I hate my life

Lunar_Eclipse

alias*alibi wrote: »

I'm not sure if this is your way of being sarcastic. The car failed its MOT and we struggled to get it out through as money is tight. Yes my DH might be getting paid but it's at basic level which is a big drop to what he was earning previously. Do you honestly think he wanted to be sat at home for 4 months doing 'nothing'? He was at work when the fire broke out and he raised the alarm and after standing outside for 2 hours in freezing temps watching the factory burn had an impact on him for a while. Yes we may all joke about wishing work would burn down but it's far from amusing when it actually does happen.

I think Ronaldo might be trying to throw a different perspective on your situation. Failing an MOT is par for the course sadly, and whilst I know it's stressful when money is tight, you have another car so at least had the choice not to retest but take it off the road for a while, especially since your husband isn't currently working (or sell it to bring in some cash?)

Additionally, it's FANTASTIC and incredibly unusual that your husband has been paid for the past 4 months without working. I'm surprised his time hasn't been redirected towards something else actually. I know the fire would have been awful, but especially given how tight money is, do you realise what a huge blessing this is? A sort of miracle actually.

However, going back to your opening post and having felt like you do at times, as well as checking your medication is appropriate, I don't think there is much you can do beyond snapping yourself out of it (ie changing the way you see things - consciously looking for the positive.) I know it's hard to do and sounds incredibly harsh, but I really do believe that the real difference between happy and unhappy people is their perspective. There are so many happy people living in extreme poverty in third world countries and multi millionaires making the news who are so unhappy they are driven to suicide.

Additionally, a healthy balanced diet helps me like a wonder drug. I'm drawn to foods that do me no good: chocolate, crisps and cake on a daily basis, despite them making me feel like crap. Enough water and 8 hours sleep also make me feel much less depressed than when I stay up late! Simple things.

We're coming in to Summer, I hope the warmer weather and sunshine help you feel better. You can turn things around.

Lunar_Eclipse

lostinrates wrote: »

Does his contract stop him getting a top up second job in the interim?

I wondered about that too.

alias*alibi

lostinrates wrote: »

Does his contract stop him getting a top up second job in the interim?

Yes unfortunately

Alikay

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Additionally, a healthy balanced diet helps me like a wonder drug. I'm drawn to foods that do me no good: chocolate, crisps and cake on a daily basis, despite them making me feel like crap. Enough water and 8 hours sleep also make me feel much less depressed than when I stay up late! Simple things.

I second this: When things start to get on top of me, I try and do this - it's amazing how much better things seem when I feel I'm being looked after....even if it's just me who's doing the looking after! It's great what a bowl of mango, watching a feel-good movie and an early night in a clean bed can do for the mind and body

alias*alibi

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I think Ronaldo might be trying to throw a different perspective on your situation. Failing an MOT is par for the course sadly, and whilst I know it's stressful when money is tight, you have another car so at least had the choice not to retest but take it off the road for a while, especially since your husband isn't currently working (or sell it to bring in some cash?)

Additionally, it's FANTASTIC and incredibly unusual that your husband has been paid for the past 4 months without working. I'm surprised his time hasn't been redirected towards something else actually. I know the fire would have been awful, but especially given how tight money is, do you realise what a huge blessing this is? A sort of miracle actually.

However, going back to your opening post and having felt like you do at times, as well as checking your medication is appropriate, I don't think there is much you can do beyond snapping yourself out of it (ie changing the way you see things - consciously looking for the positive.) I know it's hard to do and sounds incredibly harsh, but I really do believe that the real difference between happy and unhappy people is their perspective. There are so many happy people living in extreme poverty in third world countries and multi millionaires making the news who are so unhappy they are driven to suicide.

Additionally, a healthy balanced diet helps me like a wonder drug. I'm drawn to foods that do me no good: chocolate, crisps and cake on a daily basis, despite them making me feel like crap. Enough water and 8 hours sleep also make me feel much less depressed than when I stay up late! Simple things.

We're coming in to Summer, I hope the warmer weather and sunshine help you feel better. You can turn things around.

Yes I am thankful it wasn't more serious than it was, it's only now that the impact of him not working shifts etc is filtering through. I know he is lucky to continued to be paid but to be fair it's the insurance company paying their wages, not the company. Other staff have been redeployed in other areas since but unfortunately DH's work is specialised and needs a huge machine that they can't fit into existing buildings dotted about.

