Why do people think less of a couple who aren't married?

Piggywiggy

Have to admit we wouldn't have to pay for transport or a reception venue though which obviously makes a big discount.

PlymouthMaid

Marriage isn't for me and I can't see me changing my mind. I have never felt that people considered my relationship less committed than a married one and, to be honest, wouldn't give a stuff if they did.

The nicest weddings I have been too have both been on the 'value side' - one with a second hand dress and a friend driving the couple to the register office and then a nice but non ostentatious reception in a local hotel; the second was my own daughter's with lovely hand made decorations and friends doing photography and hair etc.

Almost all of the flashier weddings I have been to or heard of have ended in pretty quick divorce.

lulu_92

BarryBlue wrote: »

I'm equally sure that they do. After a certain point, everything is just frilly nonsense and invariably in bad taste. Favours, chair covers, wishing wells, save the day invites, and a dozen other silly ideas - all just nonsense!

But these things can be done in a non-tacky way, although levels of tackiness are different for everyone. Just because you see it as nonsense doesn't make it so. That's why you chose not to have them at your wedding. My sister is having a sweet cart instead of wedding favours and it's costing her next to nothing. You will probably think it is tacky but it's something they want at their wedding, which is all that matters in the end.

I don't see what you have listed as tacky, I would call chair covers, wishing wells, and stuff like that as unnecessary frivolities.

If you're planning a wedding quite far in advance save the date cards might be useful, and can be done cheaply. My mum made all of her save the date and invites for approx £10 using those Pick and Mix paper boxes you can buy in The Works. They were simple yet elegant. I definitely don't think they were done in bad taste.

When I say I'll be spending a fair bit of money I don't mean tens of thousands of pounds as I could never justify spending that much!

BarryBlue

lulu_92 wrote: »

But these things can be done in a non-tacky way, although levels of tackiness are different for everyone. Just because you see it as nonsense doesn't make it so. That's why you chose not to have them at your wedding. My sister is having a sweet cart instead of wedding favours and it's costing her next to nothing. You will probably think it is tacky but it's something they want at their wedding, which is all that matters in the end.

I don't see what you have listed as tacky, I would call chair covers, wishing wells, and stuff like that as unnecessary frivolities.

If you're planning a wedding quite far in advance save the date cards might be useful, and can be done cheaply. My mum made all of her save the date and invites for approx £10 using those Pick and Mix paper boxes you can buy in The Works. They were simple yet elegant. I definitely don't think they were done in bad taste.

When I say I'll be spending a fair bit of money I don't mean tens of thousands of pounds as I could never justify spending that much!

You don't see wishing wells and chair covers as unnecessary frivolities? And a sweet cart? :huh: :rotfl:


I rest my case.....:doh:

lulu_92

BarryBlue wrote: »

You don't see wishing wells and chair covers as unnecessary frivolities? And a sweet cart? :huh: :rotfl:


I rest my case.....:doh:

Don't I?

lulu_92 wrote: »

I don't see what you have listed as tacky, I would call chair covers, wishing wells, and stuff like that as unnecessary frivolities.

If my sister wants a sweet cart, that's all that matters. What does it matter if anyone else thinks it is tacky?

It is THEIR wedding and they can do whatever they want. Why some people think that because they wouldn't do something it means that it is totally wrong for others to do so is beyond me. There's difference in opinion but why can't people agree to disagree?

For the record I would never have a sweet cart, chair covers or wishing wells, but if someone else wants them what right do I have to say anything?

I sincerely hope you haven't been losing too much sleep worrying about everyone else's weddings! :rotfl:

Peter333

geerex wrote: »

There's a fine line though.
I'm not a fan of huge lavish ceremonies either but on the flip side you've got some miserable sods who invite no-one, have it in some godawful concrete council building then go straight back home afterwards and "celebrate" with some tesco value lemonade.
Some people only find joy in saving money, thats utterly tragic.

Why are you so incredibly rude?

Are you bitter about something?

Like some people here have outlined, I have been to about 8 weddings in the last 10 years - some with a budget of less than 2 grand and some with a budget of well over £35K, and by a country MILE, the cheaper weddings have been much nicer.

All but one of the 5 less expensive weddings had less than 30 people, and they were lovely, intimate, friendly events with a great meal and a lovely party after. One wedding (my neighbour's) had only 18 people: the couple, the man's parents, (the woman's had passed on,) the woman's sister and her sister's daughter, me and my wife, the man's grandmother, the woman's brother and his wife and about half a dozen close friends and a couple of other neighbours. One other wedding was in France as the groom was French, and there was approx 25 people there.

I have been to about 5 massive OTT weddings this past 10 years too, and except for one, (which was OK, but a bit cheesy/pink themed and the couple split a year later!) they have been dreadful. All had 125+ guests, most people didn't know one another, nobody spoke to us, we were put on a table with between 6 to 10 people who we didn't know, (and who mostly didn't appear to know each other,) and with the one wedding (that had 250 guests,) the bride fully admitted later on when we met her, that she didn't know over 2 thirds of the people there. Her parents had completely taken over the wedding arrangements and sent out the invitations.

