wanted a baby for so long - how to accept it's proberly not going to be

must_try_harder_2

LilElvis wrote: »

I only read as far as this post and wanted to explode. The very, very last thing that anyone who has struggled with fertility issues needs to hear is this. It is just about the most insensitive, knee jerk reaction of those with no comprehension of what infertility means. Why would anyone think that saying "well, you can always adopt" make that longing for a child just vanish? Adoption is a different journey. To choose that route means acceptance of closing the door on having a biological child and realising the additional issues which come with adoption. A trite comment like "just adopt" assumes it is as simple a decision as accepting salt and vinegar crisps because the shop has run out of plain. It really isn't, and is only ever uttered by those who have never been placed in such a situation.

In your opinion maybe. But you can’t speak to everyone who has ever suffered infertility and when you say it’s only ever uttered by someone who hasn’t experienced it, that’s pure rubbish as it’s something I would say (and have said) and DH and I have been trying for 10 years now to conceive. We are now looking into the adoption route, which is why I’d maybe suggest it as an option. Why is it insensitive to point out to the op that there might be another way for her to have a child if it doesn't work out biologically?

I’ve lost count of the number of people telling me it’ll happen, or not to give up hope, that I’m not that old and still have time (though as it hasn’t happened in the last 10 years, when I was supposedly at the peak of my fertility, why they think it would suddenly happen in the next two is beyond me). And I’ve heard literally hundreds of stories about so-and-so’s best friend’s sister who tried for 8 years and then suddenly found herself pregnant at 40, so it does happen. Some people may wish to cling to that little bit of hope, regardless of how unlikely it is. I'd rather be a bit more realistic. But I accept different things work for different people so I am very polite to the people who tell me the same thing for the hundredth time.

For me, every time I hear a pregnancy announcement I still feel down, if it was an ex I’d TTC with I can only imagine it would be ten times worse. But the feeling does pass.

rocketqueen

Thanks for the messages everyone.

I was feeling a bit better until I went into work yesterday and one of my colleagues made a big announcement about his girlfriend being pregnant and it was literally all I heard all day (I'm happy for him and his partner but bad timing for me!)

I was a grumpy beast all day at work lol. Had a good moan about the whole thing to my new boyfriend last night and feel a bit better again this morning.

heartbreak_star

Love to you, RQ. Am glad you feel you can talk to your partner

HBS x

BarryBlue

missbiggles1 wrote: »

No wonder this is called is called the "Hysterical Harpies Board" by the rest of MSE.:rotfl:

lulu_92 wrote: »

If it is the "Hysterical Harpies Board" then why are you here?

I am sure there are plenty of people, like me, who come over to HH sometimes for a variety of reasons.

I don't believe many of the threads are genuine and they do soon morph into comedy gold. Supposedly serious answers to completely unlikely problems are often interspersed with replies from those who have entered into the spirit of it all. They are what make it. I sometimes go to the Bridezillas board too - never fails to amuse.

j.e.j.

Person_one wrote: »

Just popped back on today out of curiosity after [STRIKE]giving up on this forum a while back[/STRIKE] I kept winding people up and getting banned. Nice to see you're still your old self ONW, I'd expect nothing else!

Just corrected that for you

summerspring

missbiggles1 wrote: »

What is today?

If you don't think I was flamed (very personally) by two posters, then I dread to think what you would consider as flaming.

No wonder this is called is called the "Hysterical Harpies Board" by the rest of MSE.:rotfl:

I'm not sure what a Harpy is but there's a lot of unpleasantness and cliques on this board and on other boards, like Discussion Time (which I rarely venture into at all now!). It is a shame, because it's quite a good website otherwise!

OP 38 is no age, my neighbour's daughter has just had her second baby, aged 42. She had her first at 40.

Lily-Rose_3

Person_one wrote: »

Just popped back on today out of curiosity after [STRIKE]giving up on this forum a while back [/STRIKE]I kept winding people up and getting banned. Nice to see you're still your old self ONW, I'd expect nothing else!

j.e.j. wrote: »

Just corrected that for you

Behave yourself j.e.j. you naughty wee lass!

summerspring wrote: »

I'm not sure what a Harpy is but there's a lot of unpleasantness and cliques on this board and on other boards, like Discussion Time (which I rarely venture into at all now!). It is a shame, because it's quite a good website otherwise!

OP 38 is no age, my neighbour's daughter has just had her second baby, aged 42. She had her first at 40.

Yes you're right, it can be quite unpleasant at times. I know I am no angel, and never have been, but I have felt under attack at times, and have actually considered leaving the board.

I did have a break of about a month a while back, but then I missed it, and thought 'the majority of posters are actually absolutely fine, so why should I let a small handful of people (no more than 3 or 4) drive me away?'

SO I came back (about 4 months back) and it seems to have been OK since. I have helped the situation by not getting so hysterical and ranty, and taking things so personal all the time...

j.e.j.

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Behave yourself j.e.j. you naughty wee lass!

Sorry
It's just that she seems to think we've all got very short memories :rotfl:

Lily-Rose_3

j.e.j. wrote: »

Sorry
It's just that she seems to think we've all got very short memories :rotfl:

:rotfl:

Awwww I'm only teasin' :kisses3:

Person_one

Ames wrote: »

Good to see you back, P1.

Thanks Ames, same to you!