I WILL get there!!

kirtsypoos

We had a quick trip to our local cheap as chips cafe yesterday, a trip to B & Q to look at nursery wallpaper and then I had a mammoth bath, perfect day!

Got out the bath and OHs brother had text to see if we wanted to go and meet them in Birmingham for a drink as we hadn't seen them since May - I had a couple of non alcoholic cocktails which were lovely and then we were home by 10 which was good as I would probably have been asleep on the table otherwise!

I've finished updating all my spreadsheets this morning which makes me feel better

We are off to my parents later to see the haul they have been buying since we told them the gender and to have dinner - I'm loving not having to cook as much

abba1772

I think because you've went through a lot to get your little one it's understandable you're very very protective of your little boy so you do what your maternal instinct tells you to do xx

sashybo

Welcome back Kirsty & congrats on finding out the baby is a boy. :T My boy is a wee sweetheart & I'm sure yours will be too.

Sorry to hear about your in-law issues - my in-laws were/are the same. When DH told his mum we were having a baby she was actually horrified! :rotfl: She tried to say she was just shocked. :rotfl:

We told them very early on that they weren't coming up to stay with us when the baby was born as it would be too stressful. They live 300+ miles away so needed to know so they could organise somewhere to stay when they were visiting.

They then conveniently "forgot" this & tried to invite themselves to stay with us because they didn't want to pay for accommodation. :eek: I told DH to tell them no way because I knew they would stress me out & I didn't care what they thought to be honest. I know my MIL was raging & probably complaining about me but I knew I wouldn't be able to cope with them in my house trying to take over everything (including the newborn). I was right because it was a horrible visit for me as she pushed me out & made me feel unwanted in my own house & just kept taking the baby all the time. :eek: I was still very hormonal & she really upset me as she didn't consider my feelings at all.

I do think to an extent my DH says "she says no" to deflect the blame from him onto me when his parents get pushy about things that I'm not happy with.:cool:

I wouldn't be happy with them taking my baby a 4 hour trip either at that age. To be honest he's 5 months now & I still wouldn't be happy. :eek: When they come to visit for a long weekend he is essentially baby-napped by my in-laws & I mostly let them get on with it:eek: I do feel like they are totally insensitive to my feelings though & just do what they want because he's "THEIR" grandson.

Yes it's important for your in-laws to spend time with the baby as they live so far away but it's also important that they acknowledge your feelings. You're his mum & you need to be comfortable with things.

Personally I think you're right to talk about these things now as that way they can't just assume everything will be done the way they want & they can't turn round and say you didn't tell them. Of course, you might feel differently at the time but it's no bad thing to prepare them for the possibility that not everything will be the way they want/plan it.

enthusiasticsaver

Glad you had a nice holiday KP and that you are over the awful sickness and expecting a boy. Sorry you had in law problems but I guess everyone is excited for you. You must do what is right for you and your baby but you sound like you can stand up for yourself. Hormones will be playing a big part in how you are feeling now so people need to make allowances for that. Taking a small baby hours away from his parents doesnt sound right to me though. Why cant the family members come down to your town from Newcastle?

One thing I would say is don't under estimate how much you may need help after baby arrives as my daughter and son in law found it all very hard in the early days after birth to cope with a baby who did not easily take to feeding, never slept unless held and my daughter was recovering from a labour which took 3 days with no sleep and a c section. Before the birth they said they wanted time to bond as a family which we respected but once home they were shattered and we all rallied round to help (on their request) with holding baby so they could sleep, providing meals, shopping etc etc. Could not have put them off too much though as they are now expecting baby number 2 next year so I am soon to have a second grandchild . I adore my granddaughter and will love our second just as much and we are lucky to be able to spend so much time with them as they are local and I childmind our DGD one day a week. It would be nice for your little boy to be able to have a good relationship with his grandparents and that involves giving them all the opportunity to spend time together.

I am sure you will do what is right for all of you.

monz

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a boy!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D congrats congrats congrats!!!!!

Boys are so much better and easier... when I compare my son to my nieces ooft love my nieces obv but still ahhhhhh xxxx

abba1772

monz wrote: »

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a boy!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D congrats congrats congrats!!!!!

