
ours child care costs at one point were £600 a month for just 2 days a week care.

unfortunately when you have a child you have to alter your lifestyle. with money and with responsibility's. your husband needs to help either by earning more so you can reduce work or by helping with childcare.

duchy

Perhaps you need to treat this the same way you would a project at work.

If you have a need at work you don't stand around saying "Dave can't do this" "Mary doesn't like this task -there's nothing I can do" You look at your resources and you find a way to make it work.

This is no different- you have certain resources, you Mum is one (although obviously not for long periods of time) your husband is another and you are a third. You have a certain amount of budget to pay for care on top - be it childminder, au pair or nursery and you need to balance the budget to do this. Time v money - there will be compromises for all of you - but that is part of been a parent and a family.

You probably also need to get your husband fully on board - He created this baby too he needs to be a man and not a boy and pull his weight.
Jam tomorrow when and if he passes exams isn't enough he needs to contribute to the family now and if he can't earn enough to do so he needs to contribute with time instead.

Wellyboots6

I assumed initially that your husband has some sort of disability, mental health issue etc that meant he couldn't cope with looking after the baby, but the more you say the more it sounds like he just doesn't want to.
If that is the case and he is leaving the sorting of childcare to you, then you either need to get him to pull his weight and help out, or take full responsibility and make tough decisions he may not like.
If he has the ultimatum of moving to a smaller property for example, or pulling his weight with childcare, which would he choose?
Maybe some decisions that he finds tough might push him in to realising the seriousness of the situation. You don't want your little boy growing up assuming that childcare is the women's responsibility as life doesn't work that way any more.

Valli

TBagpuss wrote: »

OP, this is not just your problem, it is your husband's problem as well.

Exactly. You're a family. You're happy to discuss it with strangers on a forum; are you talking to him at all?