Dumped out the blue....

FBaby

I was tempted to say that maybe it would be worth giving him at least the chance to explain himself, in case he does love you dearly, really wants to be with you, but had a sudden knee jerk reaction feeling a bit suffocated when you kept calling him and he panicked at the time. It can happen and it could be worth giving it another chance if you could manage to communicate better.

However, two things you said raised alarm bells to me. The first is the fact that you hardly go out with him when he is with his friends. Unless there is a good reason, ie. arrangements are made at the last minute and you can't get a babysitter for your children, something is not right that he would want to separate his life with his friends and with you.

The other thing that makes me want to say that you should be cautious is his statement that he isn't sure whether he is missing YOU or being with someone. I find this the most hurtful thing he could say. If the issue is that he loves you deeply, but is concerned about committing to you because of your age/parental status/insecurity and demand of his attention, then I can see how he would himself be heartbroken and confused, but if that was the case, why would he actually asked himself whether he misses you or your company? It shouldn't even cross his mind that this is what he might be missing.

These two facts together would make me wonder whether he does truly love you as much as he claims/ed.

barbiedoll

Much as I hate to say it, I kind of agree with Spinkz on this one.

Some men are extremely immature at 24, others not so much. I think that OP's bf is enjoying "playing house" and likes the idea of a ready-made family and an older woman who doesn't mind him going out alone with his mates (a lot of younger women are much more possessive)...however, I'm guessing that he either gets a lot of stick from his mates about being "tied down", or he did cheat at the BBQ.
And as Spinkz said, he may well confess eventually (although not to full s e x, they NEVER admit to that!) but either way, he definitely likes the thought of being in control, the getting @rsey about OP "moving on" shows that.

OP, it's true that the course of true love doesn't always run smooth, but it really shouldn't be this much hard work. He's not making you happy and even if you went back to him, you would always have this incident in the back of your mind.

Let him go and look back fondly (and proudly!) at your time with your younger man. I don't think that this will ever work out, at least not at this stage of your lives. Don't let him mess you around, you are worth more than that, as are your kids.

justme111

duchy wrote: »

Of course such perception illustrates what a "player" you are (in Spinkz world at least)

Any man who claims to be a player -generally isn't !!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Now leave the OP alone - Her bloke isn't a player he's immature -and the two only sometimes go hand in hand. From what she says he's just immature not both.

I really hope she takes some time for herself before even thinking of taking him back though.

Really? Are you in possession of some magic "player test" that you applied to this bloke and it came negative ? If we agree that "player" is one who exercises control and receives real or perceived benefits by "pressing the buttons" of other person - the behaviour of the bloke fits the description.

-taff

So I reckon he probably did something with someone on his night out too, then thoight, !!!!!!, better end it because I want to do it again.
If he didn't want you to meet his mates and do stuff with them, then it sounds like he was ashamed of being seen with you.

Next time he phones or texts, ignore it, or stick him on block or something because he's not going to say anything you want to hear, and he'll just be after you saying you understand so he can feel less guilty.

It's not going to work.

duchy

I think- unless the OP hasn't wanted to see it - that on the whole the player like vibe is only since the split- and who knows what his friends are saying to him to "help" him sort things out.

Of course with hindsight the OP may realize there was that kind of immature stuff going on and she chose not to see it.

Regardless of which it is -I hope she takes her time deciding and doesn't just take him back but thinks about what she wants and if he wants the same before allowing him back into her family.

justme111 wrote: »

Really? Are you in possession of some magic "player test" that you applied to this bloke and it came negative ? If we agree that "player" is one who exercises control and receives real or perceived benefits by "pressing the buttons" of other person - the behaviour of the bloke fits the description.

monalithic2012

I'd say ask him round for coffee and have a talk with him, you have nothing to lose and lots to gain. No one knows why he dumped you so suddenly and I really hope he comes to his senses and realises you and the kids are the best thing that's happened to him the better.

pickledonionspaceraider

It is hard when you get dumped and feel that you haven't been able to get an honest reason why and therefore 'closure'.

As many others have said, It seems to me that something happened on his night out. He met someone else/an old flame = that is what i would be thinking if it was me

At least you found out after nine months. It sounds heartless, but better now than years down the line