Sister in law is an utter b**ch

fawd1

Well, for the background. OH and I have been together for 9 years, married for 6. Now before we ever got married I told him I wanted to live in Spain with any children I may have (I'm from there originally, I'm not weird). So having lived here together for 9 years, with a six and a half year old child, we looked at everything again and it was my OH who said he wanted to move. I of course jumped on the opportunity so we're going. However... now my SIL, who we see maybe twice a year (despite her living less than 15 minutes drive away) has decided to tell him that he shouldn't move because I'm forcing him into it, she'll miss him too much, his parents will miss him too much, and it will only be, in her words, "Spanish family" out there. i.e mine. Now considering that I see her twice a year, her husband once a year at most and my inlaws (the grandparents who apparently can't stop crying because we're leaving- we called them up to ask if they wanted to spend the weekend with the kids, they couldn't because they were tired) once or twice a month, and only at my insistence. Am I wrong to want to tell her where to go? Especially since she's said to my husband that the only possible reason that he would want to move there is because I can't be bothered to earn enough money for us to have a holiday there. Despite the fact that I've been looking after 2 children for the last 6 years, not including her own (for nothing) when she was busy. The best part is she's now asking when she can come and stay for free. I want to tell her never.

Mojisola

fawd1 wrote: »

Am I wrong to want to tell her where to go?

Not wrong in wanting to but it's probably best not to do it.

Just reduce the contact you have with her and carry on with your plans for your little family.

fawd1

Thanks. I'm definitely trying to take the upper hand but it's just so difficult when she's been so rude. Not just about me personally, but about the fact that any family we may have over there aren't "real family". Well, they're real family to me. And they're real to my husband and children. We see my Spanish family more often every year than we see her or her husband. Again, they live 15 minutes away. She's not sure whether she can make it to our goodbye dinner the day before we go because her son might have a party, and she has the audacity to tell my OH that he shouldn't go because his "family" will miss him so much? Well his "spanish family" i.e mine, have provided a free home, a free car and a bank account but she can't rearrange an afternoon and we're supposed to consider her feelings? Pfft

fawd1

I should also point out, the family over there is actually real. I have 27 first cousins in the area and 22 aunts/uncles. I think that's real enough

gettingtheresometime

I hope your response to your other thread is a result of this argument you're having with your SIL.

fawd1

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

I hope your response to your other thread is a result of this argument you're having with your SIL.

No, although my mood may have affected it. The cat was nearly 20 years old, I asked for help and people told me I was heartless and an awful person. He couldn't have survived a 20 hour car trip, he didn't survive a 5 minute one. Maybe people could keep their animal cruelty judgement to themselves unless they know the situation.

gettingtheresometime

You may also have to consider that it may not be because your SIL will miss your OH once her has moved to Spain especially if there are elderly parents involved.

I live only a few miles from mum whereas my sister lives about a 2 hour drive away and I know that there will be no help from her if my mum ever needs any sort of care. I wouldn't resent my mum needing that help but I would resent my sister playing the 'can't help because we live away' card

fawd1

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

You may also have to consider that it may not be because your OH is moving to Spain especially if there are elderly parents involved.

I live only a few miles from mum whereas my sister lives about a 2 hour drive away and I know that there will be no help from her if my mum ever needs any sort of care. I wouldn't resent my mum needing that help but I would resent my sister playing the 'can't help because we live away' card

But there are no elderly parents involved, at least not from his side. His parents are 60 and 61, no medical worries. I would understand if they were older and needed help but they're in full health! Mind you, she used to question why I didn't spend more time with her grandmother because she was too busy to(apparently I made her feel ignored) despite me at the time living an hour away and having two young children (and should I point out-her not being my grandmother)

gettingtheresometime

fawd1 wrote: »

But there are no elderly parents involved, at least not from his side. His parents are 60 and 61, no medical worries. I would understand if they were older and needed help but they're in full health! Mind you, she used to question why I didn't spend more time with her grandmother because she was too busy to(apparently I made her feel ignored) despite me at the time living an hour away and having two young children (and should I point out-her not being my grandmother)

This may be a cultural thing, or the way your posts are coming across over the internet but to me you come across as being very confrontational.

Your MIL & PIL may be 'youngsters' at the moment but no-one gets younger and there will come a time when they will either have medical issues or need help as a general result of them getting old. Would you be happy to relocate back to this country then ?

Also when you move to Spain are you expecting your OH to visit your family or does he get to play 'they're not my family' card as well?

janb5

I don't think the Op is coming over as confrontational at all! She has stated her case very clearly and it sounds as though her husband is in full agreement with her. She has not said in her posts that she wouldnt visit her in laws once she moved so I am unsure why you should flag it up?

gettingtheresometime

janb5 wrote: »

I don't think the Op is coming over as confrontational at all! She has stated her case very clearly and it sounds as though her husband is ion full agreement with her. She has not said in her posts that she wouldnt visit her in laws once she moved so I am unsure why you should flag it up?

I am merely suggesting that the SIL may have other reasons for not jumping with joy at the thought of her brother disappearing across Europe apart from 'him missing the family'.

Yes I know people move away large distances from their parents / siblings for all sorts of reasons but it does cause resentment when one sibling is expected to look after relatives.

Of course she may just be a bit*h.