smallholdingsister's strivings

Karmacat

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Squirrel I agree about identity. I always felt the same until I had to deal with someone in management with worse results than me who the kids can't bear, criticising EVERYTHING I do ...

I had a bit of an identity thing a few years ago - not cos of my job, but because of which city I lived in. When I said where I lived, people used to go "ooh, how interesting!". Nowadays when I say where I live, people have never heard of it :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: I'm still glad of the move for *my* sake, but it can be a bit of a slap in the face with a wet kipper

Goldiegirl

gallygirl wrote: »

Alex how would you feel about Mrs LK giving up work and you all moving in with HER parents and living off their income? Not all of us (well actually, none of us!) have parents with enough room and income to make that a viable alternative, even if we were prepared to give up our financial independence.

Good point.

I'd also ask Alex to use his imagination, and think of an alternative universe, where he didn't have wealthy parents, so couldn't call on the bank of mum and dad to finance his business, or put him through university or just generally act as a safety net. Plus, no big house to move back to if it all goes totally wrong.

Would you still have the same attitudes about 'work fitting in with your hobbies'? How would you manage this?

Or would you be like most people, and do whatever's necessary to keep afloat?

AlexLK

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Alex do you have a new ID?

I don't mind the debate at all, I provoked it.

No?

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Lots of little posts as the internet is so bad.

I love my parents but I couldn't live with them.
DH's Mum is no longer with us, but the same applies.

Squirrel I agree about identity. I always felt the same until I had to deal with someone in management with worse results than me who the kids can't bear, criticising EVERYTHING I do, and trying to stop me doing good things like extra curricular clubs because it made his favourites look bad.

Also not being allowed (by him) to do things I am more qualified to do than anyone in our department...

I'd like to give my son somewhere better, can't say it'd necessarily be easy living with my parents but there'd be no bills to pay and my son would get to grow up in a much nicer house.

Would it perhaps be wise for you to find a post in a different school?

AlexLK

gallygirl wrote: »

Alex how would you feel about Mrs LK giving up work and you all moving in with HER parents and living off their income? Not all of us (well actually, none of us!) have parents with enough room and income to make that a viable alternative, even if we were prepared to give up our financial independence.

:rotfl: Just no. I don't like my wife's parents, they don't like me and their house is horrible (worse than mine, a semi, single garage and no land).

Goldiegirl wrote: »

Good point.

I'd also ask Alex to use his imagination, and think of an alternative universe, where he didn't have wealthy parents, so couldn't call on the bank of mum and dad to finance his business, or put him through university or just generally act as a safety net. Plus, no big house to move back to if it all goes totally wrong.

Would you still have the same attitudes about 'work fitting in with your hobbies'? How would you manage this?

Or would you be like most people, and do whatever's necessary to keep afloat?

Life would be different and I'd be different. I'd probably be able to cope with working full time hours and be much happier with 'my lot' in life. A part of me would like to try teaching, I think if my circumstance was what you mention I'd be able to do that now my son is at school.

As it stands each and every time I visit my parents I'm reminded what a failure I am, not exactly the ideal mindset for working hard?

newgirly

:Oh dear Alex, had better not ever ask you round for a cup of tea , I live in a .....mid terrace with no garage :eek: :eek::eek:

smallholdingsister

I am on the lookout for a new job Alex, but opportunities are limited since I live in the back of beyond.
With 50000 of us leaving the profession in the last year SOMETHING must come up.

Goldiegirl

AlexLK wrote: »

:rotfl: Just no. I don't like my wife's parents, they don't like me and their house is horrible (worse than mine, a semi, single garage and no land).


Life would be different and I'd be different. I'd probably be able to cope with working full time hours and be much happier with 'my lot' in life. A part of me would like to try teaching, I think if my circumstance was what you mention I'd be able to do that now my son is at school.

As it stands each and every time I visit my parents I'm reminded what a failure I am, not exactly the ideal mindset for working hard?

Be careful, you've probably alienated more than half the forum with the highlighted comment!


What I find interesting, you seem to recognise that your upbringing hasn't done you any favours in coping with the real world - yet you seem to be keen to give your son exactly the same upbringing, financed by his grandparents.


