Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

crazy_cat_lady

Thankyou for that ABA - it's very inspiring. Especially as my head isn't in a good place at the moment and I'm struggling to believe I can do anything. My weight seems to be the one thing I can't ever get my head round but I never give up trying. You have done amazingly well - I really hope that you're proud of your achievements.
As for the decluttering - long may that mood continue. Make the most of it while it's there

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, ccl It's weird, but I have only lost weight since I stopped obsessing about weight. Yes, I want to be slim and look better, but I want to feel fit, strong and healthy more than anything.

Paid my mum rent and the £36 I owed her from recent spending

Paid £35 off cc, so it's now £700.

Got my OU results yesterday -- my final assignment got 95, like the 3 prior assignments, so my overall score (unsurprisingly!) is 95. Feel relieved more than anything. Hope I get confirmation of my student loan for 2018/19 soon, so I know for definite that I will be doing the next modules.

Feel I can focus on my Camp NaNoWriMo novel now, but I have a lot of catching up to do. Reaching my 70,000 word target means writing 4000-5000 words a day. Doable, but need to get my nose to the grindstone....

AspiringButAnxious

Got my student loan confirmation
I knew I should, but my anxiety kicks in and makes me think there will be problems. Hugely relieved!

Spent almost £70 on 4 books this week. They should help me achieve my health/fitness goals, but I feel a bit guilty. Also bought a belt for £10, though it will help me wear my trousers/jeans for longer. Might use a chunk of my rdf to reduce my cc balance.

Also owe my mum about £50 from shopping on Thursday -- needed underwear desperately and stocked up on hair dye and half price skin firming lotion. Losing weight is expensive.

My main financial goal is to end 2018 with no more debt than I started and the same amount of savings. Ideally, I would love to meet my savings goals (adding £400 to rdf and £500 to ef), but can't see that happening. My mental and physical health are more of a priority and should put me in a better position to earn more in future, so considering 2018 an investment in my future.

UncannyScot

Hi AbA

I have just finished reading your entire diary and just wanted to say WOW how far you have come since then.
You are truly an inspiration and a totally awesome person.
A lot of what you have written about here has really resonated with me and my own struggles with anxiety / depression, thank you, for helping me to come to terms with a lot of things that had been troubling me for a long time.
After a long, long time things are going good for me and I feel that it has been since coming on here, the DFW forum and facing up to my situation that I am definitely heading forwards in life now.
I am subscribed up now to your diary, so you have another friend and follower on here. :A

AspiringButAnxious

Aw, thank you, Uncanny I'm really touched and glad my experiences are helping someone.

So... I did the sensible thing and took £500 out of my rdf to slash my cc balance to £280. Feels a bit !!!! to have to do it, but having such a high cc balance was stressing me out. I feel more in control now and will pay back the rdf once I clear the cc.

Should be getting a £15 refund soon, because the "plantbased" cookbook I ordered was not actually plantbased so I'm returning it. The author promotes herself as plantbased and no mention was made of the majority of the recipes containing egg and dairy. Very annoying, especially as the book had sounded interesting. At least it saves me some money, I guess.

Starting to feel nervous about my Arvon course, though I'm looking forward to it. 3 weeks today!

Got confusing letter from Student Finance England, saying it succeeds any previous offers and states a lower amount than the first letter. Dated one day after the first letter. Logged in online and it still says the full amount. I'm hoping it has split the amount into modules, because I'm planning to do a 60 credit and a 30 credit module this year, rather than just one 60 credit like last year. Today's letter covers the 60 credit module cost. Praying I get another letter confirming the cost of the 30 credit module.

Otherwise, I don't know what I'll do. I want to split my modules this way so that I can complete the degree in 5 years, but I don't want to take on commercial debt. I feel like mental illness has stolen so much time from me already -- and continues to steal it, although usually in hours/days/weeks rather than months/years nowadays. Trying to focus on the bright side: I can definitely do the 60 credit module.

Feeling a little better as of yesterday, more motivated and positive. Hoping I can build on this and continue to improve my mood and, hopefully, my circumstances.

AspiringButAnxious

I know Amazon are evil and should pay more tax, but they do make returns and refunds easy! The £15 was taken off cc with no problems.

Also paid off £53 today, so cc balance is now £210. Feels a bit crap to use my savings, but at least I feel in control.

Blogged for first time in a while on Monday, but Camp NaNoWriMo is a bit of a disaster.

Weight loss continues to be excruciatingly slow...

AspiringButAnxious

My OU loan oage says both modules are covered by the approved tuition loan, so hopefully all will be well!

(Pretends I haven't been stressing about it all week)

misstara

Good news on the OU loan

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, Tara Just hope it sticks! Que sera sera...

AspiringButAnxious

Paid £90 off cc, so it's now £120. Will clear it this month, then I can start repaying my rdf.

Found out yesterday that a grant has been awarded to the youth mental health organisation for which I volunteer, which means I will get some paid work! It's a project which will encourage young people to volunteer and use art to explore mental health and wellbeing. Don't know how many hours a week it will be, or when I start (probably around September), but anything over a few hours a week, which it definitely will be, will be amazing! It will be a huge challenge for me, but I'll be working with the organisation's manager, who is very supportive and encouraging, so hopefully it will be a good opportunity to expand my skills and ability.

Also got an email yesterday saying my short story has been accepted for publication in a literary journal. It's unpaid, but I'm delighted to get a credit after nearly two years of zero writing success. I know I shouldn't rely on external validation, but writing is hard when nobody seems to want to read and publish your work. It's given me a confidence shot just as I'm beginning to feel nervous about the Arvon course.