Sister in law is an utter b**ch

lee111s

I would love for my sister to move abroad, think of all the cheap holidays!

That aside, ultimately you and your husband have to think about your lives, not other peoples. We're not here to please everyone, we're here to live our lives. If for you, that's moving to Spain, do it.

It's only a couple of hours on a plane should an urgent visit be required either way. Don't beat yourself up. In reality, she's probably just a bit jealous.

maman

Hasta la vista!!!


Enjoy and forget SIL.:)

ognum

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

This may be a cultural thing, or the way your posts are coming across over the internet but to me you come across as being very confrontational.

Your MIL & PIL may be 'youngsters' at the moment but no-one gets younger and there will come a time when they will either have medical issues or need help as a general result of them getting old. Would you be happy to relocate back to this country then ?

Also when you move to Spain are you expecting your OH to visit your family or does he get to play 'they're not my family' card as well?

I agree with you, I feel the OP has a very aggressive attitude. Anyone who uses the B word is in my opinion uneducated, it is un-necessary and un-pleasant and tells a lot about the writer.

I actually can't understand the need for the post, OP is not asking for advice she is just ranting. Op will do what she wants that is clear!

Redacted

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

I am merely suggesting that the SIL may have other reasons for not jumping with joy at the thought of her brother disappearing across Europe apart from 'him missing the family'.

Yes I know people move away large distances from their parents / siblings for all sorts of reasons but it does cause resentment when one sibling is expected to look after relatives.

Of course she may just be a bit*h.

Of course, that doesn't take account of the ops parents, who presumably live in Spain, who may also have future care needs. What is the moral expectation then? That the op should live in Spain to care for her parents and her husband in the UK to care for his?

The sister in law may be thinking about that, but if she is, she's prioritising her parents' potential future needs above the op's parents' potential future needs. That doesn't feel particularly fair. Moreover, why should they not move because of something that may happen in the future? As lee111s has said, they are only a short plane ride away.

As to the opening post, I wouldn't say anything to your sil about the conversation she had with your husband. Presumably he set her straight about why he'd also like to move, and you getting involved and telling her where to go will likely only confirm in her mind that you are in control of this and forcing him. As for the holiday issue, I would stick to a non-committal response that's neither a yes or no. Saying never is only likely to inflame the situation, making familial relations harder for your husband.

Pollycat

fawd1 wrote: »

Well, for the background. OH and I have been together for 9 years, married for 6. Now before we ever got married I told him I wanted to live in Spain with any children I may have (I'm from there originally, I'm not weird). So having lived here together for 9 years, with a six and a half year old child, we looked at everything again and it was my OH who said he wanted to move. I of course jumped on the opportunity so we're going. However... now my SIL, who we see maybe twice a year (despite her living less than 15 minutes drive away) has decided to tell him that he shouldn't move because I'm forcing him into it, she'll miss him too much, his parents will miss him too much, and it will only be, in her words, "Spanish family" out there. i.e mine. Now considering that I see her twice a year, her husband once a year at most and my inlaws (the grandparents who apparently can't stop crying because we're leaving- we called them up to ask if they wanted to spend the weekend with the kids, they couldn't because they were tired) once or twice a month, and only at my insistence. Am I wrong to want to tell her where to go? Especially since she's said to my husband that the only possible reason that he would want to move there is because I can't be bothered to earn enough money for us to have a holiday there. Despite the fact that I've been looking after 2 children for the last 6 years, not including her own (for nothing) when she was busy. The best part is she's now asking when she can come and stay for free. I want to tell her never.

Why not leave your husband to explain to his family why the move is the right decision for you both?

Marisco

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Your MIL & PIL may be 'youngsters' at the moment but no-one gets younger and there will come a time when they will either have medical issues or need help as a general result of them getting old. Would you be happy to relocate back to this country then ?

Surely your not suggesting folk don't get on with their own lives, are you? Everyone has parents that sooner or later get older, "children" shouldn't plan their future lives on that though! It's odds on the op could get to the in laws quicker than my kids (who live several hours away from me) could. I would be very upset/angry if I thought my kids took me into consideration when they plan their lives and decide where to live.

Someone of 60 could live another 20/30 years, by that time it would be too late for the "kids" to do anything, and I'd hate to think my kids resented me for "stopping" them making their own lives.

To the op I'd say go and enjoy your new life, knowing it's not that far away should the need arise, and take no notice of your SIL, she's probably only jealous that she hasn't had/got the same opportunity.

Pollycat

fawd1 wrote: »

Well, for the background. OH and I have been together for 9 years, married for 6. Now before we ever got married I told him I wanted to live in Spain with any children I may have (I'm from there originally, I'm not weird). So having lived here together for 9 years, with a six and a half year old child, we looked at everything again and it was my OH who said he wanted to move. I of course jumped on the opportunity so we're going. However... now my SIL, who we see maybe twice a year (despite her living less than 15 minutes drive away) has decided to tell him that he shouldn't move because I'm forcing him into it, she'll miss him too much, his parents will miss him too much, and it will only be, in her words, "Spanish family" out there. i.e mine. Now considering that I see her twice a year, her husband once a year at most and my inlaws (the grandparents who apparently can't stop crying because we're leaving- we called them up to ask if they wanted to spend the weekend with the kids, they couldn't because they were tired) once or twice a month, and only at my insistence. Am I wrong to want to tell her where to go? Especially since she's said to my husband that the only possible reason that he would want to move there is because I can't be bothered to earn enough money for us to have a holiday there. Despite the fact that I've been looking after 2 children for the last 6 years, not including her own (for nothing) when she was busy. The best part is she's now asking when she can come and stay for free. I want to tell her never.

What did your husband say to his sister when she said to him what I've put in bold type?

skattykatty

If this conversation was between your SiL and your husband, then let him talk to her (or not) as he sees fit. It sounds like the 'English' side of the family doesn't quite life up to 'Spanish' side and this culture clash has been tough for you to negotiate. However, the decision has been made. You're going. So look forward. In today's world of easy travel, Spain is probably easier (and cheaper) to visit than other parts of the UK. It sounds like you have a large extended family who will provide a wonderful support network for you all. How exciting....moving is stressful at the best of times, so try and reserve your energy for what needs to be done rather than confronting your SiL.

BarryBlue

I am a great believer in living your life for yourself and your immediate family, your partner and children, because that is where your responsibility lies. You should not be expected to put major decisions in life on hold because of other people. I have always found that relationships with relatives are too often one-sided.

The OP is quite correct in planning what they believe to be the best future for their family. If, in order to do that, they need to tell this SIL to go hang, then so be it. Don't waste an opportunity because you only get one go at life. Good luck!

Pollycat

BarryBlue wrote: »

The OP is quite correct in planning what they believe to be the best future for their family. If, in order to do that, they need to tell this SIL to go hang, then so be it. Don't waste an opportunity because you only get one go at life. Good luck!

Why shouldn't the OP's husband tell his sister to 'go hang'?

After all, it was he who said he wanted to move to Spain and it was he who had the conversation with his sister.