Why do people think less of a couple who aren't married?

Lily-Rose_3

geerex wrote: »

There's a fine line though.
I'm not a fan of huge lavish ceremonies. I'm either but on the flip side you've got some miserable sods who invite no-one, have it in some godawful concrete council building then go straight back home afterwards and "celebrate" with some tesco value lemonade.
Some people only find joy in saving money, that's utterly tragic.

So what if they want to save money?! I don't understand why you are so bothered by it. Are you miffed that you are not getting a free party and free booze funded by someone else?! I agree with Barry Blue and Duchy and Georgie and several others, who say anyone can afford to get married and it doesn't have to cost a lot.

It costs hardly anything, but many people are so desperate to impress people that they just HAVE to have a massive party and an extortionately priced honeymoon, and a ridiculously priced wedding dress and OTT venue. If you love someone, and you want to get married, you will marry them; saying you can't afford it is an excuse.

I also agree with MissBiggles that your reaction to the post by was ridiculously OTT. (post 243 and 244.)

duchy wrote: »

If you can't afford a marriage ceremony (around £300 at most) then you probably can't afford a child either. You are mixing up marriage and having a wedding (something that keeps coming up on this thread)

Marriage a legal contract of commitment between two people -requiring the participation of five people :the couple, the person marrying them and two witnesses.

Wedding a social celebration of a marriage -an optional party following a marriage ceremony.

Plenty of people can't afford a wedding - very few can't afford to get married.

If you really want to marry someone then you don't care if you don't have the party bits and pieces or not -if on the other hand you insist on ten bridesmaids, a three grand dress and a ballroom with full sitdown meal for two hundred and a day of conspicuous consumption then it's a different matter !!

I think marriage matters but I don't enjoy show off weddings - I wouldn't go into debt to get married and the weddings I've attended that I've enjoyed the most were the simpler ones rather than the big affairs with people pretending to be something they are not.

I do think some people genuinely don't wish to marry- however I also believe there are a lot of people who would like to be but their partner doesn't -and the expense of a wedding is used as an excuse . How shallow does "I want to make a public and legal commitment to you but I won't until we can afford a big party too" sound when that same legal commitment can be made for a couple of hundred and the party can come later when finances are better (with a renewal of vows if wanted)

:T:T:T

Very good post Duchy, and yes, if you can't afford £300 for a wedding then you shouldn't be having children. And I also agree with the bolded statement.

I also agree with Barry Blue that if you want to have a quiet small wedding and invite hardly anyone, then that is entirely up to you (and your partner.) I do get sick of people's attitudes like this to be honest. Calling people tight for having a tiny wedding, or maybe inviting only several people.

I had a small wedding with my husband because we had to pay for it ourselves and we couldn't afford much really, and frankly didn't want to spend much. We had only about 23 there (including us.). I have a large extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins,) and if I had invited them all (and their partners and children and children's children,) etc it would have run into 60+ people. As it was we just invited very close family (parents, grandparents, siblings, and siblings partners, and some very close friends.)

A couple of my aunts and uncles and 3 of my cousins, stopped speaking to me for not inviting them. Even my mother went on about it a few days after, saying it saying 'it's a bit sad that so and so and auntie wotsername was not invited.' As I said to her though:- we don't have the luxury of having the wedding paid for like five of my cousins had in the 3-7 years before me.

One cousin had a wedding that cost £15K - in 1986! Her father is wealthy, my parents were not, and neither were my husband's parents! It was several years before those family members started trying to speak again, but by then I didn't give a flip about them anyway, so when we moved out of the area, I just stayed in touch with the less petty family members. The less petty family members of mine have nothing to do with the petty ones anymore anyway, as they eventually got sick of them and their childish 'entitled to' attitude.

It's got nothing to do with anyone if someone wants to invite only 5 people, and then goes and celebrates with smart price lemonade.

onlyroz

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

But if that's what someone wants, if that's what makes them happy, then good on them for doing it their way. I don't think it's neccesarily about saving money, some people just want a simple day.

Having said that, our local registry office is particularly depressing, and I know there are many other choices nearby for the same cost, so it does make you wonder why they choose that place? Then again, I guess they must have their reasons.

It normally costs more to have a civil wedding at a venue that isn't the registry office. Here are the current fees for Surrey County Council:

http://new.surreycc.gov.uk/people-and-community/birth-death-marriage-and-civil-partnerships/marriage/marriage-and-civil-partnership-fees/marriage-and-civil-partnership-ceremonies-between-1-april-2015-and-31-march-2016

The charges above range from £88 for a small registry office ceremony, up to £478 for paying the registrar to attend an alternate licensed venue on a Saturday.

If you're willing to get married in Weybridge on a Tuesday you can do it for as little as £46.

