Wedding gift for niece - how much to spend

sparkiemalarkie

Hello, my niece is getting married next week and has asked for money instead of a gift.
She has been living with her partner for 3+ years and they have everything they need for their home.

I haven't seen her for about 4 years.... we are not particularly close.

I am happy to go to their wedding to please my sister. However, another member of my family said that the amount of money gifted should, at least, cover the cost of our entertainment food and drink that we would consume at the wedding reception.

It was suggested that since there are 4 of us going I should consider gifting £250+

Any thoughts on this please?
(This equates to 2 weeks income for me)


thanks
sparkie

gettingtheresometime

Just give what you can afford.

Ignore any silly comments about having to 'pay' (which is what giving the cost of the food etc equates to in my book) to attend.

ognum

Firstly I would suggest you take no notice of what others are telling you you should do.

Next go with your gut instinct.

Are the four of you adults or babies?

I would say that as an Aunt £100 would be a very nice gift but that's my gut instinct, what's yours?

mgdavid

haven't seen her for 4 years.....
not particularly close....

50 quid, 100 tops.

jackyann

I certainly don't think you should give 2 weeks' income (unless you work very few hours a week / have another source of income!)

If there's no "family guide" in place, I do actually think "cover your plate" can be a useful guide (but not to the point that you ring up asking how much!)

I wonder who suggested £250 for 4 people (which sounds a lot to me - that's a very good meal and a good many drinks!) and why they suggested it.

I think a lot of different factors come into play as well as how close you are and how well off you are:
how many other nieces & nephews in this part of the family?
when (if) your kids get married, are niece's parents likely to be reciprocal?
are travel / staying over expenses high for you?
are your parents involved at all and do they have an opinion?

I also wonder (in the MSE spirit) if you can offer something towards the wedding. I usually offer to do / make something / help set up etc. Very few couples get everything done professionally and often welcome these offers.

codemonkey

Wow. £250 seems like a lot. When we got married, we asked for money/gift vouchers when pressed (tiny house, no space for the stuff we already had), but what I meant by that was 'If you want to, chuck £10 or whatever in a card' I think £250 would have just made me feel uncomfortable and a bit guilty. I certainly didn't mind if it was a small amount or nothing. I was just grateful people showed up.

A couple of people us some money in the currency of the place we went on honeymoon, which was nice as they'd made an effort and we didn't immediately know how much it was. It also meant that we could take photos of ourselves doing the activity that their gift paid for so they knew what we'd spent it on.

sparkiemalarkie

Thank you for the replies.

We are 4 adults - 2 teenage boys that eat like horses!

There are 10 nieces and nephews and the 2nd one is getting married in October... we seem to be on a roll.
They are all 27+ and working.

I can only work part time as I am a carer for our mother (unpaid) and she has many, many hospital appointments per month. She also needs shopping, cleaning, banking, gardening company... etc

I do have savings, but don't want to use those.

My brother suggested the £250+ ( at least £250 for a family of 4 were the exact words ) He is very wealthy and lives abroad. Him and his wife are flying in and staying in a hotel for 4 nights so that they can spend some time with the extended family.

I fell out with this sister (mother of the bride) about 5 years ago and we are just getting back on track. She hasn't suggested an amount for the gift, but I am very conscious that I don't want to offend and allow bad feelings to resurface.

Most things for the wedding are 'home made'. So a lot of work has gone into it - and probably a lot of stress.
I have nothing to offer time/effort wise that's useful.

My initial thoughts for a gift was £100 but after 'the conversation' felt that I should at least increase it to £150. I have managed to get £93 from selling some things so I don't have much more to find. However , I need to match the amount in October...

Weddings!! Phew..

thanks for listening

sparkie

trolleyrun

There's no need to give more than £100. I'd be tempted to give £50 in your situation. If that's all you can afford, then so be it. If any of your relatives have an issue with that, then that's their problem quite frankly.

peachyprice

£100 is plenty. There's no need to feel that you have to give them the equivalent of what it is costing them to invite you, what a ridiculous suggestion by your brother.

Brighton_belle

ognum wrote: »

I would say that as an Aunt £100 would be a very nice gift but that's my gut instinct, what's yours?

As an aunt I gave £20 to my nephew when he got married. It was all I could afford. I got a lovely thank you letter from both of them after.
When I got married I asked for nothing. A few of my friends I knew to be on very low incomes I specifically made sure they knew I did not what them to spend any money, I just wanted them to be at there.
It's very sad weddings bring out a sense of entitlement and the anxiety it causes other people. I always think people who are getting married to the love of their life have won the life lottery anyway so why do they need money as well (especially if they already have everything they need because they have been living independent of parents for years).


OP I appreciate desire to build bridges with your family, but giving over £100 on your income, when you are also your mothers carers is really really shouldn't be necessary.
As for this 'paying for what you consume' - utter nonsense - people should have the receptions they can afford.

pickledonionspaceraider

I would not like the idea of being told what I should gift.

two weeks income as a wedding gift. Sorry but that is a massive mickey take!

In this situation, a family member not seen in four years, such a huge monetary expectation - (that doesn't include clothes for you and travel etc) I would likely decline the invitation as they have chosen to get married somewhere rather expensive in my opinion, and it seems like expectation is that guests are expected to fund it

Ref giving £250 - would you ever eat somewhere that cost £62.50 a head? Me neither