I hate my life

onlyroz

Have you considered a career change or some retraining for yourself?

milliemonster

I think you need to take a step back, for instance you are very focussed on things you haven't achieved, and you measure that by belongings, ie a house you own, a newer car etc, it's easy to look at others and compare but you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

To the outside world, people would assume we are loaded and have got it made, we have a home we own (mortgage) 2 cars, one of which is brand new, good jobs and 2 great kids, but what people who know us don't know is the amount of debt we got into which led us to going into an iva a few years ago, this is now finished but obviously we can't access any credit at all for a long time, so the new car I have? It's leased through my work, the lovely house we have? 15 years of a mortgage and we have only paid off £10k of the equity due to having to stay on interest only throughout the iva which means we will have to heavily overpay to pay the damn thing off.

On top of that, our boiler broke in January we paid £200 to get it fixed but was told it was on its last legs and to look at getting it replaced in the summer, so we have been saving like mad to save the £3k we need to replace it (it's a oil boiler and they are expensive) as we have no access to a loan or credit, every day wondering if this is the day it goes, we have £2.5k saved now so almost there you would think, that was until we had an email from the boiler man to tell us yesterday it's now gone up to £3.5k so further out of reach.

Why am I telling you all this? Because when you look at others with envy of what you think they have achieved materialistically or how successful they have been in their lives, all may not be what it seems. I lost my mum 7 years ago when my son was only 5, I would give all the riches in the world to have her back, and it totally changed my outlook on life.

A successful life shouldn't be measured in cars and houses and 'stuff', but finding fulfilment in simple things, being healthy and happy, waking up each day and being thankful for being alive, being surrounded by family and friends who love you and care for you.

You need to focus more on experiencing things that make you smile and look forward to each day, rather than comparisons with others, don't look back, you can't change what has happened in Your life up to this point, you can only learn from your experiences and use them to make you stronger

BWZN93

I was about to say the same, no ones life is a bed of roses. We have friends whose family life looks perfect but the reality is so very different, family members who earn LOADS but can't have kids and hate their jobs with such a passion I don't know how they go in every day. My life looks great to outsiders, but I just had an ectopic pregnancy, I'm having to make a complaint about work and I only see my husband at the very most on weekends only.

What's the point of my crap story? Well, it's all about perspective. You can only be in control of so much and you've got into a rut and a situation where the negatives are outweighing the positives. Unfortunately, the only person that can dig out of this is you.

My mum once said that the key to a very happy life is to imagine a naughts and crosses board; with 9 squares. Fill each square with something; e.g a best friend, a husband, your children, a job you enjoy, a hobby you love, a form of exercise that you don't hate, something you're planning and looking forward to like a weekend away. if you only have two squares filled then you are likely to be bored, if all the boxes are filled but all of them need work then you are angry. Maybe you need to work on those empty boxes a bit.

benjus

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

Your car nealrly failed its MOT? How awful. I can totally understand why you might be so depressed. As for your husband, he's getting paid in full to do nothing? I always wondered what might happen if work burned down.

I'm wondering if the comments about material possessions and economic position are really about bitterness that the OP's husband has to pay child support to the woman he had the affair with.

Which is totally understandable, but I think the OP needs to accept the situation if she wants to continue with the marriage.

fannyadams

Caroline_a

Some really sensible advice on here. I do think that these days we want both a diagnosis and a cure (with pills) for everything that is wrong in life. Fed up? you must be depressed, have some pills. Too fat? eating disorder, have some surgery.

I am a great believer in the first person to help you has to be yourself. I simply do not believe that all the people who get given tablets for depression are all clinically depressed - how many of these are just a bit fed up, and would be miraculously cured by a large injection of cash or a new husband/wife? Yes, clinical depression is a horrible thing, but many people are a long way from that!

OP, try some of the simple things in life - go for a walk, do some gardening, have a catchup with friends or family. Stop trying to be something that you're not - if you can't buy a car for your daughter then you can't! End of. Just because there are things you can't afford, it doesn't make you a worse mother!

We live in such a materialistic society that only considers what you have, not what you are. Imagine how it would be if you had 2 options - no possessions at all, but your health, or every possession you could wish for but a paraplegic who can only communicate by blinking. I know which one I'd want to be!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You have a home with rent cheap enough to allow you to have two cars going, even with other expenses you never expected to be paying out.

You have a daughter. Who has a safe home and two parents.

Your OH wasn't injured in a terrible fire that destroyed the factory he worked in.

Your OH's wages are being paid because the employer had the sense to take out appropriate levels of insurance.

Your OH's employer hasn't closed down as a result of the loss of their premises. Nor have they got him sweeping the floors of the new place or made him redundant because they don't have the equipment for his specialised job anymore.


Correct me if I'm factually in the wrong, but;

The not being hurt or even killed in the fire seems to be the one where it is clearest that you're actually a very lucky family, doesn't it?.

Edwardia

The only one who can change your life is you.

calleyw

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Correct me if I'm factually in the wrong, but;
The not being hurt or even killed in the fire seems to be the one where it is clearest that you're actually a very lucky family, doesn't it?.

You would think so. he is getting paid but not getting overtime which is not guaranteed and should never be relied on.

September 9 years ago my whole world collapsed around me. my husband @ 44 had a stroke that nearly killed him. left him disabled and in the end I lost my marriage.

He was in hospital for nearly 3 and half months with no income. So our income halved over night. And then we had to fight to get what he was entitled to in benefits. As we never took our critical illness or income protection.

I am lucky as all I got was mental scars to deal with. My husband lost the use of his left hand and it will never recover. Walking causes him discomfort and pain and will only get worse as it causing discomfort in his hip now. He does not enjoy life and often says he does not want to go on as he finds life so hard. And often talks about chopping his left hand off.

So Yes life is hard.

Yours

Calley

alias*alibi

Thank you for all your wise words of advice. Calley I'm sorry to hear about your husband and his illness; of course none of my problems compare to that whatsoever and I wish you both well.

Jojo; yes everything you have said is correct and makes sense. I need to get out of the mindset of why do these things always happen to us.

Benjus, of course the CSA grates but it's got to be paid so not a lot I can do about that; I do try and see that in 15 years time it will feel like my husband has suddenly got a big payrise when it eventually stops so I don't dwell on it too much.

Funnily enough on loose woman today they talked about keeping a happy journal to beat depression so I'm going to either get myself a diary and write down each good thing that happens or the post it note jar and see that life does have its ups.