I hate my life

amistupid

OP please don't take offence but you seem very materialistic. If you're depressed it's often difficult to see the good things in your life and to think positively. Instead of thinking about those who are better off than you try to think of those who are much worse off.

alias*alibi

amistupid wrote: »

OP please don't take offence but you seem very materialistic. If you're depressed it's often difficult to see the good things in your life and to think positively. Instead of thinking about those who are better off than you try to think of those who are much worse off.

I know things could be much worse; I appreciate that. I think 5 years of being stuck in a rut has worn me down and I'm struggling to see how I can change things. But i take your comment on board.

Spendless

A few years ago as part of me returning back to work after raising a family, I did a course on self-development-self-awareness. We were all there for various different reasons but many of us were unhappy with our lot. The tutor broke down different aspects of our lives into bite-sized chunks and then we worked on improving that, we also at the same time looked at what we already had that was good, eg every week all of us had to start the group session with saying something that they were grateful for that week. Every week without fail I had something happen that was a 'highlight'. Possibly this was because I was more tuned in to looking for something good.

The course I did was an independent, but maybe if you go see your GP you could ask for some counselling.

jobbingmusician

Maybe make a list of small things that you'd like to change - so you'd like a new kettle and toaster, how can you earn that money so you can reward yourself with them? (Focus groups, surveys, ebay etc. )

I'm sorry, but this keeps coming back to me - how is your relationship with your OH's child? Have you considered having the child to stay, or taking him or her out for a day with your DD? It just feels to me as if falling in love with this little one might be the thing which melts the walls round your heart and helps you see the world differently.

And I don't know whether you've visited the debt board, but making some inroads on your debt WILL help you to feel more in control of your life, and less stamped on by everyone. (Which is how I'd feel I think, IIWY)

alias*alibi

jobbingmusician wrote: »

Maybe make a list of small things that you'd like to change - so you'd like a new kettle and toaster, how can you earn that money so you can reward yourself with them? (Focus groups, surveys, ebay etc. )

I'm sorry, but this keeps coming back to me - how is your relationship with your OH's child? Have you considered having the child to stay, or taking him or her out for a day with your DD? It just feels to me as if falling in love with this little one might be the thing which melts the walls round your heart and helps you see the world differently.

And I don't know whether you've visited the debt board, but making some inroads on your debt WILL help you to feel more in control of your life, and less stamped on by everyone. (Which is how I'd feel I think, IIWY)

Without going in to it in too much detail as I don't want to focus on this particularly, there is no relationship with the child as we have both been denied contact.

I visit the DFW board on occasions and have ebayed items and sold on a few Facebook selling sites which as kept up afloat a bit.

At the beginning of the year I bought a jar with the intentions of writing small happy things on a post it notes to put in the jar and then empty on New Year's Eve so that I could see good things had happened. I haven't done it yet so maybe I'll start that this week.

I hate the fact that I'm turning into a whingy bitter middle aged person who is one of those people who is negative about everything.

lostinrates

Regarding the material spends.

If I were tempted but a new kettle and toaster I'd come home and des ale and clean my kettle. I actually don't have a toaster as I hate cleaning up after them and find them clutter, so we use the grill of the cooker.

We are quite comfortably off yet have one car and its much older than either of yours. I don't say about the income to boast, but to point out that the situation cannot be fixed with money or buying things.

You don't want to be the things you say about your self in the last post. I think its impossible to switch from a very difficult compromised space to 'fixed' overnight, but you can make a start. Tonight.

You can think of three things I imagine to be grateful for.

I've counted more double that in your posts this evening. Make those notes, kiss that husband - if you have decided to make it work, jolly well enjoy it, and try and count these blessings each night. I think you could be up to ten rather quickly.....don't you?

FBaby

You are totally entitled to feel disatisfied with your life and want to make changes. It's not about the money though, it's about enjoying the rewards you earn for the hard work you put towards making changes.

If all you are focussing on is feeling envious/jealous that someone can afford to buy a new car for an 18yo, you are only going to grow bitter.

I could afford to buy a car for my children, but the first though I had when I read about it was that it was a total waste of money and not teaching the child the value of earning your due and they probably won't appreciate the car as they would if they had saved every week towards it.

It sounds that your main issue is that your life is made up of consequences you had no part in and can't do anything about it. You need to start taking control of your life so you are driving it rather than being a passenger. If money is the main issue, can you look into increasing your hours, looking for another job, retraining etc... Can you take on activities that will challenge you?

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

alias*alibi wrote: »

As the title says; I hate my life. It's a constant struggle and sometimes I want to run and never stop.

Me and DH have been back together for nearly 4 years following his affair but life has stood still, maybe even going backwards. Money is a constant struggle, still renting, struggled to upgrade to a 55 plate car, struggled to get the 02 plate through its MOT. Things were going ok ish then DH's factory caught fire and was badly damaged and has since been demolished so he hadn't actually been in work for nearly 4 months. He's being paid and I'm grateful he still has a job but has lost all his overtime and shift pay. Still no date on when the new factory will be up and running. Life never seems to work out for me. All of my friends go on foreign holidays, have nice houses, new cars etc. and then there's me. The realisation of how crap we are doing keeps me awake at night. I simply hate my life; apart from DD I feel there is nothing worth living for. I contemplate a single life without DH as I sometimes think he's has contributed hugely to this situation and I know that's being mean but I want to be 'free' of this life. I've no friends to socialise with as I don't really want people to get too close as I'm totally embarrassed of my life and don't want to be looked down on.

I'm not sure why I'm posting really; I needed to get it all out I guess. I'm on antidepressants but they are not working really.

Your car nealrly failed its MOT? How awful. I can totally understand why you might be so depressed. As for your husband, he's getting paid in full to do nothing? I always wondered what might happen if work burned down.

alias*alibi

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

Your car nealrly failed its MOT? How awful. I can totally understand why you might be so depressed. As for your husband, he's getting paid in full to do nothing? I always wondered what might happen if work burned down.

I'm not sure if this is your way of being sarcastic. The car failed its MOT and we struggled to get it out through as money is tight. Yes my DH might be getting paid but it's at basic level which is a big drop to what he was earning previously. Do you honestly think he wanted to be sat at home for 4 months doing 'nothing'? He was at work when the fire broke out and he raised the alarm and after standing outside for 2 hours in freezing temps watching the factory burn had an impact on him for a while. Yes we may all joke about wishing work would burn down but it's far from amusing when it actually does happen.

lostinrates

alias*alibi wrote: »

I'm not sure if this is your way of being sarcastic. The car failed its MOT and we struggled to get it out through as money is tight. Yes my DH might be getting paid but it's at basic level which is a big drop to what he was earning previously. Do you honestly think he wanted to be sat at home for 4 months doing 'nothing'? He was at work when the fire broke out and he raised the alarm and after standing outside for 2 hours in freezing temps watching the factory burn had an impact on him for a while. Yes we may all joke about wishing work would burn down but it's far from amusing when it actually does happen.

Does his contract stop him getting a top up second job in the interim?