I am in a mess and don't know what to do

kb_soma

OP, are you still here? I saw you started a debt diary before this thread.

Hoping you're okay..

aymz1983

This was....an interesting yet slightly exhausting read!

I think OP is genuine but as others say, has not had her LBM yet. And to be honest, I don't think she ever will.

She states that she has been in this mess before. Obviously no lessons were learned. In this mess now, she ignores nearly all suggestions, or finds easy excuses as to why it cannot be done. I understand that there is an underlying lifelong illness, and I can only imagine how hard it must be to have one, but at the same time, there are many others in the same boat who have managed to seriously reduce debt by any and all means possible.

Yes, it is commendable that so much has been paid off two credit cards (albeit with a lucky break) and with two more to go. And it is commendable that OP has started reducing some outgoings. However, I fear that after the initial excitement of paying them off has died down, we shall see another post in a few months time along the lines of '"Help! I cleared my debt but couldn't stop spending and now it's doubled!". I can't see OP carrying on shopping at Aldi forever, or carrying on with the NSD's. Sooner or later the old mindset will reappear because the OP has not learnt to change it completely.

OP, you say that the level of DLA has changed. Does this now entitle you to apply for Motability? That would help in some of your car costs. If you haven't switched to online/mobile banking yet - why not? It takes a minute to set up. You may have to wait a couple of days for relevant information to come through but that would also save on fuel costs by not going to the bank every time you need to put money in/pay a bill.

I too was frustrated reading through the OP's responses, which came across a lot of the time as critical of the help being offered. There is just no need for it.

It sounds from the way it has been described that although it is a joint bank account that OP and husband have, that OP's husband has very little to do with it. I know OP you said you were not wanting a DMP - I can't think why not, unless it was to hide still from your husband - but I wonder if it would be worth opening a simple, basic bank account in your name (easily done, I did this myself last week and had the sort code and account number immediately). You could then ring Payplan or Stepchange or any of the other free debt charities to set up a DMP and transfer the money from the joint account to your new account and have the DMP payments go from there, as it would then not show on the joint account statements, were your OH to look.

You state your marriage isn't that great anyway, and have said that your husband has already left you for 6 months previously. Quite honestly, I would also plan for a day where you need your own account as a joint one will no longer be an option. It may not happen, but given how history has been before, if it did, you'd be that little bit more prepared.

No further advice to give that hasn't already been given. Good luck in your endeavours though, however it turns out.

Anoneemoose

aymz1983 wrote: »

I too was frustrated reading through the OP's responses, which came across a lot of the time as critical of the help being offered. There is just no need for it.

This exactly! It seem some think it's ok for OP to be critical and dismissive of suggestions to help, yet when others are honest and blunt, it is condescending.

I also agree with you when you say OP hasn't had her LBM yet and that if she really wanted to change, she would, despite ilness - or anything else really.

Now, there's nothing to say that OP won't change, but sadly, I think that she will only do so when she is literally left with no other option and has hit rock bottom, and that, despite what is said about being condescending and scaring her off, is something no-one wants to happen, which is why people are getting frustrated.

Cat_Addict

For me, I was just trying to spare others the humiliation of being reeled in for months, only to find you've been had (as happened to me).

If it's all genuine then I would just like to see you all treated a little nicer when you're trying so hard to help.

randomer

cat addict this is just too weird

whiteguineapig

asparagus1968 wrote: »

we never know what's true or not here really.

This thread reminds me of one awhile back, can't think of the name now, it had "BIG" in it somewhere. Lady with an illness, but car, big house etc. Lots of reasons why things couldn't be changed. Husband couldn't be told, he had sporadic work but was "wealthy" himself. The car accident in that thread sadly killed the OPs husband. She then got pay outs of money from husbands boss "as an act of kindness".

Anyhow, same thing there as here, people got annoyed and frustrated. We can give advice and support or not. And even if OP doesn't listen or want it, it often helps others reading the replies ,so it's usually not wasted.

I can remember that thread
and like you say, this thread has the same "feel" about it

cybertortoise

Well I just read through all 20 pages of this thread. That was long!


Regardless of whether the OP was/is fake, the information given to try and help her out is great and I shall be implementing many of the tips and ideas.


I picked up on the underwear and bus thing too, easier when you read the whole thing in one go probably. This is England, where do you have to live to have no buses at all?


I think she was treated fairly and any of the posts I read that may not have been entirely sympathetic came across as through frustration when every potential solution was shot down.


Wishing the OP luck with sorting out her situation and thanks for all the advice, I know I found it helpful and illuminating.

Feral_Moon

cybertortoise wrote: »

I picked up on the underwear and bus thing too, easier when you read the whole thing in one go probably. This is England, where do you have to live to have no buses at all?

.

In any number of rural villages around the country. My own village is only served by two buses PER WEEK so villagers can get to the markets in local towns.

cybertortoise

Wow I guess I must be sheltered living in the town then, maybe the village I used to live in was on a main bus route but I just didn't realise. Still two a week is better than none.

Alibear

I just read through the whole thing too - not sure why as I haven't been on these forums for ages! There were a few things which stood out to me - namely the massive reluctance to move on the window cleaner and the underwear thing. She said she was sending back the majority of the underwear, then said her mum paid for it, and also said she has to shop at M&S because she knows it fits (or something) but previously said her old underwear was no good because she'd lost a lot of weight, therefore meaning she doesn't know what would fit?!

I hope I'm wrong and she isn't in denial for much longer because even with two CC cards to pay she isn't going to get rid of them by being a few pence under her shopping budget every so often. But I can understand why so many people were getting frustrated because there really was an excuse for everything.

But as others have said, if the wealth of advice here has helped other, at least none if it is fruitless!