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Fed up of being dictated to!!
DivineSaver
Posts: 60 Forumite
Hi all,
Yes it's me again, and yes another petty issue regarding my parents
Really seems to be never ending these days.
Ok, when I was 18 just after leaving school, I got myself a fairly decent job. Bills were low so managed to accumulate a bit of savings. Saved some for pension/future and the rest I spent on a car. Had passed my test at 17 but with this being my first car, it was majorly expensive to run so my dad insured himself on my car with me as a named driver (I paid my % of the insurance). To say thanks, I would let him drive the car as and when needed when he came to visit. (Those who read my other thread will know my parents moved abroad in my late teens).
Anyway, my dad lost his job abroad for a short time so stayed with me for 6 months and worked here until he found another job in the country they lived. In this time he would use my car for going back and forward to his new job (45 miles daily). He got pally with the guys he worked with and used to take it in turns to car-share with them on occasion. Eventually after around 4 months of car sharing, he said he was fed up driving my car and wanted a bigger one for this commute to work. He convinced me to trade my car in for another one, which he assured me he would take abroad with him when the time came, and buy me another new car to use here at home. Seemed like a sweet deal at the time so I accepted. Low and behold, when the time came, it was much more difficult and costly than expected to ship the car abroad so I was left with a much bigger car than I needed with higher running costs.
Fast forward 2 years and a new job later, I was starting to enjoy use of this new car and running costs were no longer as expensive as they first seemed (was on my own insurance policy by this time and the cost was lower than I expected!) My parents still had use of it as and when they visited. One day my dad decided he was fed up again with the car and wanted something, in his words, "more plush to drive when he came to visit". Again, convinced me to trade the car in but this time, the new (and current) car would be registered in my name.
Plush as this new car is, the MPG is abysmal and the running costs don't even bear thinking about (found that out the hard way when I got a nail in my tire and another in my heart when hit with a £350 bill :eek:) The only advantage with this car is it was much bigger than my old one so I was able to put the dog in the boot and take him on walks, day trips with me and OH, it also got used for the odd trip to the skip when decluttering/redecorating the house.
Now that my parents are home full time, my dad has again been using my car as and when he likes while his car is sitting on my driveway waiting for DVLA approval to drive in this country. A few days ago I mentioned in conversation that I was planning on trading the car in or selling it, as its coming up for my insurance renewal and I really would prefer something small and more economical as we're trying to save for a new kitchen and bathroom. This was met with a stony silence so the subject was dropped. Last night when I went to pick up the car for work this morning, I was told in no uncertain terms that "things had to change". Apparently I am ruining the car by not taking enough care over it, he said he spent over an hour vacuuming all the dog hair up and was "disappointed" that my car will soon be needing a new tire. This was met by astonished protest from me as 1) I used to vacuum the car every week before my parents came home and since their car is parked on my driveway (has been for 3 months now), I have not had any access to my driveway/garage to get it vacuumed. Yes, I could vacuum it at one of those car wash places but why spend that money when I have a perfectly good vacuum at home? and 2) In my day-to-day life, I use the car a mere 7.5 - 8 miles per week. However in the 5 months my parents have been home, they have used the car an extortionate amount. I'm talking over 1,000 miles a week. Plus my dad is not the most careful of drivers and doesn't think twice about mounting the kerb regardless of how high it is or what speed he is going. Surely this is more detrimental to my tires than my average day-to-day use??
However, my protests were dismissed and for those who are now tired of reading.. the short version is my dad has now laid down the rules that I will not use my car for day trips, to go to the skip with rubbish or allow my dog in the boot ever again unless its for emergencies like a trip to the vet.
Personally, I don't care how selfish I'm sounding (I know I wouldn't have a plush car if it wasn't for him) but I have decided I am going to sell the car, get the best price I can for it, use the proceeds to buy a similar car to what I bought originally and give my dad the difference. This would mean however that any borrowing of my car and using it to clock up 1000s of miles would stop.
Just more of a rant than anything else really. Thanks for reading and if you have any better suggestions, please feel free to tell me. :beer:
Yes it's me again, and yes another petty issue regarding my parents
Really seems to be never ending these days.Ok, when I was 18 just after leaving school, I got myself a fairly decent job. Bills were low so managed to accumulate a bit of savings. Saved some for pension/future and the rest I spent on a car. Had passed my test at 17 but with this being my first car, it was majorly expensive to run so my dad insured himself on my car with me as a named driver (I paid my % of the insurance). To say thanks, I would let him drive the car as and when needed when he came to visit. (Those who read my other thread will know my parents moved abroad in my late teens).
Anyway, my dad lost his job abroad for a short time so stayed with me for 6 months and worked here until he found another job in the country they lived. In this time he would use my car for going back and forward to his new job (45 miles daily). He got pally with the guys he worked with and used to take it in turns to car-share with them on occasion. Eventually after around 4 months of car sharing, he said he was fed up driving my car and wanted a bigger one for this commute to work. He convinced me to trade my car in for another one, which he assured me he would take abroad with him when the time came, and buy me another new car to use here at home. Seemed like a sweet deal at the time so I accepted. Low and behold, when the time came, it was much more difficult and costly than expected to ship the car abroad so I was left with a much bigger car than I needed with higher running costs.
Fast forward 2 years and a new job later, I was starting to enjoy use of this new car and running costs were no longer as expensive as they first seemed (was on my own insurance policy by this time and the cost was lower than I expected!) My parents still had use of it as and when they visited. One day my dad decided he was fed up again with the car and wanted something, in his words, "more plush to drive when he came to visit". Again, convinced me to trade the car in but this time, the new (and current) car would be registered in my name.
