I WILL get there!!

kirtsypoos

Having decided that although my budgeting and debt reduction plans are going better than I ever could have predicted, I seem to have totally lost the plot in terms of the rest of my life!

I'm being a drama queen of course but I am not happy with a few things at the moment. The first being my weight. I have a similar relationship with food as I do with spending money, it's a comfort crutch for me. OH and I had a really bad patch at the start of the year and I overate to comfort myself. Unfortunately although the bad patch is way behind us, my eating habits are not. And I have no willpower! I can't get my head around how easy I've found the PADing and overpayments but I can't seem to eat healthily or even slightly sensibly.

I have decided that the only thing to do is take drastic action to shock myself out of it. Quite a few years ago I did the Cambridge Diet and lost over 4.5 stone, most of which (3 stone - I went a bit far with the rest, I didn't look like me anymore!) I kept off for 4 years - meeting OH and having lovely dates to calorific places (five guys, zizzis, bella italia etc when we were first dating) then comfort eating during my stomach problems and a few other issues means that I've crept up to the weight I was when I started the Cambridge for the first time. Disgusted with myself - for those who know the diet is not cheap! On the upside I became a consultant which meant I had access to the shakes for a lot less.
Anyway, after that rambling, I have 3 boxes left - I am planning to do 3 weeks of Cambridge as a kick start. I do cheat though - on weekends I eat proper food. Not to excess but I have proper meals. I'm hoping over the next 3 weeks I can lose 10lbs which should give the the kickstart I need....fingers crossed I can do it!

The other thing I haven't been happy with recently is smoking. I've been a smoker since I was 15 and I hate it - it's a horrible habit! I only smoke 2/3 cigarettes a day but it's something I've been unhappy with for a while. So on New Years Day I gave 2 full packs of cigarettes away and haven't had one since. Here's hoping that continues.

(Just to clarify, I haven't spent any money on cigarettes since I started my DF journey - friends have brought them back from holiday for me and as I smoke so little I ended up with some left over!)

So there are my plans written down, hopefully that will make me stick to them! I am really struggling at the moment as OH is eating a huge bowl of pasta and southern fried chicken about 10 cm from me....very supportive!

Bobarella

Good luck Kirsty. It sounds like you know what you want to achieve.

crazy_cat_lady

Best of luck with your plans Kirsty

Tinkerbelle2000

Good luck Kirsty. I'm not had a cigarette since June 2015 but I do have a vapour. I only spend about £10 a month now instead of nearly £50 a week. I don't know how I ever afforded it.

Tink xx

kirtsypoos

Thank you lovely people!

Well done Tink, I know it's hard but I agree with not knowing how I ever afforded it! I haven't bought cigarettes in almost a year but before that I smoked a lot more and I dread to think how much I spent...and how often I put those cigarettes on a credit card

I'm trying to go cold turkey, partly because I don't smoke loads anyway so I don't want to swap one habit for another, and partly because I did it once before and had no problem.

This might be a bit much for my DFD so apologies if I'm rambling, but last time I quit, I managed 9 months without touching a cigarette. I was so proud of myself.
Low and behold it didn't last - to cut a long story short the man who I call Dad, and who is my Dad in all ways that matter to me isn't biologically my father. My bio father didn't have any contact with me for 16 years, and prior to that only used me as a pawn to hurt my mom - applying for custody when he had no way of supporting me, calling social services regularly for no reason, insisting my mom drive me to him (a 4 hour round trip when she was heavily pregnant with my sister) or telling me it was her fault that he couldn't see me if she refused. My grandparents had a little shop and from 18 months old he would use me to steal cigarettes from them, force fed me baked beans until I choked when I was a few months old - basically a horrible man who didn't want to see me for the right reasons, just as payback to my mom for leaving him.

We had no contact between ages 3 and 19, at which point following some pretty severe bouts of depression during which my psychologist told me that the reason for all my mental issues was abandonment anxiety due to not seeing the sperm donor. My mom decided to try and help, so wrote to him and he then got in touch with me. That night I went to the local shop, bought a pack of 20 cigarettes and smoked all of them within 90 minutes...from complete quitting to chain smoking in one night!

So I know I can do it. I just need to find that willpower again. Fingers crossed!

lincs1205

Hi Kirstypoos, it sounds like you've been through a lot but equally you're determined enough to get yourself out of the hole you're in at the moment. Don't be to hard on yourself though its a rubbish time of year so everyone feels really low.

kirtsypoos

Thanks lincs. I actually feel quite positive at the moment. I know what I want to achieve and I know how to do it....it's the keeping on that track that I struggle with.

For the last few months I have made excuses like 'I've given up spending, I can't give up cigarettes and nice food as well'. In reality I need to stop using crutches for my moods and work out how to feel better in the long run.

If I have got the willpower to reduce my debt radically, surely I have the willpower to lose weight and stop smoking?! I really hope so!

kirtsypoos

Time for a new update, remind me how much willpower I've had over this!

August 2014 - £29400.23
July 2015 - £25131.49
October 2015 - £20253.14
December 2015 - £18600.00
January 2016 - £17830.00

Paid off £11570.23 total since August 2014!
£7301.49 of that has been since July 2015!

kirtsypoos

Given my contemplative mood I really need to set myself a goal to reach before my birthday.

My debt currently stands at £17830.00, and if I make the payments I have committed myself to snowball only, my debt should be at £16450.00 by my birthday....that being said I really want to beat my goals so I have a few things to put on eBay and will be making a concerted effort to send every spare penny to my MBNA card (I'm only 5 months away from the interest free period being over, and while I will not be able to pay it off, I would like as little left on there as possible)

My push myself goal for my birthday is to hit £16000.00, fingers crossed I can do it!

I have a few things which could get in the way. A very good friend of mine has told me my birthday present early, which I'm not sure I mentioned - she is taking me and another friend to Venice. Somewhere I've always wanted to go so I'm absolutely made up....however it means finding spending money from somewhere. It won't be an expensive trip as we are staying in an apartment so will be cooking rather than eating out so I will be budgeting very strictly.

We are also going to Edinburgh to visit OHs brother next month, train already sorted and paid for (£60 for both of us, return. Cheaper than we expected because we booked so early - I'm pretty pleased with that) but there will invariably be some spends involved for food etc. I have budgeted an amount so fingers crossed we stick to it.

Wish me luck with the new goal, I'll be doing my absolute best!

Tinkerbelle2000

Hope you're doing well Kirsty. You've done it once so you know it's possible and I'll be here cheerleading for you.

Tink xx