Boys are so much better and easier... when I compare my son to my nieces ooft love my nieces obv but still ahhhhhh xxxx

I completely agree with you there monz xx

kirtsypoos

Sashy I remember reading about your nightmare MIL and the baby hogging she was doing whilst visiting, and I remember you saying you'd already told them they couldn't stay - that's kind of why I thought getting in there early would help with everyone being on the same page because I had lovely in laws....and they are about everything except baby :cool:
I'm going to continue to let OH know how I feel about them visiting/staying and if they try to take over in any way I shall be moving to my mom and dads for the duration of their visit.... he has been told this but I think he thinks I am exaggerating :cool:

Thanks ES, I want them to have a lovely relationship with donut but given how far away they live I can't see it being particularly close - they aren't close to any of their children or their existing grandson so I don't know how different things will be but I get the feeling they were a nightmare when grandson 1 was born and barely gave him back to his mother while they were staying...wish me luck :rotfl:

I think there is an element of the girls want their mothers thing too. I'm much more comfortable with the idea of my mom being with him whilst I'm at work than my in laws. I know that's ridiculous but they have very different ideas to me and I know my mom will respect my wishes when it comes to little one but they are likely to do their own thing, if that makes sense?
When I'm upset or worried I want my mom, or OH and that's it so I need to try and tell myself to trust them too...

My mom will be doing one day a week childcare for us too and she does the same for my niece and they have the most brilliant relationship so I can't wait to see that with our little one too

abba and monz, everyone keeps telling me boys are easier so that's a relief :rotfl:

sashybo

Kirsty, I think you're right to try & make sure everyone knows where they stand - whether they take any notice or not is another thing...:eek:

Your OH just needs to back you up as you & baby have to be his priority, especially in the early days when everything is new, you're hormonal & still trying to adjust.

My in-laws have never liked me & anything their son does that they don't like is automatically my fault. :rotfl: They actually kind of make me feel like I'm just the vessel that delivered their wonderful grandson & I should just let them do what they want with him.:eek:

At least you have had a positive relationship with them until now, so hopefully they'll be more respectful & thoughtful of your feelings than my in-laws.

I totally get what you mean about being more comfortable with the thought of leaving the baby with your own mum, I feel like that too. I think it's so difficult because my in-laws adore the baby but are at best ambivalent towards me & it makes me feel really awkward with them. I want my DS to have a good relationship with them but it's hard for me when my MIL seems to want to push me out all the time.

I kind of see it from the other side as well because I can see how difficult my own mum finds it dealing with my brother's OH & their baby as she doesn't want to be too pushy but still wants to be involved and feels like she doesn't know her well enough to tell if she's offended or annoyed her. :cool: At least she thinks about these things though, I get the impression that my MIL just thinks I'm stroppy when I get upset due to her pushing me out so she can be with "her boys" (my DH & DS), it's like she wants to replace me. :rotfl: :eek:

reality_check

Aww amazing news about having a boy!! Glad you are feeling a bit better and (mostly) enjoyed your trip away. I feel like a new woman this morning, my little girl stayed with OH's parents last night and I can't tell you how great a full night of interupted sleep felt like!! She was 13 weeks on Tuesday and first night away, but both them and my own parents have had her for a few afternoons alone. Only you will know what is best at the time, it is your first baby and with all you've been through it is only natural you will feel a bit anxious, but you may feel different at the time, just wait and see but don't feel pressured into anything you're not comfortable with...I'm sure you wouldn't anyway xx

kirtsypoos

I'm going to sound like a broken record with the times I'm going to make sure everyone knows what I do and don't want :rotfl: I'm not very good at being assertive outside of work normally but I've been dreaming of this for years and I want to enjoy as much as I can so I'm finding it quite easy to be vocal about it....much to the disapproval of my nan who thinks I should just let everyone think what they like and then fight my battles when he's here. I'm sure I will be massively emotional and hormonal and not up to arguments so I'd rather do it this way....here's hoping it works!!

I've been feeling really down this week - OH tried to buy a brand new samsung S8 on interest free credit and sulked when I told him he couldn't have it as the money isn't there to pay it back with donut on the way :mad:

I'm also feeling really conscious that I don't feel how I think I should about the pregnancy - I just don't feel connected or bonded yet and I talked to my sister in the hope she would say she felt the same but she was shocked and a bit judgemental .
I went and caught up with a friend who has a 6 week old last night and had lots of cuddles and she said she felt exactly the same as me but the minute he was born she had an instant rush of love. I felt better after that but then when I got home I felt him move for the first time and it's not at all what I expected and I cried because I felt a bit repulsed by the feeling. Everyone told me it was like bubbles or flutters but it feels like a little fish flopping around in there and it made me cringe! I hope I'm not the only person ever to feel like this because I'm really worried that I won't be the mom I hoped to be if I don't even like feeling him move

Sorry for the miserable post