Sorry it's been a particularly bad 4 months really, quite stressful and I guess it's taken its toll. It's not an option to sell the car as the new factory is based 15 miles away in the other direction from the old one which was 5 minutes away, so it will be needed; false economy to sell it then buy another.

missbiggles1

jobbingmusician wrote: »

Maybe make a list of small things that you'd like to change - so you'd like a new kettle and toaster, how can you earn that money so you can reward yourself with them? (Focus groups, surveys, ebay etc. )

I'm sorry, but this keeps coming back to me - how is your relationship with your OH's child? Have you considered having the child to stay, or taking him or her out for a day with your DD? It just feels to me as if falling in love with this little one might be the thing which melts the walls round your heart and helps you see the world differently.

And I don't know whether you've visited the debt board, but making some inroads on your debt WILL help you to feel more in control of your life, and less stamped on by everyone. (Which is how I'd feel I think, IIWY)

I think you'd find that most women wouldn't want to do that and would make them very depressed if they weren't already! Personally, I think it's a horrible suggestion.

skattykatty

You say you've had counselling and you are on anti-depressants. What kind of counselling have you had and is there anything that you found useful? Can you feel any physical effects of the anti-depressants

My husband and I were talking about things last night and we are both at that age, somewhere in the middle, when it seems par for the course to wonder 'what's it all about'? We agreed that there hasn't been a protracted period of time when life in general has been 'good', whatever that means. BUT what we both try to do, sometimes more successfully than at others, is focus on the moments that ARE good whilst accepting the moments that are not for what they are - moments. This is the challenge I think to see the ebb and flow of life as that and not hold on to a thoughtwave cos it will drag you under into depression. I say that as someone who has had periods of depression from a young age.

I have made a habit of comparing myself and my life and what I do and don't have unfavourably with others, but have learned that I actually have no idea of the reality of many people's lives. I know a number of people who seem to have stuff and can afford things, but learn that's because they risk credit, a lot of it. I don't. Perhaps I could. But I choose not to. And somewhere I read the following quote, which I bring to mind when I am starting down the road of resentment:

'Comparison is the thief of joy.'

I don't know that life is 'easy' for anyone in particular. I think its full of challenge. Some people are better equipped for it than others, but we can all learn how to manage. And there will be a time, sometimes seconds or minutes or even days, and months perhaps, when you will feel ok. How does it feel when your daughter smiles at you? How does it feel to take a long, warm, bath or an invigorating shower? How does it feel to eat a slice of cake or an apple or drink a glass of juice? How does it feel when you and your husband kiss? Even in the long difficult months you write about there were still moments of beauty, love and warmth. How incredible that is. Moments. That's what our life is made up of.

Lunar_Eclipse

alias*alibi wrote: »

Sorry it's been a particularly bad 4 months really, quite stressful and I guess it's taken its toll. It's not an option to sell the car as the new factory is based 15 miles away in the other direction from the old one which was 5 minutes away, so it will be needed; false economy to sell it then buy another.

Yes, I know about bad periods. We moved house last September; our house sale went pear shaped, so we bridged both (expensive: South East) houses and 2 days later DH, our single bread winner, was made redundant.

We then had a period of everyone being ill, parent being diagnosed with cancer (early 60's), a sudden and unexpected death in the family three days before Christmas and culminating with same cancer parent having a heart attack early February. And my best friend's husband died of cancer in October, so I was trying to support her too. I don't normally share private details like that on here, but I can tell you I had to dig deep to hold it all together at times and realised that I could only control my own attitude and behaviour and not what was being thrown at me. Thankfully, I can now see the light (touch wood.)

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

You can get through this, but you do need to know what you want to hold on to (marriage?) and what you want to change. And that the grass isn't always greener.

Lunar_Eclipse

Scattykatty - excellent post. One of the best I've ever read. I was going to say something similar: everyone has troubles. No-one actually has a bed of roses life.

amistupid

alias*alibi wrote: »

I'm not sure why I'm posting really; I needed to get it all out I guess. I'm on antidepressants but they are not working really.

I can sympathise with you. I once suffered from depression, when you're in this 'dark place' it's often difficult to see any light at the end of the tunnel. I found antidepressants helped a bit but didn't get to the root of the problem.

When you're depressed, minor problems become major problems and major problems become impossible to deal with. These negative thoughts and feelings can cause you to spiral downwards, it's like you're out of control. You begin to feel that everyone and everything is against you. You start to find it difficult to cope with everyday setbacks and often try to isolate yourself from them.

I was lucky enough to receive some cognitive behaviour therapy, nowadays unfortunately, due to cutbacks, I don't think it's so easily available. CBT teaches you coping mechanisms and how to think more positively.

I am just speaking from personal experience and not giving medical advice, but it may help you to read a book on CBT; if nothing else it may make you understand why you're feeling so low.

Hope you feel better soon.