I hate my life

alias*alibi

As the title says; I hate my life. It's a constant struggle and sometimes I want to run and never stop.

Me and DH have been back together for nearly 4 years following his affair but life has stood still, maybe even going backwards. Money is a constant struggle, still renting, struggled to upgrade to a 55 plate car, struggled to get the 02 plate through its MOT. Things were going ok ish then DH's factory caught fire and was badly damaged and has since been demolished so he hadn't actually been in work for nearly 4 months. He's being paid and I'm grateful he still has a job but has lost all his overtime and shift pay. Still no date on when the new factory will be up and running. Life never seems to work out for me. All of my friends go on foreign holidays, have nice houses, new cars etc. and then there's me. The realisation of how crap we are doing keeps me awake at night. I simply hate my life; apart from DD I feel there is nothing worth living for. I contemplate a single life without DH as I sometimes think he's has contributed hugely to this situation and I know that's being mean but I want to be 'free' of this life. I've no friends to socialise with as I don't really want people to get too close as I'm totally embarrassed of my life and don't want to be looked down on.

I'm not sure why I'm posting really; I needed to get it all out I guess. I'm on antidepressants but they are not working really.

London50

I cannot imagine just how you must be feeling but if as you say you are on antidepressants I would advise you to go back to your GP and have a word with them. Perhaps a better dose may help.
I know you have more than likely been told things will get better or there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I would think that is OK for people not in your position to say so I for one will not waste my time saying it. Go and see your GP, explain to them and see if they can give you something to help. Good luck and I do hope things get better for you and your situation soon.

jaylee3

alias*alibi wrote: »

As the title says; I hate my life. It's a constant struggle and sometimes I want to run and never stop.

Me and DH have been back together for nearly 4 years following his affair but life has stood still, maybe even going backwards. Money is a constant struggle, still renting, struggled to upgrade to a 55 plate car, struggled to get the 02 plate through its MOT.

Things were going ok ish then DH's factory caught fire and was badly damaged and has since been demolished so he hadn't actually been in work for nearly 4 months. He's being paid and I'm grateful he still has a job but has lost all his overtime and shift pay. Still no date on when the new factory will be up and running.

Life never seems to work out for me. All of my friends go on foreign holidays, have nice houses, new cars etc. and then there's me. The realisation of how crap we are doing keeps me awake at night. I simply hate my life; apart from DD I feel there is nothing worth living for.

I contemplate a single life without DH as I sometimes think he's has contributed hugely to this situation and I know that's being mean but I want to be 'free' of this life. I've no friends to socialise with as I don't really want people to get too close as I'm totally embarrassed of my life and don't want to be looked down on.

I'm not sure why I'm posting really; I needed to get it all out I guess. I'm on antidepressants but they are not working really.

I think your unhappiness in your relationship is making other relatively small issues seem bigger. Sounds like you may need to think seriously about whether this relationship is worth saving. If after 4 years you are still dwelling on his affair, that is not good.

What in your life has 'not happened' to make you say your life has 'not worked out?'

Have you spoke to your doctor or a counsellor?

I am sorry you feel rubbish and I don't mean to belittle as we all have a right to feel low, especially if our relationship is rubbish, but I was a bit taken aback by how little you feel you have. You say you are peed off at struggling to update the 55 car, and to get the 02 car through its MOT, but many people would be glad to have ONE car, let alone two, and many people I know have a car 12 plus years old, unless it's on finance.

Your husband is still being paid, and you work I am guessing? No kids as you haven't mentioned them.

And all the people you know who go on foreign holidays and have new cars and fancy 'owned' houses are probably up their neck in debt. Nobody's life is perfect OR as good as they would have you believe.

Like I said, I feel it's your bad relationship that is making everything else in your life seem crap, because it doesn't sound like you are bereft of many material possessions. And as I said, people who have bigger and better than you are probably in a LOT of debt.

And it ain't all that being a mortgage owner either.

j.e.j.

You sound very insecure, talking of friends who are better than you, and feeling ashamed of your own life which in your opinion does not match up to the ideal you would like to be living.

Antidepressants are ok for some people in some circumstances but they're not the panacea they're sometimes made out to be, and imo are too often prescribed.

Your problem is, you are comparing yourself to others who have more than you, and as long as you do that you'll always be miserable, no matter how well-off you are. There will always be someone who has more than you.