I find it very odd

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

:Oh dear Alex, had better not ever ask you round for a cup of tea , I live in a .....mid terrace with no garage :eek: :eek::eek:

:rotfl: I've no problem drinking a cup of tea in a terraced house but wouldn't want to live in one. As for no garage, I thought you were a car enthusiast?

Goldiegirl wrote: »

Be careful, you've probably alienated more than half the forum with the highlighted comment!

What I find interesting, you seem to recognise that your upbringing hasn't done you any favours in coping with the real world - yet you seem to be keen to give your son exactly the same upbringing, financed by his grandparents.

I find it very odd

I've no problem with terraced / semi-detached properties, just don't personally want to live in one.

My son will not have the same upbringing at all and I object to you implying that's what I want. He will not be given very expensive toys for the sake of being given expensive toys, I will always give him my time, not make him feel he's a burden or unwanted and I do not agree with corporal punishment. There are so many things I do differently because I don't want him to become a spoilt child that felt he had absolutely nobody to turn to.

When he goes to university I will give him a monthly allowance which will be enough to pay for rent, food, materials for his course, car upkeep and some nights out. He won't be given a large sum of money and I will make sure he knows how to live from a set amount of money. He won't believe it grows on trees. Yes, I want him to have a broadly similar education, apart from the early years which have been very different but that doesn't mean I want the same for his upbringing, far from it.

Goldiegirl

AlexLK wrote: »

My son will not have the same upbringing at all and I object to you implying that's what I want. He will not be given very expensive toys for the sake of being given expensive toys, I will always give him my time, not make him feel he's a burden or unwanted and I do not agree with corporal punishment. There are so many things I do differently because I don't want him to become a spoilt child that felt he had absolutely nobody to turn to.

When he goes to university I will give him a monthly allowance which will be enough to pay for rent, food, materials for his course, car upkeep and some nights out. He won't be given a large sum of money and I will make sure he knows how to live from a set amount of money. He won't believe it grows on trees. Yes, I want him to have a broadly similar education, apart from the early years which have been very different but that doesn't mean I want the same for his upbringing, far from it.

When I was talking about 'the same upbringing', I talking in terms of education - it wasn't anything to do with your parenting skills. Sorry if I didn't make myself clear.

I know you don't agree, but if your son goes to university, he'd do himself a favour if he worked, as it'll be experience to add to his CV, and employers like that sort of thing. Or at least some sort of voluntary work.

I know it's all hypothetical at this stage - but where's the car coming from that you'll be paying upkeep?

Also, you seem quite sure he'll go to uni...... What happens if he decides that uni isn't for him ?

AlexLK

Goldiegirl wrote: »

When I was talking about 'the same upbringing', I talking in terms of education - it wasn't anything to do with your parenting skills. Sorry if I didn't make myself clear.

I know you don't agree, but if your son goes to university, he'd do himself a favour if he worked, as it'll be experience to add to his CV, and employers like that sort of thing. Or at least some sort of voluntary work.

I know it's all hypothetical at this stage - but where's the car coming from that you'll be paying upkeep?

Also, you seem quite sure he'll go to uni...... What happens if he decides that uni isn't for him ?

I see where you were coming from now, Goldie.

When the time comes, should my son decide to work during summer doing something related to work he wished to enter upon graduation, I'd be OK with that. I don't think students should be working in a supermarket whilst studying to make ends meet, though. Voluntary work is actually something I would actively encourage as I think it's important to give something back to society if you can. A few years back I wouldn't be saying this but after working in a school for almost two years, I'm quite proud of the fact I've managed to be a positive influence (they must really be doomed :eek:) and quite a few have become more interested in music as a result.

Regarding the car, my mother has bought 3 of the last Land Rover Defenders: one for her, one for me and one to be put away until my son turns 17. So, he'll have a car. I'd also like to restore something like a Triumph Spitfire with him over his teenage years.

If he chooses not to go to university, then that is ultimately his decision. I'd like him to go, study a subject of his interest even if he still wants to be a Gamekeeper in years to come because I think everyone can benefit from an education. However, I do not have final say over what he does with his life and will always try to help in any way I can.