Wedding gift for niece - how much to spend

mum2one

I would give £50 - u give what your comfortable with, I have a friend whos getting married and said they want money for their honeymoon, maybe not to bad but their engagement party - they wanted money for that too....

x

Money_maker

sparkiemalarkie wrote: »

I stayed close to the childhood home and gave up my career to look after elderly parents. I am the 'bag lady' of the family....

Dont put yourself down, hun. They may have bags of money but you have bags of compassion, looking after parents is a thankless but necessary task. Take comfort in your close family and two boys. You dont need all that money to be happy.

jerryOR

Give what you can afford and feel comfortable giving. I think it's very hard to specify an exact amount that is appropriate.

jackyann

I think that "cover your plate" is one of those useful guides that if taken too far can be unhelpful. So use it as far as it is helpful, but don't get into detail - and I really think it applies to adults, not kids (even teenagers!)

I am sure that some of the discomfort comes from what has happened between you & your sister. I also think your brother is being unhelpful (is he a show-off, or doesn't he understand your circumstances?)

I think your discomfort may lead you to getting fussed, so I would make a decision about what feels comfortable, then send the vouchers / cheque / whatever with a pretty card and personal message. Then don't mention it!
No-one else will (unless they are so ill mannered that you have the high ground anyway!).
If anyone else wants to discuss giving cash, just deflect the conversation by saying "yes, lots of couples do that now" without giving away your feelings.

You can say to your niece & sister that you are very honoured to be invited and how special it is to be with them on this day and such things that help build bridges.

Then enjoy the wedding and catching up with people you haven't seen.

burnoutbabe

well cover your plate applies to whether say you are an evening guest or day guest. I'd give more as a day guest than I ever would as an evening guest (where sometimes you don't get any food, have to buy your own drinks etc) They'd probably just get a card then (but then they would tend to be more work colleagues or friends you haven't seen for ages if you are just invited to the evening part)

flora48

Split the difference in your thinking, go £75.

sheramber

I gave my nephew and his bride £50. My sister and I are close and I did see him when visiting her.

In your circumstances I would not consider giving more than £50 and might even give £25 since you are not close to them.

Do not feel compelled to give more than you are comfortable with.

Your presence at the wedding should be what is important not what money you give.

gettingtheresometime

I don't know if the MOB in October is the same sister but by stretching your self with the 1st wedding, in my eyes you're setting a precedent.

Go with what you can comfortable afford now and it won't bite you on the bum later on

itsanne

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

I don't know if the MOB in October is the same sister but by stretching your self with the 1st wedding, in my eyes your setting a precedent.

Go with what you can comfortable afford now and it won't bite you on the bum later on

The bit in bold is important. You have ten possible weddings, feasibly in a relatively short space of time. Even if all ten don't get married, it's likely that several will. You don't want to stress yourself by giving an amount which would cause problems in the weddings yet to come.

sparkiemalarkie

itsanne wrote: »

The bit in bold is important. You have ten possible weddings, feasibly in a relatively short space of time. Even if all ten don't get married, it's likely that several will. You don't want to stress yourself by giving an amount which would cause problems in the weddings yet to come.

Thank you.
This was quite a concern to me too.

It's the wedding politics that I find so tricky.

One of my sisters is telling me that I need to go up the day before the wedding so that I can look after my mum while everyone else is busy.

MOB says that she has a lovely dress that I can borrow and that I MUST NOT consider wearing trousers to the wedding.

And the friends that were going to have the dog for the day now can't!....

In truth, I would loved to have taken the opportunity to have had a short break with my own family as mum was being looked after and I knew she would be safe, but I couldn't quite do it as I'm trying to mend fences...

Quite a lot of my anguish is , not only the gift, but unresolved resentment that has bubbled up from my toes to the pit of my stomach.....

But then the day isn't about me, it's about the young couple starting out on their new adventure.....

It will be a lovely day, I'm sure.


sparkie