Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, Ollie My answer probably won't be very helpful — I just had my name passed on to people by people I met while working on my employability (did a course at one place, tried to find volunteer work with another, etc). You could try emailing local charities/nonprofits to say you're looking for writing-based volunteering/work experience.

It's been a stressful week, thanks to photos I needed for a magazine article being difficult to source. I hope the stress turns out to be worth it! Sometimes I think I'm mad for putting myself through so much when I'm not getting paid. My mum tried to be helpful by googling freelance writing jobs, but most of them were the types of websites which makes writers compete for jobs paying peanuts. I've already been through my Upwork experience... There was an interesting job advertised: writing CVs for people. I have done that for my borther in the past and it's certainly more rewarding than getting paid $2 for 500 word articles. I will look into it and see if it pays a half decent amount — I don't want to be paid a fraction of minimum wage just because I'm desperate.

I spent £4.46 on ebooks on Wednesday — 4 of them, so good deals. Also bought a book by one of my favourite authors in Tesco, which was £3.85 and a couple of bars of chocolate for £2. Today, I bought a digital subscription to Vegan Life magazine for £17.99; it's good value and cheaper than the print price. Because I paid another £70 towards my course this week, I decided to withdraw £100 from my rainy day fund to ensure that I can pay off the remaining £80 without paying credit card interest. It's really borrowing from my savings, since I intend to save more after this month, but it feels like a step back.

I feel strange atm. I veer between being optimistic about getting off benefits and losing confidence in the whole idea.

AspiringButAnxious

Bought far too much junk food over the weekend — spent at least £4 — plus 3 back issues of Vegan Life magazine @ £2.29 each... Not as bad as it could be, but everything is chipping away at the money I have and the things I want to spend money on. Junk food is not a priority at the moment: paying for my writing course and getting off benefits are my top priorities.

Applied for a freelance writing job which looks promising this week. It's writing CVs and cover letters for people. I think I would enjoy it and it will cover my current income when I stop claiming esa (or should do, based on my minimum expectations of what I will be paid per CV and completing at least 25 per week), meaning I would have some security. If it works out and pays more than a couple of pounds, I think it would be ideal for me. I would be free to pursue other writing projects, but I could also prioritise my fiction and blog. I need to pass an induction first though, which should be this week, so wish me luck!

AspiringButAnxious

So... I have completed my first two orders for my new job I'm not very confident atm and am getting rather stressed, but I'm doing it. Each order takes a lot longer than it should, because I'm not used to the work and have to keep referring to examples. Hopefully I will improve soon and become more efficient. I really want to make a go of this job and it will put me on course to come off esa in May if I spend the next month or two building up my hours/orders until it covers the £100 a week I get on benefits.

I'm trying not to get ahead of myself though. Sure, this job might give me the opportunity to earn more than I anticipated and save a lot more and pay off my debt quicker, but I need to focus on learning the ropes. As stressed and anxious as I am about my work, it does take the pressure off me because I don't need to worry about marketing my writing-related skills to earn a living. Any work I get for those services will be a bonus. This also gives me plenty of time to work on my fiction writing.

I suppose I'm afraid of building my hopes because I feel it might all get taken away. I know logically that as I become more experienced I will get better at my new job, but I'm worried that a couple of months in they'll tell me I'm not good enough. This is an issue which arises frequently in my life...

In other news, I got £5 from a survey panel today and used it to pay a little off the credit card. I then put £23 back on the credit card for a Christening gift... It's weird that I'm concerned about the balance before a bill is due, considering how much I used to whack on the cc without thinking. I have changed!

I'm still doing a lot for my volunteer work and had a volunteer meeting yesterday. I was very anxious, but I'm glad I went through with it. Everyone said I'm doing a good job and it was nice to finally meet my "boss" — who was very complimentary. I wrote an article on Wednesday and another tonight. That leaves one rough draft to try to write soonish; the publication hasn't gotten back to me, so I will do an article I think will fit and email it to them and ask what they would like to change.

I'm now working on my short story, though I haven't yet completed the forst draft as I had intended. It tackles a difficult topic and I want to do it justice.

I was supposed to go to London tomorrow with friends, but it has been cancelled because my friend's mum (who has to come with us on the train so that we can get tickets for £6 — her dad is a train driver) is ill. I know it sounds terrible, but I'm relieved. As much as I was looking forward to seeing my friends, especially the one who lives in London, I'm very busy right now and it will be great to use tomorrow to do some more work and fiction writing. I also need to dye my hair, because I'm testing it for a survey panel — plus my roots are ridiculous!

crazy_cat_lady

Sorry for a short reply ABA- I'm still struggling on my tablet....
It's natural for you to worry about a new job, but you we doing it. And you're right - the longer you do it the easier it becomes. Hard yards at the beginning of something new as my head of department says. You can totally do this.

catriona79

Hey ABA,

You are doing well, being proactive and exploring various options. I think it's brilliant. Keep positive and keep going x

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks guys I think I will feel better once I get my first order approved by a client. At the moment, I don't know whether they will be pleased with my work or not.

