Should My Husband Quit His Job?

roses

My Dh and I got married four years ago (known each other 18 years). At the time of the wedding (May 2011), he got made redundant and was unemployed for five months. A job came up abroad where his parents live for a large multinational company and with my blessing he took the job and moved in with his parents.

The plan was we would try for a baby and I would spend my maternity leave with him abroad. We had a baby January 2013 and I went to join him for a year. He started applying for jobs back here after he had been at the new firm for two years (enough time to build up his cv) and has been applying for jobs regularly since January 2014, when I returned back here to work full time.

He has had a few interviews but no offers yet. The long term career prospects are better here than where he is so it makes more sense for him to leave his job than me to leave mine. A transfer within his existing firm is out of the question as they are considerably short staffed, his boss won't let him go and they currently have 10 people from the Uk office working with him.

I am now pregnant with baby number 2 and am feeling extremely emotional. I hate being unsettled, I hate living out of a suitcase, DS (now 2.5 years) is also unsettled. We also have several months worth of renovation to do on the house before moving back in which will be extremely difficult to do with two children.

But I am loathe to ask him to quit his job with no job to go to and no idea how long he will be unemployed for. Financially we are ok but I saw what unemployment did to him last time, he was completely demoralised.

Is it fair to ask him to leave before baby number 2 is born without a new job to go to?
Should I be willing to accept he stay in his job a bit longer and I join him again for my maternity leave?

I am not really sure how much advice I can get here, or whether I am looking just for a sounding board.

KJBlackwood

I think it would be unwise for him to leave without another job to go to. Worst case scenario imagine how you and he will be if two years from now he is still without a job. Could you manage financially and/or emotionally? Things could be much worse than they are now.

onlyroz

I also don't think it's a good idea to leave a job without having first found another one. How hard has he been trying to find a new one?

peachyprice

Once baby No.2 comes along would it make financial sense for your husband to stay at home and look after the children, at least until No.1 goes to school, rather than have to pay out for childcare for 2 children?

I can't say I'd want to be here by myself looking after 2 young children while my OH worked abroad unless it were the last resort and the only way we could make ends meet.

roses

It's catch 22. I don't think I can take much longer being apart (it will be 4 years apart in November apart from the year 2013 I spent my maternity leave with him) and he will be depressed if he is out of work

missbiggles1

You don't seem to have considered leaving your job and having the whole family live abroad - surely that's an option?

NoGoodNamesLeft

Is his current job what he wants to do for the rest of his life? If so, then quitting would probably lead to regrets.
However if he has always wanted to do something different (work for another company, retrain or start his own business) this could be the perfect time. You say you are OK financially, so the only concern is how he will occupy himself while out of work. Becoming self employed could solve that, as could freelancing or taking some courses to boost his employability while he searches for a new job.

roses

missbiggles1 wrote: »

You don't seem to have considered leaving your job and having the whole family live abroad - surely that's an option?

I did mention this in my first post:

The long term career prospects are better here than where he is so it makes more sense for him to leave his job than me to leave mine.

NoGoodNamesLeft wrote: »

Is his current job what he wants to do for the rest of his life? If so, then quitting would probably lead to regrets.

Yes his current job is what he wants to do for the rest of his life but not at this company. They work him like a dog and he hates his boss but the projects he is working on are invaluable to his cv....

peachyprice

roses wrote: »

It's catch 22. I don't think I can take much longer being apart (it will be 4 years apart in November apart from the year 2013 I spent my maternity leave with him) and he will be depressed if he is out of work

Will he be depressed if his 'job' is being a house-husband while he looks for work? Looking after the children, the house, the finances, relieving the pressure on you etc.,?

I think you've been very patient waiting for 4 years to be settled as a family, he might be depressed being out of work/looking after the children but you also have to look at your own well-being, it's going to be tough, very tough, on you, looking after 2 pre-schoolers and working full time and trying to maintain a long-distance relationship.

Sorry, but in the grand scheme of your family the fact that he might get depressed if he's out of work for too long is no longer the top priority it was when you were just a couple, he needs to at least try to do the best for his family now.

j.e.j.

roses wrote: »

Should I be willing to accept he stay in his job a bit longer and I join him again for my maternity leave?

I don't think it's a question of willing, - you have no choice but to accept that he will need to keep doing his current job until he manages to find another one, otherwise what will you all live on?

peachyprice

j.e.j. wrote: »

I don't think it's a question of willing, - you have no choice but to accept that he will need to keep doing his current job until he manages to find another one, otherwise what will you all live on?

Money isn't the issue, her husbands well-being is.

roses wrote: »

I returned back here to work full time.

Financially we are ok .