Lily-Rose_3

geerex wrote: »

Yes, and after spending a lifetime with your loved one, I'm sure you'll have happy memories sitting reminiscing about your "big day" when you confirmed your love for each other in the cheapest most cost effective way possible, counting every penny and making it all about the cash savings.
Nothing says "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" quite like a tesco value wedding. :rotfl:

What a genuinely horrible attitude you have! And what a very nasty and unkind post!

We didn't spend a lot on our wedding, but I still had a beautiful dress, lots of flowers, a lovely meal after in a nice restaurant for everyone, beautiful photos in a wedding album (done by a professional photographer,) and a lovely honeymoon.

You can spend very little without having a 'Tesco value wedding.' What an utterly ridiculous thing to say. We kept the numbers down by only inviting about 20 people. We kept people with the attitudes like YOU away, and made sure they were not invited! If they had been invited, they would have sat there complaining and criticizing anyway.

What's more...

It's got nothing to do with anyone if someone wants to invite only 5 people, and then goes and celebrates with smart price lemonade.

lulu_92

It's a good thing none of us are marrying each other (Tigsteroonie and Marleyboy excluded!)

BarryBlue

Lily-Rose wrote: »

What a genuinely horrible attitude you have! And what a very nasty and unkind post!

We didn't spend a lot on our wedding, but I still had a beautiful dress, lots of flowers, a lovely meal after in a nice restaurant for everyone, beautiful photos in a wedding album (done by a professional photographer,) and a lovely honeymoon.

You can spend very little without having a 'Tesco value wedding.' What an utterly ridiculous thing to say. We kept the numbers down by only inviting about 20 people. We kept people with the attitudes like YOU away, and made sure they were not invited! If they had been invited, they would have sat there complaining and criticizing anyway.

What's more...

It's got nothing to do with anyone if someone wants to invite only 5 people, and then goes and celebrates with smart price lemonade.

I do agree. Each to their own, though. The thought of attending another bad-taste-fest would fill me with horror. So if I get an invite to Geerex's wedding in the post, I'm sure it will be on a day we have made arrangements to spend the day watching television.;)

Mojisola

It's not pathetic if all a couple are doing is signing the paperwork to benefit from the legal aspects of marriage.

It's similar to signing wills and we just did those in a very soulless office - and we didn't have a party afterwards, either.

lulu_92

I don't think taste necessarily goes down the drain as costs rise.

Our costs will be on guests, the venue(s) and transport (we want to make sure our guests dont have to spend an arm and a leg to attend) Everything else I will bargain hunt and DIY. My mum did her own flowers, cake, favours and invitations and saved a fortune so I always said I would do the same. Good job I have a few years to relax and not think about it (whilst saving at the same time)

My sister is getting married next year and has just picked up her wedding dress. It is a £2,500 designer dress she got for £450 from a wedding dress charity shop and it is the most beautiful dress I've ever seen.

I don't think people should get into any form of debt for a wedding. If you want a low key wedding that isn't costly, have it! If you want a big wedding that isn't going to come cheap that is also fine if you can afford it. It is nobody's business how much you spend on your wedding and how you choose to spend it. If people are so against it they can always decline the invitation.

Kynthia

LilElvis wrote: »

You can't assume that you would be able to claim against any occupational pension held by your partner as many schemes limit spouses pensions to those who are either married or have entered into civil partnerships.

My husband has a civil service pension that is very common as it was the main one for all civil service and public service employees to join up until 12 years ago. It only pays out to a spouse/civil partner and not an unmarried partner. So I imagine there's an awful large number of couples affected by this.

74jax

geerex wrote: »

There's a fine line though.
I'm not a fan of huge lavish ceremonies either but on the flip side you've got some miserable sods who invite no-one, have it in some godawful concrete council building then go straight back home afterwards and "celebrate" with some tesco value lemonade.
Some people only find joy in saving money, thats utterly tragic.

I haven't posted, but Breen reading through until I reached this post.

Our wedding is well documented on the weddingg board, under 'my 3k wedding'. Which is classed as 'cheap'.

I loved our wedding and how personal it was, it was no 'Tesco value wedding' but if I could get cheap foam roses for a tenner for two bouquets rather than a hundred quid I did.

How did we come up with 3k? My OH and I couldn't come up with a budget, so he said something like 'bet we can't do it for 3grand'.

We had 100 people there, no family we never saw, no one we didn't want and no one from work we didn't get on with. Our wedding our way. It was unconventional, on a beach, no best man, no first dance, no planned speeches, but the marriage was the most important part to us, not how much, or little we paid and what or friends thought of our 'value' day.

Tigsteroonie

onlyroz wrote: »

If you're willing to get married in Weybridge on a Tuesday you can do it for as little as £46.

Plus 2 x £35 for the Notice of Intention to Marry, so £116 total.

Manchester's bargain price is £50 for the ceremony with 2 witnesses only. Wonder if they'd bend the rule to let us take littl'un ...