I am in a mess and don't know what to do

Ilona

randomer wrote: »

BUT WHY? They don't stand to gain anything?

Hi. My answer to that question is a generic answer and in no way connected to the OP. A myriad of reasons. Even though there are no monetary gains, someone with unclear thinking might have the need to bolster their self esteem by appearing vulnerable, embroidering small storylines into a tapestry of intrigue, which provokes a response from genuine caring people. Basically it makes the person feel better if they think someone cares about them. What someone is lacking in their real life can be made up from the caring folks in a virtual life.

Hiding on the internet guarantees, almost, anonymity, so there is no need to put all your cards on the table. Clues can be hidden which makes it more difficult for the reader to know what is going on, unlike face to face interactions where body language comes into play. People can be six feet tall on the internet, appear full of confidence, and vice versa, but the reality may be different.

Dabbling in psychology can be dangerous, I am not trained at all. I make no claim to understanding mental illness, indeed some of it baffles me. Everyone has to make up their own mind as to what they believe and what they don't. Just keep an open mind.

Ilona

asparagus1968

we never know what's true or not here really.

This thread reminds me of one awhile back, can't think of the name now, it had "BIG" in it somewhere. Lady with an illness, but car, big house etc. Lots of reasons why things couldn't be changed. Husband couldn't be told, he had sporadic work but was "wealthy" himself. The car accident in that thread sadly killed the OPs husband. She then got pay outs of money from husbands boss "as an act of kindness".

Anyhow, same thing there as here, people got annoyed and frustrated. We can give advice and support or not. And even if OP doesn't listen or want it, it often helps others reading the replies ,so it's usually not wasted.

satchmo1

asparagus1968 wrote: »

we never know what's true or not here really.

This thread reminds me of one awhile back. Lots of reasons why things couldn't be changed. The car accident in that thread sadly killed the OPs husband. She then got pay outs of money from husbands boss "as an act of kindness".

I too thought of that thread, and whilst I like to give people the BOTD, I do wonder....

ampersand

randomer wrote: »

BUT WHY? They don't stand to gain anything?

Attention.
#
But, as others have said, ' I am in a mess and don't know what to do ...'
can hook desperate readers feeling likewise

At this point, we can remember why Martin began this site and know that caring and good advice remains for others to see and follow, or not.

......just as asparagus and many more have reiterated :-) and we'll probably all keep doing so.

'Human and humane' need not be determined/proscribed only by r. murdoch muck.

Ilona

asparagus1968 wrote: »

we never know what's true or not here really.

We can give advice and support or not. And even if OP doesn't listen or want it, it often helps others reading the replies ,so it's usually not wasted.

I agree with this. Anyone trawling through these boards will find lots of ideas to tackle their own debts. Some wannabee's go at it full pelt and remain focused to the end, some dilly dally along the way and get there eventually, and some will never get it.

Even the threads where an op never gets it, will be a help to someone else. We can all learn by our own mistakes, and by reading about the mistakes of others. This forum has been a big help to me in managing my finances.

Ilona

randomer

well I got slated as a troll or something when infact my only crime is to be not very good at this.
Dunno? still don't understand what pleasure there is in sitting there thinking "hee hee Ive reeled them in"

owlet

Ilona wrote: »

I agree with this. Anyone trawling through these boards will find lots of ideas to tackle their own debts. Some wannabee's go at it full pelt and remain focused to the end, some dilly dally along the way and get there eventually, and some will never get it.

Even the threads where an op never gets it, will be a help to someone else. We can all learn by our own mistakes, and by reading about the mistakes of others. This forum has been a big help to me in managing my finances.

Ilona

I agree with you. I haven't posted in this thread but I've been following it. I actually think the OP is genuine but hasn't had her LBM yet.
Having said that, there have been a few posts that have made me wonder.

I have known of people who won't tell their OH of their debt for fear that they will leave & as the OP has said she has already experienced that once, then I don't think we should be harsh on her for not coming clean to him.

She is chipping away at the debt & I think support is needed to help her through. She is headed in the right direction & we need to give her a support platform to continue. In an ideal world, she would tell her OH & they would work together but it isn't an ideal world and she has to work with what she has got. She doesn't need judgement posts, we all have limitations of one kind or another & this board is for helping others even if it is frustrating at times!!

fairy_lights

It was the sudden discovery of a bank account she'd forgotten about, that just happened to have enough money in to pay off a credit card that made me have doubts.

Feral_Moon

fairy_lights wrote: »

It was the sudden discovery of a bank account she'd forgotten about, that just happened to have enough money in to pay off a credit card that made me have doubts.

Well maybe you should learn to read better then! The money in those accounts totalled a couple of hundred quid due to interest accrued. It's easily done! I've found old savings accounts before now that I'd completely forgotten about!

The money she used to pay off her credit cards was from a back payment of benefits which I can quite believe as looking at her SOA the amount if benefit she claims to have been receiving is far lower than one would expect from the benefits she claims. This could well have run into a few thousand pounds.

Also, many seem to have conveniently forgotten that she shifted debt to a lower interest bearing card too. So that left a lower amount to clear off on that card. I can't see anywhere that she is being dishonest and quite frankly I'm appalled at some of the comments on this thread. I doubt the OP feels able to continue posting here as a result. So well done you lot for scaring her away with your judgemental and condescending attitudes!!!

ampersand

That hasn't yet happened and you have not been shy of accusing others.

Don't resume now.