Children Limit:

[Deleted User]

starrystarry wrote: »

Really? Better to take charity from complete strangers than from your own parents? Not in my world. Families look after each other. My parents would tear a strip off me if I went to a foodbank rather than asking them for help.

Really glad someone said it. Thank you.

missprice

starrystarry wrote: »

Really? Better to take charity from complete strangers than from your own parents? Not in my world. Families look after each other. My parents would tear a strip off me if I went to a foodbank rather than asking them for help.

You assume everyone has parents.
You assume all parents have money.

Just because someone will come along and say, well sibling, aunt, grandparent etc.
Not everyone has them either.
So if it ever came to that, I would use a food bank.

I can't be alone in having no family cept kids, who don't yet earn enough to help me should I need it. Because of zero hour contracts etc

FBaby

The far bigger issue is the cost of housing. That's what really affects young people today. Not student debt.

That and a spoilt view of expectactions. When I graduated and had my first full-time, decently paid job, I was grateful that it meant I could afford a nice houseshare, rather than a grotto, that I could buy my own used furniture, and afford to go to a concert! After a couple of years, I decided to buy a car as travelling to work on public transport was quite time consuming. I got an old banger and I thought I was so lucky.

My niece graduated from Uni and got her first full time job 4 years ago. It is entry level so paid very low, but the week-end she was offered the job, she was in town spending £100s on a new wardrobe (needed for the new job supposedly!), a trip to the hairdresser for expensive highlights, and a new phone. A couple of months after, she'd moved to her own place and was on her way to ikea to fully furnish the new place. 6 months later, she decided to get a car too, but nothing older than 3 years would do, after all, what if it breaks down.

Unfortunately, she is still at the same job and hasn't yet progressed up the ladder (various issues with the company, and other people showing more commitment than her), and she is now knocking on my sister's door every day for help to pay her rent and bills. She gives the usual line 'I am paid rubbish and I can't afford to pay my bills'. One day she played such the victim role, I asked her why she didn't sell her car and buy something older and look at moving with someone. Her response was 'but I don't want to, I work hard and deserve them'.

I think our younger generation have a very different outlook on entitlement, probably because we spoilt them rotten so they now want even more.

missbiggles1

missapril75 wrote: »

The mirror? Wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

Tell you what, go back and read the mini thread that these posts are about. That would be the grown up "children" I mentioned in their 20s, 30s and even 40s relying on their parents...that would be those of late 40s and beyond and how they were better set to assist their offspring. Among the reasons mentioned was Student Grants routinely available for those of that sort of age making it less likely they had debts.

Then explain the relevance of current grants to the days when they were students and everyone got grants and then grants were abolished.

That they are available for those that followed, decades later, those not under the discussion, isn't really relevant to those completing their university time in the 70s, 80s and 90s.

I also mentioned the jobs for life of the past and affordable houses.

Now this should tell you that this was about an era some time ago.

The current system isn't really relevant is it.

Now go back to your Telegraph. Or is it the mail?

You're ignoring my point that there never was a time when everybody got grants - perhaps you missed it?

missbiggles1

starrystarry wrote: »

Really? Better to take charity from complete strangers than from your own parents? Not in my world. Families look after each other. My parents would tear a strip off me if I went to a foodbank rather than asking them for help.

I would never have dreamed of letting my parents know when I was short of money because

a. they would have helped even if it made them short
b. they would have felt such failures as parents
c. it would have worried them too much
d.I would have been too ashamed

Who would actually admit to their parents that they'd needed to use a foodbank - that would just be stupid, thoughtless and unkind.

starrystarry

missprice wrote: »

You assume everyone has parents.
You assume all parents have money.

Just because someone will come along and say, well sibling, aunt, grandparent etc.
Not everyone has them either.
So if it ever came to that, I would use a food bank.

I can't be alone in having no family cept kids, who don't yet earn enough to help me should I need it. Because of zero hour contracts etc

I don't assume anything. I was replying to a post that said it was better to use a foodbank than scrounge off parents. Hence I referred to parents. Though I'd extend that to family in general. If any of my family had nothing to eat I'd rather they asked me for help first than approach a foodbank. I didn't say people shouldn't use foodbanks, I know there are circumstances where people have no other option.

starrystarry

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I would never have dreamed of letting my parents know when I was short of money because

a. they would have helped even if it made them short
b. they would have felt such failures as parents
c. it would have worried them too much
d.I would have been too ashamed

Who would actually admit to their parents that they'd needed to use a foodbank - that would just be stupid, thoughtless and unkind.

I don't get this at all. I don't understand why you would be too ashamed to ask your family for help but you'd gladly ask for help from complete strangers. Why would they feel a failure as a parent just because you needed some help? I think my parents would be more likely to feel like a failure if they thought I couldn't approach them to ask for help.

missbiggles1

starrystarry wrote: »

I don't get this at all. I don't understand why you would be too ashamed to ask your family for help but you'd gladly ask for help from complete strangers. Why would they feel a failure as a parent just because you needed some help? I think my parents would be more likely to feel like a failure if they thought I couldn't approach them to ask for help.

My parents would also have been disappointed if I hadn't asked them, but as I wouldn't tell them they wouldn't know. My shame would be the least important part of that list (which is why I put it last) the effects on my parents would've been far worse.

Our lad asks for money sometimes (and we give it to him if we can) and I always feel a terrible failure when he does so, even though we didn't bring him up from birth. I'd have more respect for him if he sorted himself out independently.

starrystarry

missbiggles1 wrote: »

My parents would also have been disappointed if I hadn't asked them, but as I wouldn't tell them they wouldn't know. My shame would be the least important part of that list (which is why I put it last) the effects on my parents would've been far worse.

Our lad asks for money sometimes (and we give it to him if we can) and I always feel a terrible failure when he does so, even though we didn't bring him up from birth. I'd have more respect for him if he sorted himself out independently.

Why do you feel a failure because your lad needs to ask for help? If anything, it's his failure rather than yours, surely.

missapril75

missbiggles1 wrote: »

You're ignoring my point that there never was a time when everybody got grants - perhaps you missed it?

I didn't. I responded. Perhaps you missed it.:)

I said a very small minority of students of very well paid parents didn't get them because parental contributions were assessed as enough.