People using up your time

Jagraf

During our holiday, I was trying to explain to my Dd16 why she thought keeping us waiting was OK. It may have been 5 minutes while she brushed her hair, 15 minutes while she changed her outfit, on top of a given time to be ready. I explained that by keeping us waiting, she was in fact seeing her time as more important than mine, therefore seeing herself as more important than me (yes I got a lot of eye rolling ).

I started to do the same back, and it worked

It did get me thinking though, how many adults do this to each other. Not just being late, but holding people up, eg:

Having conversations at counters in the bank, post office etc
Reversing into parking spaces when clearly its not going to happen any time soon
Being late for take off :eek:
Tailgating on a right of way so that the traffic your side has to wait longer, and going through red traffic lights at roadworks.

I hate making people wait when it's my fault, but some people are just oblivious - they don't even know they do it.

My DD is fine now

vroombroom

This annoys me greatly.

My CM is great example of this - when I drop my son off, she goes into great detail about her weekend or something similar. I have to get to work.
She is the same when I pick my son up too - general chit chat about how he is and what they have been doing, then launching into how her car has broke or the price of holidays.
She talks and talks and never lets you get a word in edge ways.

amistupid

I hate being kept waiting. The worst offenders are woman who don't 'do it' on a first date!

:D

missbiggles1

Jagraf wrote: »

During our holiday, I was trying to explain to my Dd16 why she thought keeping us waiting was OK. It may have been 5 minutes while she brushed her hair, 15 minutes while she changed her outfit, on top of a given time to be ready. I explained that by keeping us waiting, she was in fact seeing her time as more important than mine, therefore seeing herself as more important than me (yes I got a lot of eye rolling ).

I started to do the same back, and it worked

It did get me thinking though, how many adults do this to each other. Not just being late, but holding people up, eg:

Having conversations at counters in the bank, post office etc
Reversing into parking spaces when clearly its not going to happen any time soon
Being late for take off :eek:
Tailgating on a right of way so that the traffic your side has to wait longer, and going through red traffic lights at roadworks.

I hate making people wait when it's my fault, but some people are just oblivious - they don't even know they do it.

My DD is fine now

Some of those are just plain rude but do we really want to live in a society where people can't have a conversation in shops, POs etc?

BigAunty

I had a long-term friendship with a now ex friend.

She was very late for everything and was extremely unapologetic for her tardiness, often giving flimsy excuses if she could be bothered at all, typically she was quite aggressive when challenged.

This was also coupled with non-completion of virtually any kind of task that she was given (if she bothered to accept it all as she inevitably shunned taking on any kind of responsibility).

For example, if we organised a camping weekend away, she would turn up late at the meeting point, half packed and then she would sulk if she didn't like the days activities.

If we organised a group cycling trip, she would cause everyone to miss the train out to the cycle trail, call someone an hour before to sort out her puncture and then halt the agreed length of the cycle trip because she wanted to go back on some flimsy pretext.

She was a guest at an overseas wedding and their father of the bride paid the hotels and sightseeing costs of the foreign guests. She simply turned up late for the relatives that were scheduled to drive them to the events and the special wedding related meals.

This embarrassed her friends staying with her who saw that she would get up late, groom herself slowly and not give a damn for those waiting in the hotel lobby waiting for her to appear.

If she invited you for dinner, you could bet that virtually nothing would be prepared, she'd have to nip out for ingredients at the last minute and we'd have to wait until about 9pm for the first course to appear.

In all these things, she simply didn't understand why people made a fuss.

When I came across the definition for passive aggressive behaviour, this described her to a tee. This is about habitual procrastination and resentment in social and work situations.

What characterises people as PA is their wilful hostility to comply with what other people expected of them, through not bothering to do things right, by doing them late, griping, always 'forgetting' to do things.

I know this is an extreme example but some people have personality disorders where chronic lateness is one expression of the drive to have their own way whenever they like.

It goes much deeper as it's about their contempt for others, their drive to undermine team goals - 'purposeful inefficiency', their sabotaging of things so they can assert themselves, a way of gaining power of others, very immature behaviour on many fronts.

cakeforbrains

Sometimes, when people are having a conversation with a cashier (or whoever) it'll be the only conversation they've had that day, or that week.

Also, as an aside, people who have Aspergers Syndrome often keep chatting for far too long because they find it very difficult to pick up on those 'got to go now' body-language cues. We've always had to be very patient around my brother about this, whilst gently trying to teach him how to 'not take up too much of other's time'.

amistupid

Jagraf wrote: »

Having conversations at counters in the bank, post office etc

I can tolerate chatty conversations between staff and customers but my blood boils when I'm kept waiting by two shop assistants nattering about nothing.

SavingPennies_2

Nothing wrong with having chat with the cashier if no-one else is waiting, but otherwise holding other people up in a queue is just plain rude, and I sometimes feel like some people do it on purpse.

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Some of those are just plain rude but do we really want to live in a society where people can't have a conversation in shops, POs etc?

No, but some people are oblivious to the queue of people forming behind them. A quick conversation as the transaction is being processed, but not to the detriment of slowing down the transaction, and definitely not after it's finished. That persons time is not more important than mine. Can you tell it's one of my bug bares? :mad:

There was (maybe still is, but I haven't seen her for quite a while) a woman who worked in a supermarket in town, and she was well known for talking all the time to customers, so much so that it would hold queues up and people would get annoyed. I've witnessed several people tell her to please finish her conversation and serve them as they're in a rush (myself included), still doesn't stop her though.

motorguy

A couple of ones that get to me -

Parking on a petrol pump forecourt to go in to the shop, instead of using the parking spaces provided, meaning cars have to wait to use those pumps until you come back out

Taking your time when there is clearly someone waiting behind you at a filling station - so they get into the car, check their phone, adjust their hair, admire themselves in the mirror, fumble for the seatbelt, turn the radio on - all of which could be done at no inconvenience to anyone by moving forward ten feet.

motorguy

And a couple more - pensioners using the first thing in the morning / after 17:00 doctors appointments, when they should be being used by people who have jobs to go to.

Granted there may be some reliant on bus schedules, etc, but not all of them!