Plush as this new car is, the MPG is abysmal and the running costs don't even bear thinking about (found that out the hard way when I got a nail in my tire and another in my heart when hit with a £350 bill :eek:) The only advantage with this car is it was much bigger than my old one so I was able to put the dog in the boot and take him on walks, day trips with me and OH, it also got used for the odd trip to the skip when decluttering/redecorating the house.
Now that my parents are home full time, my dad has again been using my car as and when he likes while his car is sitting on my driveway waiting for DVLA approval to drive in this country. A few days ago I mentioned in conversation that I was planning on trading the car in or selling it, as its coming up for my insurance renewal and I really would prefer something small and more economical as we're trying to save for a new kitchen and bathroom. This was met with a stony silence so the subject was dropped. Last night when I went to pick up the car for work this morning, I was told in no uncertain terms that "things had to change". Apparently I am ruining the car by not taking enough care over it, he said he spent over an hour vacuuming all the dog hair up and was "disappointed" that my car will soon be needing a new tire. This was met by astonished protest from me as 1) I used to vacuum the car every week before my parents came home and since their car is parked on my driveway (has been for 3 months now), I have not had any access to my driveway/garage to get it vacuumed. Yes, I could vacuum it at one of those car wash places but why spend that money when I have a perfectly good vacuum at home? and 2) In my day-to-day life, I use the car a mere 7.5 - 8 miles per week. However in the 5 months my parents have been home, they have used the car an extortionate amount. I'm talking over 1,000 miles a week. Plus my dad is not the most careful of drivers and doesn't think twice about mounting the kerb regardless of how high it is or what speed he is going. Surely this is more detrimental to my tires than my average day-to-day use??
However, my protests were dismissed and for those who are now tired of reading.. the short version is my dad has now laid down the rules that I will not use my car for day trips, to go to the skip with rubbish or allow my dog in the boot ever again unless its for emergencies like a trip to the vet.
Personally, I don't care how selfish I'm sounding (I know I wouldn't have a plush car if it wasn't for him) but I have decided I am going to sell the car, get the best price I can for it, use the proceeds to buy a similar car to what I bought originally and give my dad the difference. This would mean however that any borrowing of my car and using it to clock up 1000s of miles would stop.
Just more of a rant than anything else really. Thanks for reading and if you have any better suggestions, please feel free to tell me. :beer:
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Comments
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Do you mean to say that your parents ARE now living with you?
Why on earth are you and your OH putting up with them still dictating how you should live?
It really is time for you to cut the umbilical cord!
Your car, you are paying for it, you can put whatever and whomever you like in it!0 -
If I'm reading correctly, it's your car. Why should he profit from it? Get him to chase the DVLA about his car!!
HBS x"I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."
"It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."
#Bremainer0 -
About time you put your foot downI Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
Your plan sounds fine - just insure your new car in your own name with you as the only driver and he can't use it. Sounds like you're polar opposites with car needs and wants anyway, so let him buy his big comfy executive saloon for cruising the motorways, and you have your basic economy model for getting you, the dog and the hedge clippings to where you need to go
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I would suggest to your father that he get on to the DVLA about his car as soon as possible. As when you sell YOUR car and buy the replacement YOU WANT, that replacement will obviously not be suitable for him to drive.
And don't get pushed again into changing things in your life to suit others.Dor0 -
Your plan sounds fine - just insure your new car in your own name with you as the only driver and he can't use it. Sounds like you're polar opposites with car needs and wants anyway, so let him buy his big comfy executive saloon for cruising the motorways, and you have your basic economy model for getting you, the dog and the hedge clippings to where you need to go
Simple,quick idea to get him out of your car! OK - so when you got your first car, he insured it - but that was then, and you have repaid that debt time and time over.0 -
Do you mean to say that your parents ARE now living with you?
Why on earth are you and your OH putting up with them still dictating how you should live?
Oh no no, they're not living with us! Couldn't bring myself to give into that one. They are living in rented accommodation at the moment! Their rented place doesn't have a driveway though, that's why their car has landed on ours.0 -
It's your car, it's up to you how you use it (and who you let drive it!)DivineSaver wrote: »my dad has now laid down the rules that I will not use my car for day trips, to go to the skip with rubbish or allow my dog in the boot ever again unless its for emergencies like a trip to the vet.
I'd tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you will use your car however you please and he needs to mind his own business!DivineSaver wrote: »I have decided I am going to sell the car, get the best price I can for it, use the proceeds to buy a similar car to what I bought originally and give my dad the difference. This would mean however that any borrowing of my car and using it to clock up 1000s of miles would stop.
Sounds perfectly reasonable to me
I'd have got rid of the first bigger car (the one he had planned to ship abroad) and got something that wasn't too expensive for me to run at the time (actually, I wouldn't have agreed to it in the first place, I'd have suggested he bought his own car once he was needing one for a regular commute to work but, hey ho, that's history now)Everything will be alright in the end so, if it’s not yet alright, it means it’s not yet the endQuidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur0 -
I'm a bit lost - who actually paid for the car? You or your dad? If he paid for it is understandable that he feele a bit proprietorial. If you paid for it, then it is a totally different matter.0
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DivineSaver wrote: »Oh no no, they're not living with us! Couldn't bring myself to give into that one. They are living in rented accommodation at the moment! Their rented place doesn't have a driveway though, that's why their car has landed on ours.
Thank goodness for that!0
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