If people want to spend ludicrous amounts and have a big massive fancy wedding, then do so, but don't denigrate people who choose to keep it small, and choose to only invite a couple of dozen guests by making spiteful remarks like 'shame you couldn't find more than 20 people who like you!' It's blatantly obvious that the poster in question chose to invite just 20/21, out of a potential 60 who appeared to be expecting to be invited... It wasn't a case of people not liking her. What an unnecessarily mean and spiteful put-down.

missbiggles1 wrote: »

If, after a lifetime of marriage, the best thing you can look back on is your extravagant wedding day then all I can say is that you must both have had very empty, arid lives together.

Agree with this :T

dirty_magic

BarryBlue wrote: »

I couldn't agree more and the idea that some tacky and tasteless day spent at a country retreat or whatever is "doing it properly" is quite honestly laughable. There is a forum on MSE where the bridezillas are constantly having breakdowns because they can't find a nail varnish to match their chair covers or the bridesmaids don't like their shoes and so on. Comedy gold, but you have to wonder what makes such people tick!


Some people are just not that shallow. The worst weddings I can remember are also probably the most expensive. The wedding industry cynically exploits people who think that they have to have their "perfect day" and spend fortunes on utter nonsense that guests either don't notice or just think are utterly awful. I'm referring to the idea of wishing wells, string quartets, owls, and lots of other things that suck away money for nothing.

I'm sure many people will remember the best weddings they have attended as the ones where there is a quick and simple ceremony then a group of people enjoying themselves over an informal meal and a few drinks. It is not about saving money, it's about not wasting money on rubbish that is of no interest to most people.

In my experience some of the most ostentatious bad-taste spendfest weddings precede the shortest marriages and the worst debts.

I'm not sure, I've been to both expensive and cheaper weddings and if I'm honest the expensive ones stand out more. Don't know if it's really for the right reasons though. The most extravagant wedding I've been to was a brilliant day and we loved it, but the bride was so uptight about it all and they left at 9pm. I'm not sure how much she enjoyed it herself after all the planning.

I haven't posted, but Breen reading through until I reached this post.

Our wedding is well documented on the weddingg board, under 'my 3k wedding'. Which is classed as 'cheap'.

I loved our wedding and how personal it was, it was no 'Tesco value wedding' but if I could get cheap foam roses for a tenner for two bouquets rather than a hundred quid I did.

How did we come up with 3k? My OH and I couldn't come up with a budget, so he said something like 'bet we can't do it for 3grand'.

We had 100 people there, no family we never saw, no one we didn't want and no one from work we didn't get on with. Our wedding our way. It was unconventional, on a beach, no best man, no first dance, no planned speeches, but the marriage was the most important part to us, not how much, or little we paid and what or friends thought of our 'value' day.

This is the kind of thing I'd do. The thought of spending 15k on one day horrifies me, but at the same time it's nice to have a bit of a do! I can see the point geerex is making. I can still think of better things to spend the money on at the moment though even if we were engaged.

I can see some of the benefits now legality wise but I still wouldn't do it just for that. I still can't put into words why I would get married; I think I just like the idea of being official for some reason even though everyone says it doesn't feel any different.

duchy

ok I'll bite

I'm not childless I was married before as was my partner.
I have an adult son and my OH has two adult children and grandchildren so definitely no kids will arrive to bless our union !! .

We are engaged and we will get married in the next year.
We aren't getting married to have a party -we're getting married because we want a party. Our wedding will be very small and very personal -Any of our friends and family who choose to fly out for the wedding will be welcomed and we will make sure they are fed and watered after the ceremony but there's no reception as such.

Marriage is something we both want - as legally it secures our futures as we are buying a home together (we currently both own a house each) and it makes life insurances, pensions etc much simpler but on a far more basic level it's a public declaration we will be spending the rest of our lives together and rather than spend the money making some lawyer rich by tying it all up with legal papers we are choosing to do it with a wedding ceremony during which we state our intentions. The ceremony and day itself will probably cost less than solicitors fees would have -and we get to have a special day to remember rather than make some fat cat lawyer richer.
We both believe that marriage is special and having been married before (unlike many of the posters who don't want marriage) understand that marriage does make a difference in a relationship. It's hard to explain as on the surface everything is the same but at an emotional level it *is* different to make that commitment -possibly because it's a choice and we could just live together without it but have chosen to legitimatize our relationship when we don't *have* to.

I don't agree it doesn't feel different - for me it *does* feel different- not in a theoretical way but because I've experienced living with a man and then marrying him and it did definitely make a difference to us both.

dirty_magic wrote: »

Out of 13 pages I still haven't seen any benefits of getting married for a childless couple.

For couples with children, I can see why a woman would want to get married, because it's usually the woman that looks after the children. If it were to end in divorce the woman is more taken care of in a divorce settlement than if an unmarried couple split up.

You do hear some real horror stories about divorce though with men losing everything and struggling to rent a flat while the wife keeps the house, so I can see why some men don't want to get married tbh.

This thread is making me wonder why I would like to get married, because I don't really know why I would in terms of the benefits it would give.

onlyroz

Well I got married here:



And had my wedding reception on this:



My wedding dress looked like this:



We also hired these guys:



And we spent around £3k total.

duchy

I love the dress