re fed up ?

teacup_2

Hi does anyone get fed up sometimes with financial situation me and my partner are married. He works i dont as kids are on summer hols, also . He earns £17,500 and at moment we have students £100. a week . Our outgoings are approx £800.00 a month and once food , petrol etc extras have been taken out their is not much left. It just seems that we are just existing and not having any holidays or doing anything fun ever together as a family. I know i shouldnt complain as we have a home and no debt and I have chosen not to work as bringing children up and I think that is lucky that I can, but it is quite tight, and when hubby is tired and I am fed up scrimping. I think life sucks(today this minute )another day I will be fine, then I feel bad as their are people with real problems who wont have the oppertunity to have a house,, or have children or have tragedy in their life, illness. Then I think right I need a good kick up the backside. How do you tell yourself to be more positive.
I got a book from the library the other day it is called "The Secret " type it in search engine it is a sort of self help book. It is about the power of thoughts about how if you stub your toe in the morning it sets you up on a bad thinking pattern for the rest of the day. How if you think something negative you are inviting a whole host of other bad thoughts in to your day. I know its not rocket science but sometimes its hard to tell yourself to be positive its all about quantom physics or something. No I am not nuts just found it interesting. The secret is quite a different book it featured on the oprah show and it just basically says change your attitude with gratitude.
Does anyone else get a bit peeved just making ends meet all the time what do other people say to them self to be optomistic. Or am I the only moaning mini here !. I think sometimes I need to make more of an effort to do things altogether as a family and squirrel away some money for a holiday nothing to flash.
I should be gratefull that I dont work and have time to bring my family up, and that I have a home and no debt. Sometimes I want a little bit more
Sorry everyone give me a kick up the backside please X

newlywed

I know how you feel. We get fed up not being able to afford to go for dinner out somewhere, or even the cinema and bowling is a struggle - though the kids keep asking :rolleyes:

For us, we seem to spend so much time indoors watching telly that we forget the other stuff - like making time for each other, chatting, laughing together.

Instead of feeling you have to go on holiday why not try a picnic in the park/beach wherever - that's a fun cheap day out together. And plan an easy meal for tea when you get back and are all tired (I usually opt for frozen pizza and oven chips )

Plan a day for a walk in the forest or something like that. Break the routine - it can be done without spending lots of cash or going away.

When we were kids we never went on holiday as money was tight and used to have days out instead. Sometimes a National Trust place (if there was a bit of money), sometimes a free, ruined castle to visit. Sometimes a cheap market/boot sale with a tiny amount of spending money each, sometimes just walking round a completely different town and having a drink and an ice-cream.

Still like doing all of that now.

I think breaking the routine of work is important and days out are more important than expensive weeks/weekends away in hotels.

Edit: and I think actually planning something - even just a day out - can help with the negative thoughts as you can acknowledge that you are going to do something and have fun and not get into huge debt for it.

michael12345

This isnt really a solution, I think newlywed covered that, but I do think that everyone feels like this from time to time? I know I certainly do.

I also think a lot of this is due to celebrity culture, having programmes like he fabolous life of.... and then showing celebs flying on private jets living in mansions and bentleys all day doesnt help.

Every celebrity magazine has someones holiday photos in, its enough to depress anyone...

sarahmoon_2

Teacup, you are definitely not alone. My Oh works for the council and the wages are barely above minimum wage and I'm now on maternity leave expecting our fourth child. I have learned a lot from this site re budgeting, meal plans etc and we even managed a four night break at Pontins thanks to this site. But I still have days when I wish the kids could have the heelys and not the strap on skates, or that we could just take them to pizza hut when they ask but we can't. In saying all that I am happy with my lot, we have a roof over our head, food in the fridge and clothes on our back. There is plenty of laughter and happiness in the house. But I do understand how you feel!!

snowmaid

Unfortunately we can't be happy all the time. It would be wonderful if we could.

I think the media also portrays certain lifestyles out there - mostly people having fun and living it up. This makes us normal folk feel failures because we don't have a snazzy car, fantastic holidays etc.

What the media DON'T tell us is that most of these people are probably up to their eyes in debt and totally stressed out.

Ok, you may be on a tight budget and lets face it, we all want extra to spoil ourselves, but let us forget what the media and society says we should be doing and focus on the basics, i.e. your family and your home. Put your energies into being thankful for what you do have and not miserable over what you don't.

Start trying to find enjoyment in little things. Try enjoy eachother's time. My OH and I had a few hours to ourselves last night, without any kids there. An hour later I was laughing at how rediculous we were - not saying a word to eacthother and staring at the telly! Our first evening alone for a long time! :rotfl:

In the 'olden' days people found enjoyment and pleasure in the most simple things and while society may say that this is old fashioned and we should move on, I think we would all be healthier mentally if we appreciated what we do have and created our own entertainment.

C_Ronaldo

OP you say you have £800 a month outgoing, whats that all for

angela6834

Why dont you look into maybe saving Tesco clubcard points up for days or meals out etc.....keep your eyes open for free flights etc?

What about mystery shopping for little treats? Keep your eyes open in the local/ national paper for offers etc?

I know since I joined this site Ive been away to so many places that I thought would cost a fortune before I joined here but in reality ive spent very little.

