I WILL get there!!

kirtsypoos

Every time things seem to be going right, something goes wrong. OH had a phone call last night from his mum to let us know she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a mammogram which came back abnormal a few weeks ago but didn't want to worry anyone. She got the results on Wednesday afternoon (early hours of Thursday here)

OH has completely shut down - he won't talk, I was at a friends when he got the call, by the time I got home he was sitting in the dark and would barely speak.

I've asked if he wants to book a flight out there - he said he wants to be there but there's nothing he can do and we can't afford it. This is definitely one of those times where CC debt is a low priority and if he needs to go, we will make it happen.

I feel a bit numb, if he goes I would want to be there for him and for her, but we definitely can't afford 2 lots of unpaid time off and 2 flights to NZ. I'm not sure what I can do to help, apart from reassure him that I'm here. Gutted. Hoping they have caught it early but won't know much more until her mastectomy which is the first week of January.

crazy_cat_lady

Oh Kirsty, I'm so sorry to hear of this sad news. Lots of love to you and the family.
My dh's mam died of a brain tumour in 2010 - she was 9 weeks from diagnosis to death and it was such a tough time for the family, and she was only at the other end of the country - not the other side of the world. Practically speaking, it didn't make sense for all of us to drop everything and go down there - there was kids and work to consider and we didn't really know what was going to happen and when. I sent dh down there on his own once we knew she didn't have long left so that he could be with her - I stayed at work/with the kids, and we took a long weekend down there to say our goodbyes. He stayed and visited more than we did, but I think that's what he needed and I needed some semblance of normality for the kids.
It's different for everyone but I would send him if he wants to go and see her. The hardest part is the waiting around and not being able to do anything practically to make things all better. I will keep everything crossed that there is good news come January time for you all. xxx

kirtsypoos

Thanks CCL, she's a tough cookie and is so strong and upbeat, I think it's everyone else that is in bits and it really shouldn't be up to her to keep it together for everyone else so I've had a cry on a colleague and my mom this morning but I will be doing my best to keep it together in front of OH.

If he feels he needs to go, I will do whatever I can to make that happen. It's best for me to stay at home, finance wise and also I think trying to entertain houseguests is the last thing she needs once treatment starts. I just feel bad, OH is not good at dealing with things and I hate to think of him alone trying to put a brave face on.

We both feel a bit useless really, it's not like we could nip to the shops and get them groceries or even help with cooking or cleaning.

Thanks for your words of wisdom, as always xxx

abba1772

So sorry to hear this news........like you said credit card debt ain't a priority when it comes to family xx

Bobarella

I'm so sorry Kirsty.

Do you know what the mortality rate is with breast cancer? My FIL was diognosed with cancer of the blood early this year, and he is managing it with medicine and has to have dialysis too. But he isn't dying as such.
We were in limbo too at the point of diagnosis. My husband went down to give his mum support but also had full time work so when there is no set in stone expectations from the hospital it's hard to know how long you can take away from your daily life.
What a total heartache right before Christmas. And just as everything has been going so well for both of you. Huge hugs.

Cat how sad for you both as well.

Orange_Ena

So sorry to read this news, what a horrible time. Money and debt payments don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Time with the people you love is far more important.

A belated congrats on the new house too

All the very best wishes to you.

kirtsypoos

Thanks Abba, Bob and Ena

OH is dealing a bit better today. He threw himself into the house last night and put pics etc up so he kept busy.
Spoke to his brothers and sister - his sister seems to have more actual facts, they are anticipating that after the mastectomy they will do 6 weeks of radiotherapy but they think that should be enough. Time will tell but all seems positive.
OH hadn't wanted to ask his mum details in case he upset her, but that left him panicking because he didn't have the facts. Luckily his sister had no such qualms!

Sorry to hear about you FIL Bob, I think the C word causes panic initially, without any actual research into mortality rates etc. It's good to hear a 'positive' (if you can call it that) story.

Verbatim

Sorry to hear the news. I agree the debt is not important in the grand scheme of things and it won't matter if it takes a little more time to pay off. I hope it all goes well.

kirtsypoos

Merry Christmas everyone

Both OH and I have taken our eye off the budgeting ball over the last few days - I think we both had a bit of a 'life is too short' pang and we have spent a little more than planned.

Not going to beat myself up about it - I have still been PADing and we spent yesterday with OHs brother and sister in law which was lovely, if slightly expensive!

OH has really gone OTT for xmas and booked a trip to Bruges for my birthday weekend. It's been on my wish list for years so I'm thrilled

Hope everyone have had a lovely day

crazy_cat_lady

Merry Christmas to you Kirsty
:xmastree: