Men and women being friends

mintymoneysaver

My closest male friend is someone I have known for 30 years. He's 3 years younger than me, so when we met as teenagers there was no way either would have seen the other as boyfriend/ girlfriend material. I married a mutual friend of ours, and his now wife always said she knew she had to impress me more than his mother.
When I split up with my husband he said "He's my mate, but you're my friend" He, and his wife, were a fantastic support and it was going out with him one night that made me realise I did still like male company and got me back in the dating game.
He is currently waiting to meet the new man in my life, and I know that I will be repaying the compliment in that he will have to impress my friend if it's ever going to last.

I might not reveal my innermost thoughts to him, I save that for my girl friends, but there's no better friend to have on a night out, or to cheer you up, than a male one!

Skintski

I'm female, my best friend is male and we are both married to other people. We socialise just the two of us or we socialise altogether or with friends. It's never been an issue.

I work in the motor trade so 95% of the people I deal with are guys so it's no surprise that I have no issue making and keeping male friends.

Tropez

I'm friends with quite a few women. I don't fancy them and they don't fancy me (I'm not a sexy man).

Frankly, if I get on with someone and we have common interests then their gender doesn't matter. People are people.

summerspring

People can think the strangest things, sometimes.

I remember meeting a new friend (acquaintance, really) at university, in freshers week. We went to a few places: shopping, cafes, bars and so on, but she didn't want to go out with just one other woman because (in her words) "people might think we're lesbians" :rotfl::rotfl:

So it seems that 2 people meeting up must be romantically involved, in some people's minds.

repeatoffender

Could it be that there is the potential for a romance to develop that makes some people uncomfortable with this. If a man and woman are friends who go out together - clearly enjoy each others company and have fun.

My OH has female friends - usually met through work - he may have coffee after work or lunch. I have male friends - some from my childhood - others met through work - who I socialise with in a similar way.

If my OH wanted to go to the cinema with said friend or out on the town I am not sure I would like this - yet if he did the same with a male friend I would not bat an eyelid. If I suggested going out for the evening with a male friend my OH would ask why I did not just go out with him

I am talking about a one to one basis here and not socialising with other friends. I do know someone whose partner has a female for a best friend and he often goes to dinner with her or to an event - art gallery or concert - and I know his girlfriend struggles with this arrangement.

duchy

I can see there can be an issue if two friends share a hobby (like classical concerts) which their partners don't share but in all honesty I don't see why two people who are just friends should stop enjoying a hobby because their insecure partner doesn't enjoy it too.

Either you have a relationship where you trust each other......or you don't really have a relationship anyway. If my partner had issues with it -we'd probably not be planning a future together....but it's a two way street I wouldn't stop or complain about him doing stuff without me either.

Guest101

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I have some good friends who are male, as mentioned before my best friend is a guy (and shock horror also an ex! :eek: ) but we've been friends for over 10 years, i get on great with his gf who i also consider a great friend and i'm honorary aunty to their son

I think people who assume people of the opposite sex can't be friends probably have their own insecurities somewhere.

In your position, it's less likely to lead to anything, you've tried it and it didnt work out.

I suspect it's the unknown that causes problems.

We do get hung up on sex in this country. it's a short lived event at one point in time.

Of course men and women can be friends. Then they might be lovers. Then friends again. Or just friends. Or they get married and live happily ever after.

At whatever point in time things can change, or they stay the same.

Or shock horror, 2 single people have needs but no relationship desires.

It's all on a case by case basis.

benjus

duchy wrote: »

I can see there can be an issue if two friends share a hobby (like classical concerts) which their partners don't share but in all honesty I don't see why two people who are just friends should stop enjoying a hobby because their insecure partner doesn't enjoy it too.

This reminds me... my OH is from Argentina, and we know another couple who live near us which is a Swiss woman and an Argentine man. Largely out of a desire to get to know Argentine culture a bit more, I suggested we all went to Tango classes. Of course, the 2 Argentines had no interest in this so I ended up going with the Swiss woman while the others did their own thing (separately). Didn't last long though.

On the general point, I have always had quite a few female friends - I like talking to women. I did once develop romantic feelings for one of them, but in general I keep my romantic life separate from my platonic friendships.

Indie_Kid

duchy wrote: »

I can see there can be an issue if two friends share a hobby (like classical concerts) which their partners don't share

why would this be an issue?

duchy

Indie_Kid wrote: »

why would this be an issue?

For me it wouldn't be -as the rest of my post made clear if you'd read on