I think we all get fed up from time to time. So long as you realise you are all healthy and happy I'm sure it will only be short term!!

Even getting wrapped up and going to the beach for a walk on an evening once your husband is home will blow away the cobwebs and make you feel better!!

Jo.G

I feel fed up too. I see friends and family who seem to have it all - nice houses, social lives and holidays. Both me and OH work full time and on paper we have enough coming in, but in reality it doesnt balance! Before pay day I am transfering money left right and centre. Our downfall are overdrafts. We havent been on a family holiday for 3 years and my in-laws are currently in Wales with our two boys. If it wasnt for them, they would have gone without a holiday and its not fair on them. I feel like we work hard all year but have little to look forward to. Yes we have a nice house (and large mortgage!) but no other luxuries. I dont even go into town to window shop, and we havent been out for months. Looking at other people, I just feel like we are cr*p with money even though I do try and money save where I can. But at least we have our health and our kids.

sylphraven

I do when theres something I want & cant afford it, especially if its something that only costs £10 or so. My OH feels fed up on a regular basis as he's the "bread winner", I'm the "bread maker" as we have a young baby so I'm at home looking after him full time.

I got OH to write a list of what he has now & how often we go out, where to etc, & do another for 5 years ago when he was unemployed, in a lot of debt and miserable. It certainly opened his eyes. This is how I try & live my life, when I dont feel in the mood to cook I think, well 5 years ago I wouldnt have the chance to cook, it would either be egg & chips, or beans on toast.

Maybe you could take a look at the Debt free wannabes threads to see if you can pick up any tips on reducing your bills? Or get some saving tips.

OH earns about £15000 a year & we manage quite nicely, we're not jetting abroad but we do have at least 1 night out a month, & have a day out with the kids. We do try to moneysave with this as well, such as cinema trips on a tuesday (our cinemas cheap ticket day), wednesday (orange 2for1) or Odeon Kidsclub (£2.50 per child, 1 adult free per child, or £4.50 to get a filmfeast included (popcorn, drink & chocolate))

teacup_2

Hello to everyone thank you all so much for posting back to me. I was very touched ( really), it sort of made me feel better to see I was not alone in feeling this way, sometimes you feel like you are the only one with money hassles and when you look at others you think they have bottomless money pits and are having such a great time.
As newlywed suggested it is a good idea just to make the effort to go for a picnic and it doesnt have to cost anything. I never went on holiday as a child well tell a lie once I did. We got a yearly outing at chessington or a trip to the seaside. I didnt feel I lost out as a kid , its when you get older you realize you havent been many places!. Is like this lady who won the 35 million , I was working out how I would spend her money !!!. Also my kids go to a church school and the parents always seem to jet off here and their and I feel poor . I have to watch money.
Sarah you are good having 4 kids and managing to make ends meet , I think I will start meal plans.
I guess its true celebrity culture and things you read in mags does make you dream a little too.
When I dont get on with hubby , I feel miserable and skint and thinki about getting an indecent proposal of Robert Redford !!!! . No seriously it makes things easier if you are getting on , you just get to a stage sometimes when you feel in a rut , like lifes passing by. I do think I have got to learn to enjoy my hubbys company again , its like we dont make the effort as a family and just exist.
I did do some mystery shopping and it was good, so will look in to that again. Thanks for your replys its nice to know i am not the only one who lets things get to them a little sometime


monthly breakdown

council tax £119.00
mortgage £373.00
broadband 2 mb £18.00
gas £50.00
electricity £30.00
phone ( approx ) £50.00 + inc line rental
tv ntl £10.00
tv license about £9.00 cant find exact figure
denplan me £11.00
water £26.71
car insurance swinton £48.00 hubbys car ( I cant drive )
m&S life cover £15.00

about £760.00 a month , I think I have covered everything. Hubby had a car bash and we had to come up with money as it would have sent insurance premium up and messed up no claims , so we opted to strum up the cash.
I manage food for 2 x adults and 2 kids about £50 a week petrol about £30.00 a week. Its the extras like mots and lifes little things that crop up that are a struggle. We have student at moment and this money is going towards paying off our laptop we bought on 6 months interest free It cost £500.00 which we thought sod it and bought it, which was naughty
We have no home insurance , we have buildings as when you take out mortgage compulsary. I think I have covered bills child benefit is about £120.00 and this has been going on phone bill it is usually £50.oo but it has been over a hundred a few times, and also we bought a garden table which was £62.00 advertised at focus do it all on this board. we are overdrawn by a couple of hundred which doesnt help everymonth. Host family money is one hundred a week and havent seen a benefit from this yet as it went on car knock .

we have no saving s which I would like as a buffer, any ideas advice on my ouutgoings many thanks

newlywed

You do need to try and budget for things like car tax, car repairs, presents, haircuts, clothes etc.

I find if you don't have a specific amount for these then you spend a bit here and a bit there and before you know it - you've spent way too much. Which is exactly what I used to do on the food shop too!!

As for making an effort with OH, can you put the kids to bed early or get the kids to go to a friend/baby sitter for the evening and have a candle lit supper one night with the TV off - which is my current plan

Or can you go somewhere you haven't been for ages - any place you enjoyed some time ago that isn't too expensive?