Men and women being friends

onlyroz

Judi wrote: »

If your physically attracted to them it makes things a bit awkward.

You don't have to be physically attracted to someone to get on with them extremely well.

HB58

I have a lovely male friend whom I see most weeks, I refer to him as my Thursday Man. We met 10 years ago and have become firm friends over the years. I am married, TM is currently single.

There is no physical attraction on my side but he says he fancies me like crazy* - I don't know whether that's true but it certainly does my self-esteem a lot of good! Unlike my husband, TM notices my clothes, hair, make-up etc (he's fiercely hetero though). We talk about anything and everything and laugh a lot.

Hubbie was a bit uneasy about the friendship at first - he said he trusted me but not TM - but always said that was his problem, not mine. After all these years he has come to recognise that TM is good for me ( I hope I am good for him too). In turn, that is good for our marriage.

A few people, mostly older, think our friendship is strange but most people accept it as normal so I think it's not so unusual these days.

* I have a sneaking suspicion that he would run a mile if ever I said 'Yes'!!

FBaby

Unlike my husband, TM notices my clothes, hair, make-up etc (he's fiercely hetero though). We talk about anything and everything and laugh a lot.

There seems to be quite some ambiguity in this relationship though and the above make it sound like you wish you had that with your husband but you don't so you find it with your friend.

Your last sentence is also ambiguous as you make it sound that if you did found it physically attractive (which can happen) and he asked you for more, you would say (and of course he wouldn't run away, why would he?)

My OH has friends from both sex and I don't have an issue with it at all, but if he wrote the above, I would see it in a very different light and wouldn't believe it was an innocent friendship. I would be offended if I thought that his friendship with one of them impacted on our marriage.

PeacefulWaters

I have a handful of female friends, a couple of whom are absolute stunners.

I just accept that I'm married, they're married and I'm out of my league. it allows those friendships to prosper!

jetplane

I think it is more common for women to have female friends, which is why people may assume. It's neither wrong to have a friend of the opposite sex or assume that the friend was of the same sex.

I wonder if it's more common in younger people? Friendships can't develop without the means to meet and get to know each other. My school and early working life was mostly women, whereas the same career choices now are a much more integrated mix.

I have had 3 or 4 close platonic friendships with men, and work with a girl who sits with the men in the office, in meetings, at lunch and socialises outside of work with them. She is married with children and she just prefers male company.

System

onlyroz wrote: »

You don't have to be physically attracted to someone to get on with them extremely well.

I'm not disagreeing with you here.

persa

A friend of mine keeps asking if I see a particular guy as a romantic interest. Every time I tell her no and point out she's already asked me that, she denies all knowledge. It's starting to wind me up.

I get on really well with him intellectually, but physically, we would make a very strange couple. There's no attraction my part, and I seriously doubt there's any on his.

TBH, I think she's jealous that he's diverting some of my free time away from her. But he's fun to hang out with and she's bloody hard work. If I saw her any more often, I'd end up strangling her. Me hanging out with other people is therefore for her own good!

If I'm seeing a friend, I'll say I'm seeing a friend. If I see the same friend on multiple occasions and end up mentioning that friend on multiple occasions, I'll usually start referring to them by a nickname to give some context.

For example, "See you later, I'm off out with Yoga Man" or "I'm on my way to see a film with Bob the Blogger". No one actually cares who you're seeing if they don't know them too, they're just curious as to how they fit into your life/friendship network. A nickname deals with that.

Indie_Kid

Judi wrote: »

If your physically attracted to them it makes things a bit awkward.

Only if you make it awkward, imo.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I've come to the conclusion that there are two types of people; those that have lots of friends of both gender and think nothing of it, and those who always view male-female interaction through the prism of sexual relations. Both find the others' attitude puzzling.

gonzo127

well for me of course male and female people can be just friends, but then again, my best friend is female, and has been my best friend for as long as i can remember,

she knows everything about me and vise versa. there has never been a chance of anything 'happening' between us because we are just not like that, and its not as if there hasnt been chances for things to happen, as there has been plenty over the years - sharing a bed when she came to visit me at uni and we went out for a night out, sharing tents on holidays and festivals, its just not something that is possible because we are just friends.

anyone who knows us, understands and doesn't bother questioning, everyone who doesn't know us, seem to think we are a couple, but its become a giggle now to see what people automatically assume, as we had when we was out shopping not long back and the shop assistant automatically assumed i was her husband, no harm done so didn't bother correcting her. and we actually have a bit of a laugh and joke with her husband about it, because i seem to get taken for her husband more than he does