Sister in law is an utter b**ch

BarryBlue

Pollycat wrote: »

Why shouldn't the OP's husband tell his sister to 'go hang'?

After all, it was he who said he wanted to move to Spain and it was he who had the conversation with his sister.

I think you misunderstand me. You say "Why shouldn't they...." and I said they should. :think:

Pollycat

BarryBlue wrote: »

I think you misunderstand me. You say "Why shouldn't they...." and I said they should. :think:

I think you misunderstand me.
I didn't post anything about 'why shouldn't they...'.

I think it's the OP's husband's place - as opposed to 'their place' - to deal with his sister.

Pollycat wrote: »

After all, it was he who said he wanted to move to Spain and it was he who had the conversation with his sister.

BarryBlue

Pollycat wrote: »

I think you misunderstand me.
I didn't post anything about 'why shouldn't they...'.

I think it's the OP's husband's place - as opposed to 'their place' - to deal with his sister.

"They" as in the OP.:doh:


Still, serves me right for wandering into HH and daring to post!:o

FBaby

OP, how do you know everything your sister in law said? Did your OH go over all the details of their conversation? Did he also said what he told her? Ie, that it was him who wanted to go, that it had always been agreed between you that that's what you would do, and that however much he will miss his sister and his parents, it is the choice he's made and wish they would respect?

Sounds to me like your OH is happy to say one thing to you and maybe something else to his sister and parents?

coolcait

BarryBlue wrote: »

"They" as in the OP.:doh:


Still, serves me right for wandering into HH and daring to post!:o

It's got nothing to do with it being an HH issue :-) So, I'll park that bit of attempted misdirection.


As presented, the 'problem' under discussion refers to the OP's husband's family trying to undermine the move overseas.


This is a move which was proposed by the husband, and the reported comments were made to the husband. Not the OP.


So whether "they" refers, in a grammatically correct way, to both the OP and her husband; or, in a more colloquial way, to the OP alone, it puts the onus where it doesn't belong.


The OP's husband should deal with his family, and the comments they are making to him.


As an aside, the OP does come across as aggressive in her posting style, which may be a cultural thing. But her English is excellent. If her OH's Spanish is even half as good, the family could hit the ground running following a move to Spain.

pollypenny

I don't think the OP is at all aggressive. I'd be pretty annoyed if someone, who lives nearby and can't be bothered to visit, tells me I shouldn't move near my parents or anywhere, in fact,

It's very likely that SIL is thinking about future responsibilities with aged parents.

OP, go and have a fabulous life in Spain. You've done your stint in the UK.

balletshoes

fawd1 wrote: »

Well, for the background. OH and I have been together for 9 years, married for 6. Now before we ever got married I told him I wanted to live in Spain with any children I may have (I'm from there originally, I'm not weird). So having lived here together for 9 years, with a six and a half year old child, we looked at everything again and it was my OH who said he wanted to move. I of course jumped on the opportunity so we're going. However... now my SIL, who we see maybe twice a year (despite her living less than 15 minutes drive away) has decided to tell him that he shouldn't move because I'm forcing him into it, she'll miss him too much, his parents will miss him too much, and it will only be, in her words, "Spanish family" out there. i.e mine. Now considering that I see her twice a year, her husband once a year at most and my inlaws (the grandparents who apparently can't stop crying because we're leaving- we called them up to ask if they wanted to spend the weekend with the kids, they couldn't because they were tired) once or twice a month, and only at my insistence. Am I wrong to want to tell her where to go? Especially since she's said to my husband that the only possible reason that he would want to move there is because I can't be bothered to earn enough money for us to have a holiday there. Despite the fact that I've been looking after 2 children for the last 6 years, not including her own (for nothing) when she was busy. The best part is she's now asking when she can come and stay for free. I want to tell her never.

so were you there when this conversation took place, or are you getting your husband's version of the conversation (not saying thats not what was said).
You don't get to tell her where to go - if your husband, off his own bat, wants to do that, fair enough (she's his sister).

balletshoes

fawd1 wrote: »

Thanks. I'm definitely trying to take the upper hand but it's just so difficult when she's been so rude. Not just about me personally, but about the fact that any family we may have over there aren't "real family". Well, they're real family to me. And they're real to my husband and children. We see my Spanish family more often every year than we see her or her husband. Again, they live 15 minutes away. She's not sure whether she can make it to our goodbye dinner the day before we go because her son might have a party, and she has the audacity to tell my OH that he shouldn't go because his "family" will miss him so much? Well his "spanish family" i.e mine, have provided a free home, a free car and a bank account but she can't rearrange an afternoon and we're supposed to consider her feelings? Pfft

none of what she thinks actually matters though, does it? As long as your husband doesn't share her opinions, thats all that counts. I love my mum and sister to bits, and there are quite a few bits of your post above that I can hear coming out of their mouths if I decided to go live in Turkey with my OH. They don't know my Turkish in-laws, to my family here they are my "real" family.

coolcait

pollypenny wrote: »

I don't think the OP is at all aggressive. I'd be pretty annoyed if someone, who lives nearby and can't be bothered to visit, tells me I shouldn't move near my parents or anywhere, in fact,

It's very likely that SIL is thinking about future responsibilities with aged parents.

OP, go and have a fabulous life in Spain. You've done your stint in the UK.

BiB is speculation. We have no idea why the SIL allegedly said what the OP says that the OH said she (the SIL) said ;-)


Being annoyed is one thing. How you deal with it is another. Assertion and aggression are two very different things.


I do think that the OP's posts come across as aggressive rather than assertive - and that's not an approach which will help family dynamics in these circumstances (or in many other circumstances).


I also think that her posts come across as being written by a native English speaker, rather than a native Spanish speaker - which is a compliment to her.


Unless, of course, she comes from a wholly or partly British expatriate family who happen to have lived in Spain for a generation or few.

fizz

OP-My parents were Spanish residents when I gave birth to my DD. My mom missed the delivery by 24 hours-wasn't a problem.

Do what is right for your family and if your OH is REALLY on-board with this, then who cares what his sister thinks, unless there is something more to this?

fizz.x