Why do people think less of a couple who aren't married?

duchy

Can't quote atm but

Since the wedding reception turned into a shambles and the food was virtually inedible, it was natural that things would be said among guests. Have you seriously never been to a wedding where people have looked at sweet carts, or whatever nonsense they have been sold, and thought "good grief"?

Of course- but most people aren't so ill-mannered as to say it out loud or discuss it or moan about it with fellow guests.

Lily-Rose_3

What's goin on Duchy? I quoted you and the screen was 3 feet wide?!!! :eek:

WEIRD!!!

As for THIS post ...

duchy wrote: »

Which is why more intimate weddings are usually far nicer as you aren't inviting acquaintances who are only interested in a free meal but just those who genuinely care for you and wish you well in your life together and are there to celebrate your marriage not nitpick or take the micky out of you.

Anyhoo, just wanted to say that is one of the bests posts on here. :T

lulu_92

I agree, duchy, which is why I probably wouldn't invite many people from university or school as although I speak to some on Facebook it is usually the odd comment or like, definitely not enough to warrant inviting them to my wedding!

I think if you invite someone to a wedding usually it is because they're important enough to you that you want them to be there on such a special day (or you need witnesses, or have been forced to invite them - let's cover all bases ). For us we will invite the people we want to share our day with but as we both have large families, a large mutual friendship group ,and a fair few friends outside of that group we're looking at a lot of guests but they all mean a lot to both of us - no acquaintances will be found at our eventual wedding

EDIT - Lily-Rose the same thing happened to me! What is going wrong with the site!

74jax

Lily-Rose wrote: »

What's goin on Duchy? I quoted you and the screen was 3 feet wide?!!! :eek:

WEIRD!!!

As for THIS post ...




Anyhoo, just wanted to say that is one of the bests posts on here. :T

I thought it was a fault on my computer! I couldn't find where to type....

BarryBlue

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I have been to a few weddings like what you describe Barry ^^^
And we also tend to politely decline now unless it's a very close friend or family member.

This is what I'm getting at. Weddings have got out of hand. Too many people, too many gimmicks, too much self-indulgence, and certainly too much money wasted. The ones we have been to have been impersonal affairs and we have been glad to get away.

As I said before, we just think of an excuse not to go and send the happy couple a card on the day.

duchy wrote: »

Of course- but most people aren't so ill-mannered as to say it out loud or discuss it or moan about it with fellow guests.

The problem was that virtually everyone was finding the meal inedible, so once the chat gets going, coupled with a few sherberts, it doesn't take long for everybody at the table joining in. There was decorum as far as the couple were concerned, although he did say afterwards that he had been embarrassed by the food and the fact that most of it went into the bins.

duchy

Yes he was embarassed because he knew he'd spent a lot of money and people he was offering hospitality to were drunkenly moaning and groaning about it . I'd be embarassed by my friends if they did that too.
I don't know why you keep trying to justify it Barry- complaining to all and sundry about it was rude and if you were a genuine friend you wouldn't have done it. It was unfortunate the meal was poor - but what was to be gained by spending the rest of the evening going on about it ?

As for the quote thing - I've had to reload before quoting on the thread today - and at one point couldn't quote at all so had to paste Barry's post in- Definitely something is broken on the site......again.

indiepanda

I have never been that keen to get married because I always knew I didn't want kids and I am not religious. But that doesn't mean I take relationships less seriously - if I am with someone, I don't look around for other options. I gather my boyfriend (whom I don't live with) who feels the same about marriage still describes me as "the wife" to his friends though!

Having said that, I've seen some people who I assumed would never marry their o/h decide to get married, and it has changed their relationship - seem to have become a bit more romantic and affectionate with each other. One couple had been together about ten years at the time, and the other over twenty.

BarryBlue

duchy wrote: »

Yes he was embarassed because he knew he'd spent a lot of money and people he was offering hospitality to were drunkenly moaning and groaning about it . I'd be embarassed by my friends if they did that too.

Wow! I hadn't realised you were there.:rotfl:

coolcait

duchy wrote: »

Which is why more intimate weddings are usually far nicer as you aren't inviting aquaintances who are only interested in a free meal but just those who genuinely care for you and wish you well in your life together and are there to celebrate your marriage not nitpick or take the micky out of you.

Is a wedding meal truly 'free' for the guests?


They may not have to 'pay the bill' as if they were in a restaurant, but they have probably paid for a number of other things before they even sit down at the table - wedding present, outfit, travel costs, maybe accommodation costs.


If a meal is truly dire, why shouldn't that be commented on? If the only 'vegetarian' option on the menu contains copious amounts of non-vegetarian cheese, why shouldn't that be commented on?


In my heart of hearts, I simply don't 'get' a lot of the things which people have at their weddings these days - a number of them have been mentioned on this thread.


However, if I encounter any of those things as a wedding guest, I will either encompass them in a general comment which praises the whole wedding day, or find something positive about the individual 'thing' - even if it is simply 'such a beautiful/striking/unusual colour!'


[as an aside - I also had problems with the site when I tried to quote/reply]

duchy

I don't get them either ...favours and skirts for chairs and entire colour schemes in the church and sweet buffets to me seem especially odd- but it's not my wedding so I don't really care -Everyone has different tastes - be bloody boring if we all liked the same things

As for commenting on if a meal was dire - I wouldn't comment at a dinner party if the meal was awful either. I was raised that as a guest it would be rude to your host to do so and if it was genuinely inedible to just push it around my plate . If someone has gone to the trouble of cook/paying for =a meal for me -even if it has all gone wrong there's no need to humiliate the host . Whether it's an aquaintance , a friend or a family member. The intentions were good .

To me it's just basic manners......Am I really so out of step in believing that ?