Finding Mr right.....

FBaby

Maddybee33 wrote: »

Personally, I think the 'spark' is an over-hyped expectation that's been reinforced by women's magazines and dating shows. You COULD have the 'spark' but have nothing in common with someone, and I don't think it would last long at all.
Or, you could find someone who you may not necessarily feel the 'spark' instantly, but you have tons in common with and eventually it comes. There is some wisdom in what your friends say (although it might be quite annoying for you), in that people who 'try' often don't get it- it happens when you least expect it.
If all else fails, I've always held the belief that cats are better than people anyway. :-)
Good luck.

My experience has been that to be happy long term, I needed both. Either way, the relationship wouldn't last. I had a relationship with a man who I shared so much in common. We got along great and he adored me. Everything pointed out to us become a couple, that's what he wanted, but however much I was friend with him waiting for me to want to move on to the physical part of it, I just couldn't do it. That part never came despite wanting it to and it ended up being terrible when it became clear that he wanted more of nothing (understandably) and I had to say no. He inevitably felt like he had been led on.

After that, I acted on a test that if after 3 dates I still couldn't imagine myself enjoying a kiss with the man, it wasn't worth taking it further, no matter how good we got along.

justme111

May have something to do with your imagination (what you can imagine and what you can not )

FBaby

justme111 wrote: »

May have something to do with your imagination (what you can imagine and what you can not )

Not sure what you mean

Gloomendoom

I've never used a dating site. I had to google "POF" after seeing it on here.

I can't really see them working for somebody like me. I am usually (always) drawn by the visual aspect first. If that doesn't work it doesn't matter how good a person's personality is.

Shallow, I know.

lostinrates

FBaby wrote: »

My experience has been that to be happy long term, I needed both. Either way, the relationship wouldn't last. I had a relationship with a man who I shared so much in common. We got along great and he adored me. Everything pointed out to us become a couple, that's what he wanted, but however much I was friend with him waiting for me to want to move on to the physical part of it, I just couldn't do it. That part never came despite wanting it to and it ended up being terrible when it became clear that he wanted more of nothing (understandably) and I had to say no. He inevitably felt like he had been led on.

After that, I acted on a test that if after 3 dates I still couldn't imagine myself enjoying a kiss with the man, it wasn't worth taking it further, no matter how good we got along.

I had no 'spark' with DH. Now I do. Three dates seems a fair test of time, one date often doesn't. Often people dismiss someone after one date, from my experience now I think unless you have a 'no' reaction, I think its worth those extra couple of dates. I actually agreed to going for a drink with DH because I thought he seemed a nice person ( potential friend) and kinda cheerful and plucky and ( oh the shame for me) I didn't want to knock his confidence. If you'd told me then I'd end up married to him, or even living with him very shortly later, I would less have laughed than got up and run. . . But our fire burns very bright and strong.

themull1

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Just cough up and pay for a decent website. PoF is full of low grade inarticulate surfers; I wouldn't touch Zoosk with a bargepole unless all you want is a poke.

Hey, I met my husband on POF!! there are some nice people on there, there will be nutters on every website, paying or non paying!!

justme111

Fbaby , i replied to you but as i typed in bits throughout the day it did not let me submit reply when i eventually finished ! I can not face typing it again , i am sure there will be amother dating discussion at some point where I will go in more detail , have a nice weekend x

DUTR

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I've never used a dating site. I had to google "POF" after seeing it on here.

I can't really see them working for somebody like me. I am usually (always) drawn by the visual aspect first. If that doesn't work it doesn't matter how good a person's personality is.

Shallow, I know.

Nowt wrong with shallow , the good thing with dating sites is that you do have an initial visual 1st then you can read the repeat descriptions, I think on POF they should have an indicator as to whether a profiler responds frequently or not.

Maddybee33

My experience has been that to be happy long term, I needed both. Either way, the relationship wouldn't last. I had a relationship with a man who I shared so much in common. We got along great and he adored me. Everything pointed out to us become a couple, that's what he wanted, but however much I was friend with him waiting for me to want to move on to the physical part of it, I just couldn't do it. That part never came despite wanting it to and it ended up being terrible when it became clear that he wanted more of nothing (understandably) and I had to say no. He inevitably felt like he had been led on.

I did say instantly not not at all :-)
I might not have felt (what some might call) the 'spark' with my SO instantly (in fact, I was rather infatuated with his friend, who turned out to have the emotional intelligence of my cat's turds :whistle: ) but over time it grew, and I found that I had more in common with him, and (despite attempts to convince me otherwise) he was a much better person. I am aware that it's only been 6 years, but if there is such a thing as 'the one' I do believe I've found him.
Sometimes we have quarrels, but most of the time we agree, which is very important- all the sparks in the world couldn't make that happen.

System

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Just cough up and pay for a decent website. PoF is full of low grade inarticulate surfers; I wouldn't touch Zoosk with a bargepole unless all you want is a poke.

That's a bit harsh :eek:

Though my bf's first message on there did include txt speak, luckily for him i gave him a chance and the rest of the messages were much more articulated :rotfl: Still we're very happy together so maybe i just got lucky?