wanted a baby for so long - how to accept it's proberly not going to be

missbiggles1

lulu_92 wrote: »

I agree that the poster didn't say "just adopt", but as it has been said before it's not always the solution for many reasons and a lot of people tend to suggest it as being the magic fix. Like I said, if missbiggles had said something like "I've been there, had issues with my own fertility and I adopted and it's the best thing I ever did and I totally recommend it" I think reactions may have been different. People on this site get used to others assuming adoption is for everyone.

I'll see how I feel about the question myself in a few years time.

Why should anybody have to give lots of private information just to make a perfectly sensible suggestion? Why should my own experiences be relevant to anybody else or be necessary to make that suggestion.

"Have you considered adoption?" is a totally neutral comment which anybody could have made, regardless of their own experiences.

Stop trying to excuse the inexcusable.

Torry_Quine

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Why should anybody have to give lots of private information just to make a perfectly sensible suggestion? Why should my own experiences be relevant to anybody else or be necessary to make that suggestion.

"Have you considered adoption?" is a totally neutral comment which anybody could have made, regardless of their own experiences.

Stop trying to excuse the inexcusable.

It seems to me that it was an acceptable question but people can be very sensitive around this whole area and read more into it than was intended by you.

missbiggles1

lulu_92 wrote: »

No, you're right, you shouldn't have to do that, but you can't exactly be offended that someone has gotten your angle wrong because they didn't know how you meant it?

I think if posters had been told of your experiences originally (of course, had you wanted to tell us) it would have given a different side to the story. You obviously think adoption was a good choice for you, so where was the harm in giving that information to someone who wants to know her options for the future?

..I don't think it's "inexcusable". Think of what today is. Someone simply stating they wished people would stop assuming people with fertility issues would just adopt is far from inexcusable.

Also, for the record, I don't see one post up there "flaming" you. There's posts that disagree but nobody made it personal towards you. You're the one reacting negatively:

What is today?

If you don't think I was flamed (very personally) by two posters, then I dread to think what you would consider as flaming.

No wonder this is called is called the "Hysterical Harpies Board" by the rest of MSE.:rotfl:

Jagraf

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It seems to me that it was an acceptable question but people can be very sensitive around this whole area and read more into it than was intended by you.

I think that is right. It's other people's sensitivity. My OH and I feel it when people say "real dad" but they don't mean anything by it, generally.

lulu_92

missbiggles1 wrote: »

What is today?

If you don't think I was flamed (very personally) by two posters, then I dread to think what you would consider as flaming.

No wonder this is called is called the "Hysterical Harpies Board" by the rest of MSE.:rotfl:

7/7? I think there are bigger things we can call inexcusable.

Well did any of them make it about you? Did they call you stupid and ignorant? No they didn't.

If it is the "Hysterical Harpies Board" then why are you here?

lulu_92

Jagraf wrote: »

I think that is right. It's other people's sensitivity. My OH and I feel it when people say "real dad" but they don't mean anything by it, generally.

This, exactly. I was talking to my friends the other day about issues that run in our families, I had mentioned that I am only the third person in my family in the last 40 years to miscarry. My friend mentioned that none of her family had gone through it and said "we hold onto our babies in my family" - it really touched a nerve and I was quite upset about it but I know she didn't mean it to be offensive to me. I just gave her a big kick

sweaty_betty

OP - I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. I remember a few years ago, four successive ex-boyfriends all either got married or had children (or both) within a year of us splitting up. I felt pretty crap about that.

I can't pretend I understand what you're going through re infertility, but I have had recurrent miscarriages and completely understand when you say it might be easier if you knew there was no hope. The little bit of hope that this time it might work out is what keeps us trying but makes us more vulnerable.

I also have PCOS and really hope that your next appointment is helpful. FWIW I've been given metformin (supposed to increase likelihood of conception/maintain a pregnancy) and there may be other things out there that I don't know about.

I wish you lots of happiness in your new relationship.

sweaty_betty

lulu_92 wrote: »

This, exactly. I was talking to my friends the other day about issues that run in our families, I had mentioned that I am only the third person in my family in the last 40 years to miscarry. My friend mentioned that none of her family had gone through it and said "we hold onto our babies in my family" - it really touched a nerve and I was quite upset about it but I know she didn't mean it to be offensive to me. I just gave her a big kick

She deserves a big kick! The only response appropriate from her would have been how fortunate her family were to never have gone through this.

Lily-Rose_3

missbiggles1 wrote: »

What is today?

If you don't think I was flamed (very personally) by two posters, then I dread to think what you would consider as flaming.

No wonder this is called is called the "Hysterical Harpies Board" by the rest of MSE.:rotfl:

lulu_92 wrote: »

7/7? I think there are bigger things we can call inexcusable.

Well did any of them make it about you? Did they call you stupid and ignorant? No they didn't.

If it is the "Hysterical Harpies Board" then why are you here?

EXACTLY! Funny how people slate the board so when things aren't going their way. :rotfl:

Person_one wrote: »

Just popped back on today out of curiosity after giving up on this forum a while back. Nice to see you're still your old self ONW, I'd expect nothing else!

Oooooh, NOW I am curious. Who is ONW?!

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Killed anybody recently, Person_one?

:huh:

GlasweJen

Older not wiser? I didn't think she was about any more.