Finding Mr right.....

vodkachick68

Hi

I am 47 years old and I've been single for nearly a year now apart from a brief encounter that lasted two weeks lol. I'm currently trying to find someone on pof but it's just not happening. I've had a few dates but there is never any chemistry or spark there for me.

I'm just wondering whether I'm ever going to meet someone else that I am compatible with. I have got a nice little social life going on and I'm certainly not ugly so I'm puzzled as to why it's just not happening!

A lot of my friends say 'it happens when you least expect it' so maybe I should just chill and let things happen naturally...patients certainly isn't one of my plus points lol. So just wondering if you met your partner via a dating site or did it happen unexpectedly?

Thanks

HighamKneeDee

Don't give up, keep believing.

FBaby

I think the older you are looking for a partner, the better you know what you are looking for, ie. what personality traits, qualities, that they need to have to make you happy in the relationship. Unfortunately, they are less available men, so the two together means that it can take longer to find someone compatible.

It all comes down to chance, you could meet someone tomorrow or not for quite some time. What matter is that you somehow manage to keep positive about it and don't give up trying to meet men, yet at the same time not make it your goal in life and enjoying being single. It's not easy but you can make meeting with eligible men quite fun even if it isn't to go further.

ciderwithrosie_2

Perhaps because you were on organised dates with the last couple of chaps, there was an expectation that you should click with them straight away?

When people have met their partners through work or their social group they get to know them more gradually, the attraction builds, then you declare an interest as it were. I don't believe in love at first sight, in fact, a couple of my long-term partners I didn't even like them that much on first being introduced!

If you meet guys on PoF, how long do you spend getting to know them before arranging a first date? Maybe it's not long enough?

What sort of things do you normally do socially? I know it's got harder and harder for a couple of my single friends to meet guys on a night out as places just don't get packed like they used to and a group of men in their 30s/40s is a rare event!

Keep your chin up and ooze confidence and independence (even if you don't feel like it inside).

torbrex

To meet someone new you need to do something new

That has been my failing over the years, I get stuck in a rut and never meet anyone new, I have broken the cycle a few times and met new people but I have a tendancy to fall into a comfort zone and stay there but I am gradually breaking the habit.

justme111

Your expectation to meet someone within a year is unrealistic. My last single spell was two and a half years despite looking actively and not being ugly. The guy who I been with now for a year and a half would have been dismissed from the first glance on his dating profile if I did not relax my criteria.

getmore4less

Remember there are guys out there saying just the same.

Peoples habits change so the encounters just don't happen like they did when you were young.

I think trobex sums it up people need to broaden their social scene to meet new people you have probably exhausted your current network.

Don't give up the things/people you like just add to them

Don't just go looking for a new "boy friend" go looking for new people that know people that you don't to broaden the network.

Sometimes it just means doing something you allready like more often.
We frequent a comedy club and it is surprising the number of regulars that turn up.

meetup seems to get results for some, or at least gets them new contacts to bounce off or do things that give the opportunity to meet others that you would not do on your own.

I think a good thing to practice is talking with just about anyone, I chat in supermarkets, pubs, any queue, or waiting like for lights to change.

Don't forget that a lot of the eligible men will have had kids so don't dismiss the younger crowd as a potential source for a contact.


Being more fussy as you get older does not help.

Retroguyuk

I echo the things people have already said on here really.

The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result- if you keep meeting the types of men who don't hold your attention, it's worth trying something new to try and change that. This doesn't just mean trying something new, but can be just trying a different approach within what you do already. You say you've got a nice social life, and that's great, but is it introducing you to new people? And not only that, but is it bringing you into contact with new different types of people?

A year isn't all that long a time really (again like others have said), and it's true that most people have a better idea of what/who they want as life goes on. It's entirely likely that you're better equipped now to filter out men who you might have dated a little before deciding they weren't a good match before.

The other thing to be aware of is if you're dating with the end goal of a relationship focused clearly in sight, rather than enjoying the journey of dating prior to that stage. I think it's easy to put both yourself and a potential partner under a lot of pressure, even subconsciously, if that's the case. The best state of mind to be in with dating is one where you enjoy where you are now, rather than thinking that you'll only start to enjoy life when you're with someone. You mention about your social life, so that might not be the case with you though.

I don't buy into the whole 'it'll happen when you least expect it' adage- this implies that your behaviour has no effect on dating and meeting people, and that just isn't true. You don't want to be focusing on that search for someone as the be-all and end-all, but if you're the type of person who's open to invitations and new experiences, I think you stand a much better chance.

Fireflyaway

It depends on what 'Mr Right' is. If you have a long list of requirements I guess it will take longer. At your age ( not that you are old but you know what I mean) many guys will have more 'baggage' ie been married / have kids etc so I guess that could make it slower.
Try a dating site - that how I met my husband and we have been together 12 years now.

PasturesNew

You missed the boat. Get a cat.

moneyistooshorttomention

PasturesNew wrote: »

You missed the boat. Get a cat.

:rotfl: Well that's short and sharp:rotfl:

You can "never say never" - ie there is occasionally an example of people who've met at a VERY ripe old age and married ...so you never know...

However, from a practical pov, it does get harder as you get older. At one point it struck me that darn nearly all my boyfriends had been good-looking when I was younger but, as I got older, men I was never going to fancy in a month of Sundays started acting like they thought I was "their level" and they would have a chance with me. It may have been shallow of me - but....errrm....I just didn't fancy them and that meant I was quite happy to have them as friends (if they seemed like nice people) - but not as boyfriends.

I do think its true that, as men get older, they tend to expect that the women they date will be a LOT better-looking than they are. With that - you have to turn that round and see that that obviously means those women would be dating men a LOT less attractive than they are. I wasn't prepared to do that personally. It felt like those relationships where the man is quite happy to have a fat partner dieting their way back to a normal size - but think its perfectly okay for them to remain fat. There was a recent newspaper article re a man telling his wife he no longer fancied her - because she had got fat. I sympathised with him - until I saw that he was fat when she met him and is still fat now:cool: - but she is supposed to fancy him apparently regardless.

Anyway - long story short is that I tend to believe there comes a time when it really is by far the best thing to get on and Make A Life for yourself and figure out what sort of interests/hobbies you want to do of yourself (and not as a means to an end of meeting a man). In hindsight - I rather wish I had done exactly that a good deal sooner than I did. I may or may not have met A Man that way - but I'd have been developing myself/learning/making friends/etc anyway and I think that would have been more worth my while than deliberately keeping my eyes open for Mr Right for as long as I did in the event. I never did meet him and, by now, have noticed that some women who got together with a new man from, say, late middle age onwards seem to have been "chased" by the man with more of a potential carer in view for himself than a wife iyswim. It's one thing to find you've become a carer to a man you've been married to all your life (as you've had the good - so, if you then get the bad it sorta evens out). But to marry a man later in life and find that pretty much all you get is "the bad" is rather a different kettle of fish. A same age group friend of mine got chased determinedly by a noticeably older man and gave in and married him and, within months, found she had been turned into a carer.