This weekend has gone well. I have done 2 work orders, typed up changes to a couple of chapters of my novel and planned some blog posts for the next few weeks. Also finished my current short story draft at last.

My focus for the weekend will be getting to grips with the new job. I also need to dye my hair tomorrow, since I'm testing it for a survey panel. I would like to post on my blog — preferably 2 posts — and I intend to write another article for my volunteer work, which I hope to get done tonight. In addition, I would like to do some freewriting and come up with more short story ideas, because there are several competitions I want to enter between now and June.

I'm thrilled that big changes are happening — may they continue and all work out well for me!

AspiringButAnxious

I have actually done everything I mentioned in my last post! Except that I have only posted once on my blog — intend to post again today or tomorrow.

Still stressing about new job, but it's been a whole week and there hasn't been any major issues. In fact, the first client I had (whose order was reviewed by my manager) complained that the CV was "too detailed" and didn't sound like her, so I had to edit it to downplay her skills! I'm still super slow, but I'm trying not to put pressure on myself, especially not so soon.

The stress is causing headaches and gastrointestinal problems, plus my shoulders and neck are really tight, which is difficult to deal with. I'm hoping I will settle down soon. I think I'm stressing so much because this job is such an ideal solution: I am desperate for it to work out.

crazy_cat_lady

Hope you feel better soon ABA. Sounds to me like you're doing a fantastic job - remember to give yourself some positive affirmations.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks CCL will try! Trouble is, I veer between confidence and neuroticism with every order/client comment... I think part of the problem is that clients can come across as being very blunt — I have to remind myself that it might just be a lack of written communication skills, rather than a problem with me. After all, if they could write really well, they wouldn't be paying someone else to write their CVs!

Had a meeting with my fabulous Working Links advisor this afternoon and put a plan into place for gettin off ESA. It appears that I will qualify to receive tax credits, which I hadn't considered before, so she will help me apply for them and sign me off ESA. We have pencilled in the switchover for 22nd April, but our next meeting will be on 8th April and if all goes well in the meantime, I could come off ESA then. Quite exciting!

I got to keep £5 of my travel expenses (thanks Mum!), so that has gone into my savigs pot. Just as well, since I spent between £40 and £50 at Tesco on Wednesday. I needed another pair of sweatpants, since one of my current pairs has a hole which is steadily getting bigger and the surrounding fabric has worn very thin. I then saw a lovely striped top which I couldn't resist, so that was £20 gone. I also bought Pepsi Max and a bunch of roses for my Mum's birthday, which was yesterday, so that was another £10 and I probably spent at least £10 on junk food :mad: :eek:

I turned to junk food because I'm stressed and because eatig healthily hasn't resulted in the weight loss I anticipated. It was a stupid decision, but c'est la vie. I plan to focus on doing more exercise over the next few weeks, because I want to be able to reduce my antidepressant dosage to what it was for most of last year and exercise helps my depression and anxiety. Some improvement there too: I went to pick up my glasses from the opticians on my own, which I don't think I've ever done before.

The main thing is that things are flowing in the right direction and I'm still going

AspiringButAnxious

I feel like I'm being really lazy atm. I spent the whole weekend relaxing, doing a couple of fiction writing tasks and watching tv. No work whatsoever! I think I needed it though — scribbled down some ideas and goals for what I want in life. My state of mind was exacerbated by my parents upgradin to Sky hd boxes — I had wanted to watch Girls for ages, but didn't want to start in the middle so now I have access to Sky boxsets I have been watching hours and hours....

Did one work assignment yesterday, which took ages to get done because my brain is working in slow motion right now. Got.to do a few minor adjustments to 3 orders today and hope to take on a new order, but I think it's best not to pressure myself. I'm a bit worried because I have to do another 13/14 orders to meet my monthly minimum. I might end up doing loads in one day; I tend to work like that.

Not sure how to clear my head. Feel like everything is taking more effort than it should — even trying to book a doctor appointment online didn't work because they only have the available appointments displayed for the week before I want to go and there are only 4 left, none of them with my gp. Will have to keep checking or get my mum to pop in and see if they can do any better on the reception desk.

So, the plan for this week:
• Get moving on work and take on more orders
• Post on blog
• Work on a short story idea I conjured up over the weekend (hope to finish the first draft, but that might be pushing it)
• Go on treadmill and see if the plantar fasciitis has actually gone... (Intended to do this today, but think tomorrow is more realistic)