Why do people think less of a couple who aren't married?

BarryBlue

lulu_92 wrote: »

If my sister wants a sweet cart, that's all that matters. What does it matter if anyone else thinks it is tacky?

It is THEIR wedding and they can do whatever they want. Why some people think that because they wouldn't do something it means that it is totally wrong for others to do so is beyond me. There's difference in opinion but why can't people agree to disagree?

For the record I would never have a sweet cart, chair covers or wishing wells, but if someone else wants them what right do I have to say anything?

I sincerely hope you haven't been losing too much sleep worrying about everyone else's weddings! :rotfl:

Absolutely. It doesn't matter one jot. However, if people decide on such pointless nonsense they are fair game for people's laughter and mickey-taking, especially from their invited guests. In my limited experience of bridezilla weddings, that certainly happens.

We find 'big' weddings turn into a tedious and dreary day. Being dumped on a table with strangers to eat mediocre food and budget wine, followed by the usual speeches and an awful playlist of music is something we are now determined to avoid. Give us a small, personal one every time.

As for losing sleep over it, you really don't know me! Nothing to stop anyone having a laugh at some of the hissy fits and crazy obsessions though.:wave:

duchy

To be fair any bride and groom who are unfortunate enough to have friends or family as guests who'd laugh at or take the mickey out of their special day are to be pitied .

I've been to weddings I thought were OTT but I wouldn't have been crass enough to laugh at them or taken the mickey. As their guest it would be the height of rudeness.

lulu_92

I'm so glad that none of that would happen at my wedding. There will be enough people that know each other (we met at work so 95% of our friends are mutual and the other 5% consists of enough people that they wouldn't be sat with strangers. I'm quite conscious of that anyway as I don't like being sat near people I don't know (call it an anxiety I have).

I've been to my share of long and boring weddings, but the cost didn't enter into it. My mum's wedding was the best I ever went to. Everything was beautiful. Nothing tacky or unnecessary, only two speeches at the wedding breakfast (which was afternoon tea, I'd totally recommend that as an alternative to a massive meal - worked out a lot cheaper, too!). In the evening they had a BBQ and it was like a massive party.

I agree with duchy. You have no right to laugh, take the mickey, or judge anyone, especially at their wedding. Say whatever you like behind closed doors but remember if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all.

Gloomendoom

lulu_92 wrote: »

I've been to my share of long and boring weddings, but the cost didn't enter into it. My mum's wedding was the best I ever went to. Everything was beautiful. Nothing tacky or unnecessary, only two speeches at the wedding breakfast (which was afternoon tea, I'd totally recommend that as an alternative to a massive meal - worked out a lot cheaper, too!). In the evening they had a BBQ and it was like a massive party.

That's what we did... and it was quite cost effective as a good proportion of the food was provided by the guests themselves. As you say, it was just a big, relaxed party for family and friends.

I agree with duchy. You have no right to laugh, take the mickey, or judge anyone, especially at their wedding. Say whatever you like behind closed doors but remember if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all.

Yup. Some people do seem to delight in being miserable (although probably not just at weddings.) If you get stuck at a table with strangers, talk to them, and they won't be strangers any more.

BarryBlue

lulu_92 wrote: »

I'm so glad that none of that would happen at my wedding. There will be enough people that know each other (we met at work so 95% of our friends are mutual and the other 5% consists of enough people that they wouldn't be sat with strangers. I'm quite conscious of that anyway as I don't like being sat near people I don't know (call it an anxiety I have).

I've been to my share of long and boring weddings, but the cost didn't enter into it. My mum's wedding was the best I ever went to. Everything was beautiful. Nothing tacky or unnecessary, only two speeches at the wedding breakfast (which was afternoon tea, I'd totally recommend that as an alternative to a massive meal - worked out a lot cheaper, too!). In the evening they had a BBQ and it was like a massive party.

I agree with duchy. You have no right to laugh, take the mickey, or judge anyone, especially at their wedding. Say whatever you like behind closed doors but remember if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all.

My wife and I met through work many years ago. However, we didn't invite anyone from among colleagues, past or present. I'm retired but she didn't even tell anyone about the wedding until afterwards.

I agree that afternoon tea is an excellent option. That's what we did. It was at a nice hotel within walking distance of the register office, there were 10 of us. Our ceremony was at 2.20pm and tea at 3.00pm. No speeches whatsoever. No evening do either, just a curry at home for six of us.

As for the mickey-taking, I'm not suggesting that people are critical to the bride and groom directly. I have seen plenty of criticism at weddings between the guests though. One very expensive wedding was a shambles. The couple were an hour late at the reception because of stopping for impromptu photos on the way and left 80 people standing in a lobby. The wine was also in the lobby and most of it had gone by the time they arrived as everyone thought it was 'drinks on arrival. Then the food was utterly dire so lots of people were making comments among themselves. It was late 90s and that day still crops up in onversation among those who had the misfortune to be there.

Our default now is to feign another engagement when we get invited to weddings. They are always a disappointment.

74jax

BarryBlue wrote: »

Absolutely. It doesn't matter one jot. However, if people decide on such pointless nonsense they are fair game for people's laughter and mickey-taking, especially from their invited guests.
But these invited guest are actually friends? I can't imagine that happening surely?

We find 'big' weddings turn into a tedious and dreary day. Being dumped on a table with strangers to eat mediocre food and budget wine, followed by the usual speeches and an awful playlist of music is something we are now determined to avoid. Give us a small, personal one every time.
So why go? It's an invitation, not an order? Just stay at home and save yourself the displeasure of your friends' big day, though are you really a friend??


As for losing sleep over it, you really don't know me! Nothing to stop anyone having a laugh at some of the hissy fits and crazy obsessions though.:wave:

I find it crazy that you would treat a friend this way.

duchy

I went to a wedding recently which had seat covers, a sweet buffet , a photo booth and was held in a banqueting suite at a premier football ground (all of which I'm sure would horrify some of the wedding snob posters)yet despite that was one of the nicest weddings I've ever attended. Everyone was family or important to the bride and groom and the whole day had a wonderful warmth about it. Everyone had a terrific time.

People make a wedding not cheque books !!

BarryBlue

74jax wrote: »

I find it crazy that you would treat a friend this way.

All I can say is that you weren't there! We didn't know that couple very well, the groom had been a sports team mate at one time but when he took up with his future wife, she put a stop to most of his leisure activities. She was an unbelievable snob and many people there knew it. He was allowed a few old mates at the wedding. Few of his old buddies ever see him now, his wife has reprogrammed him and he became involved with her church, even though he was always an atheist.

Since the wedding reception turned into a shambles and the food was virtually inedible, it was natural that things would be said among guests. Have you seriously never been to a wedding where people have looked at sweet carts, or whatever nonsense they have been sold, and thought "good grief"?

As for "Why do we go?" - as I said our default is now to refuse all weddings unless there is a very good reason for going. By that I mean an informal register office do with a meal in a restaurant afterwards. No bridezillas, no church ceremonies, no country retreats with dodgy dinners. Oh, and definitely no sweet carts!:rotfl:

Lily-Rose_3

I have been to a few weddings like what you describe Barry ^^^

And we also tend to politely decline now unless it's a very close friend or family member.

duchy

Which is why more intimate weddings are usually far nicer as you aren't inviting aquaintances who are only interested in a free meal but just those who genuinely care for you and wish you well in your life together and are there to celebrate your marriage not nitpick or take the micky out of you.