I hate my life

alias*alibi

onlyroz wrote: »

Have you considered a career change or some retraining for yourself?

All the time

I work in local authority complaints which can be extremely hard work and draining, not the job itself but the people we deal with. I do like my job, it's varied and there's some funny stuff mixed in with the serious and I've been doing it for four years now. I do wonder if other people's moans, groans and whinges attribute to how I feel. We listen to people rant and swear and blame us for all manner of things and we put the phone down and have a rant about the way we've been spoken to or a giggle about something silly but I suppose it's got to wear you down in the end subconsciously.

I have no idea what direction I'd like to go in though; thought about counselling but gave that idea a knock on the head.

alias*alibi

VfM4meplse wrote: »

OP, I wonder how your OH feels? I can't believe it's just you feeling like this, he must share the same worries.

Why don't you start talking, and make it your responsibility to support each other as a priority? What you're describing is a downward-spiralling journey and you need to help each other through it. Once you're both more positive, life will get better - or at least feel a lot better, and surely you both deserve that much?

DH is a rather closed book but if he sees or senses me getting stressed it affects him. He feels inadequate too but doesn't show or say it unless I'm on one of my downers and ask him.

DH has a twin who has done better than him and is always bragging about what he has and his kids are spoilt rotten with lots of material possessions and it drives DH mad with the endless showy stuff paraded about. It dawned on me at the weekend that his children have never been to theme parks, funfairs, days out etc. we are always taking DD out when we can afford to or for a trip in the woods etc. So even though his kids have everything they are missing out on 'life'. So I do see that not everybody who portrays the perfect life actually makes the most of it.

pickledonionspaceraider

alias*alibi wrote: »

As the title says; I hate my life. It's a constant struggle and sometimes I want to run and never stop.

Me and DH have been back together for nearly 4 years following his affair but life has stood still, maybe even going backwards. Money is a constant struggle, still renting, struggled to upgrade to a 55 plate car, struggled to get the 02 plate through its MOT. Things were going ok ish then DH's factory caught fire and was badly damaged and has since been demolished so he hadn't actually been in work for nearly 4 months. He's being paid and I'm grateful he still has a job but has lost all his overtime and shift pay. Still no date on when the new factory will be up and running. Life never seems to work out for me. All of my friends go on foreign holidays, have nice houses, new cars etc. and then there's me. The realisation of how crap we are doing keeps me awake at night. I simply hate my life; apart from DD I feel there is nothing worth living for. I contemplate a single life without DH as I sometimes think he's has contributed hugely to this situation and I know that's being mean but I want to be 'free' of this life. I've no friends to socialise with as I don't really want people to get too close as I'm totally embarrassed of my life and don't want to be looked down on.

I'm not sure why I'm posting really; I needed to get it all out I guess. I'm on antidepressants but they are not working really.

Quantifying a persons worth by their possessions is misguided - trying to compare yourself to another human is like comparing an apple to an orange, as we are are all so different in outlook and circumstances.

I think you need to address your social circle and mix outside of your house - and am not sure why you think anyone will look down on you. This is simply untrue and if you get close enough to other people you will see that we ALL have our problems.

I believe your main issue is his affair - it does sound like you haven't properly moved on from this - you need to put the past to bed, to be able to move on properly. I don't know the best way to deal with something like this, but I think now, four years after it happened - you know whether or not you can wipe the slate clean and start off as a new day.

If you can't wipe the slate clean (not everyone can) then your relationship is temporary a bubbling pot awaiting to explode with resentment and to be blunt, you would be doing all of you a favour to move on now, rather than wait it out another four years.

ali-t

OP I do feel for you as it can be really hard to get out of the life is !!!! mentality and in working somewhere that there is negativity around all the time it can be hard to escape the contagious negativity. The only person who can change things is you - have you ever done any reading on mindfulness ? Its about appreciating the small stuff.

skattykatty

OP - I think it would take a herculean effort not to be affected by the work that you do so it is even more important that you timetable in nourishing/nurturing stuff for yourself every day. Make a habit of the good stuff, not just the stuff you have to do because the bills have to get paid. For example, set aside 15 or 30 minutes each day for journalling. Maybe find a focus for it whether it's describing in detail something delicious you ate that day, or recounting a touching/funny story from your day, or reporting what you feel grateful for, or what it is you love about this family you have made or anything...

It sounds like you DO have a sense of the worthwhile stuff of life and that is experiences. Your daughter is so lucky to have parents who recognise this. You are giving her memories, opening her up to experiences and sensations. THIS is what life is about. It sounds like both you and your husband have a tendency to compare and contrast. Maybe take a little time each day to appreciate each other and what you DO have.

You sound a little different in your posts, depression has a habit of cornering us in small spaces and it's like there's more space opening up around your thoughts and feelings. I hope that's so. I really wish you well.