I wonder if CBT and positive thinking might be of use to you? It might help you to see things differently.

VfM4meplse

OP, I wonder how your OH feels? I can't believe it's just you feeling like this, he must share the same worries.

Why don't you start talking, and make it your responsibility to support each other as a priority? What you're describing is a downward-spiralling journey and you need to help each other through it. Once you're both more positive, life will get better - or at least feel a lot better, and surely you both deserve that much?

alias*alibi

Jaylee yes I have on daughter; it feels like she's my only reason for living at times.

We are in debt, the loss of DH's additional income isn't helping. I do work and I am grateful in that we both work it just feels like as soon as we seem to start getting on an even keel something comes along and upturns us again. I'm over my husbands affair, what I mean when I say that I feel he's hugely contributed to where we are in life is that he now has to pay CSA due to a child being born out if that affair and we should had been a lot more forward than we are if he hadn't messed about. So in that respect I get so frustrated and angry.

I think seeing an old school friend buying her daughter a brand new car for her 18th hit me hard; I can't even afford to provide my own roof over my daughters head let alone but her a new car when she turns 18. I think about all the years wasted hoping things would change but they haven't despite me trying and can't ever see things changing.

I've had counselling and I've been on anti-d's for years. I'm tired of my life.

dancingfairy

I don't think anti -depressants are a magic wand or help in all circumstances but when they work well they can help you see the situation more clearly and begin to think about ways to make changes. It is hard when everything seems so overwhelming though.
If you feel the anti depressants aren't helping them maybe you need to speak to the doctor about changing the dosage or maybe trying a different brand or type.
In terms of struggling with your life etc, is there something you could change, maybe just something small to start feeling that you are getting back in control of things?
df

j.e.j.

alias*alibi wrote: »

I'm over my husbands affair, what I mean when I say that I feel he's hugely contributed to where we are in life is that he now has to pay CSA due to a child being born out if that affair and we should had been a lot more forward than we are if he hadn't messed about. So in that respect I get so frustrated and angry.

Oh my goodness, I don't blame you for being angry.

I don't think you're "over" the affair and nor can you be expected to be if he's fathered a child with the other woman. I'm not sure I would be so forgiving!!

dancingfairy

I think a lot of people would be struggling under the circumstances. Not only did he cheat on you but he had created an extra financial burden.
Do you think counselling/talking therapy would help? Either on your own or joint/relationship counselling?
df

alias*alibi

j.e.j. wrote: »

Oh my goodness, I don't blame you for being angry.

I don't think you're "over" the affair and nor can you be expected to be if he's fathered a child with the other woman. I'm not sure I would be so forgiving!!

I'm over it as far as his cheating goes etc and I don't think about it nowhere near as much as I used to. It's where we are in life that gets me down and I know we'd be so much further forward if he hasn't messed up. I feel other people still must think I'm a mug and look at me empathicly as to the huge mess my life is. I'm bitter about my life and feel like I need to make a change but what. To be fair to DH he does loads round the house and really does make a difference in that respect; he's very domesticated.

I dunno, life sucks but I don't know how to change it. Today I was going to buy a new kettle and toaster and that would had given me a lift (stupid I know) but not for long then I'd worry about money again. I buy things in a bid to polish a turd (renting), excuse the pun, but it doesn't work.

Flyonthewall

alias*alibi wrote: »

I think about all the years wasted hoping things would change but they haven't despite me trying and can't ever see things changing.

I think this is the issue. You're overthinking things and you are overthinking what has happened in the past. You can not change the past.

Things may not have gone how you planned, but you can still do something to change the future.

So from now on you need to put the past behind you and stop comparing yourself to others as well. For one, you have no idea if those people are in debt due to their lifestyle and two, money doesn't equal happiness.

If money is an issue perhaps write down a list of everything you spend money on each month. See where you can cut back, look out for discounts/voucher codes on things you need, use a cashback site to get some money back when you buy etc. In the long run you'll be able to save for the better things and not be in debt.

It might help you to start socialising more. You don't have to discuss your life or money situation. Just go out and have fun with people every so often.

Also, maybe spend more time with your family. Look up events and places in your local area or just go on a walk together somewhere (maybe go out for the day somewhere to walk around somewhere different). It doesn't have to cost anything, there are places you can visit for free.

Overall, just try and think more positive. Your partner does still have a job and will eventually start working again, you have a family, you have more than a lot of people and things can and will get better in time.