best friends child and my baby

Mojisola

sharon4adam wrote: »

fair enough shes at an age where shes learning.

She won't learn her behaviour is unacceptable unless someone tells her!

I wouldn't have put up with at all. The first time I would have expected her mother to intervene; if she didn't, the second time the child behaved badly I'd have said something like - "we don't do that/behave like this in this house".

heuchera

I can't believe this friend is allowing her toddler to hit a tiny baby, unbelievable!

Sometimes the friends themselves are nice people but they just aren't good at parenting. I know a couple like this, they're lovely people but their kids (aged 5 and 3) are right little so-and-sos!

It isn't the kids fault, though, they've never been disciplined properly. They just go into other people's houses and they hurl large toys down the stairs, break things, don't listen to a word adults say when you try to tell them something, they're just horrible kids to have around.

I think if I were you OP my instinct would have kicked in by now and I'd be protecting my baby daughter. Maybe have her on your lap while you're talking to your friend, or tell the toddler she's not to smack your child. A two year old is old enough to understand the word No.

pickledonionspaceraider

I would stop contact with this woman, she's a step away from being on Jeremy Kyle

balletshoes

pollypenny wrote: »

What sort of mother would allow her toddler to behave like that? She's clearly frightening your baby and sometimes hurting her.

I would tell the child off, firmly and without raising your voice,in front of your friend. If she objects, tough. End of friendship.

yep i would too - your house, your rules, so if toddler is misbehaving/being mean/climbing on furniture and you don't like it, you tell her no, you tell her to stop. if your friend doesn't back you up or takes offence, tough, it will just make it easier for you as she won't be so keen to come round and lounge about in your house while you could be off doing nicer things.

theoretica

Also your baby, your rules. I am sure you will meet more people you need to tell how to treat her.

duchy

I'm wondering how you define friend.
This woman sounds like an acquaintance
I'd get out more yourself to Mum and baby groups and meet more people who don't allow their older children to behave like savages, Toddlers will push limits - tis the nature of their development - but this goes way beyond that.

Meet up with your friend without the kids perhaps - but honestly she must see you aren't happy -but doesn't seem bothered. I could understand you not wanting to say anything to a newish friend but after eight years surely you can tell her how her behaviour in not stopping her child from hurting yours is affecting you.

barbiedoll

Toddlers can be horrible creatures. My son is a year older than my friend's son and when the children were small, she would pop round on Friday evenings for a natter and a cup of tea. When my son was around 2 years old, he got quite jealous of the baby and would snatch toys away, he would try to move the baby's car seat around so that he couldn't see the telly. And if I took the baby for a cuddle, he would climb on my lap and try to push the baby away!

Obviously, he was told off for this behaviour. If the baby was playing with one of his old toys and he didn't like it, I would tell him that the toy is for little babies and that he was allowed to play with big boys toys, I'd then get a toy for him and try to distract him. My friend was very good, she would get on the floor to play with him, telling him that "the baby was not very good at playing" and she'd make a big fuss of him, obviously realising that he was just jealous of another kid being in the house. I always told her that if my son played up, she was perfectly entitled to discipline him too, and she did so if necessary.

Your friend's daughter is jealous and doesn't know how to handle her emotions. Her mother either doesn't realise what is happening or is too scared of her daughter to do anything about it. If you want to carry on seeing your friend, you'll have to discipline her daughter yourself, as is your right in your own home. You don't have to put up with another kid's bad behaviour, especially if it puts your baby at risk. If you (or her) had two kids, you'd be doing this on a hourly basis!

Speak up and don't let the little one bully your baby (or you). You're doing her a favour in the long run!

sharon4adam

thankyou for all your replies. i am going to go to hers thursday afternoon just for an hour or two and if its a nightmare again i am going to say to her its probs best to either go to the park or us meet up occasionally at night for a pub meal.

it is the kid feeling jelous. until my daughter was born she got undivided attention. her parents work so shes with different people in the week but remains the only kid.

she has books here and teddies. alot of my daughters stuff is for babies but, i put cbeebies on and give her a snack and chat to her. shes never sat for long and played because shes been allowed to walk around the kitchen and leave the living room since she first learnt to walk. she climbs in there windows. she climbs up drawers. she was stripping the christmas tree everyday at christmas. i can remember all the baubles being chucked in with all her toys. shes never had boundries. i get so miffed when she goes in my dining room and carries my me to you ornaments around. but her mum thinks its ok to let her. i will babyproof when my daughters bigger but she will also be told no.

thanks again. some good advice.

like i say none of it the kids fault. her mum needs to start teaching her.

peachyprice

sharon4adam wrote: »

my friend wants to meet again tues or thurs. im really not in the mood to deal with it anymore but how can i say it. like i say ive tried suggesting other things but she just wants to sit at home. she is my only friend other than mates me and my partner see together. its nothing againts her child but she clearly does not like my baby at the min and my daughter is more important.

how can i sort this? sorry for long post. shes always been allowed to climb. roam the house. touch anything etc. shes a really tiring kid at the mo

I would just say to her, the better weather is coming, you don't want to be sat indoors all day so you're going to playgroup/M&T/park/swimming, she's welcome to come but if she doesn't want to you'll see her another time. And leave it like that, don't back down, don't let her come round, don't agree to go to hers.

You need to break the cycle and by doing so and getting out there with your daughter you'll meet new friends, with nice children (hopefully!)

Mrshaworth2b

The child's behaviour to your baby is wrong and the mum is wrong for not correcting or disciplining, if it had been my baby the other child would have been told by now.

However I do wonder if the toddler is bored, babies toys are not stimulating for a toddler and neither are cartoons, as I've said the behaviour is wrong full stop but have you both made sure that the chd is not bored as well?

I know from experience that my son won't just sit watching cartoons for more than half hour for me to have a phone call chat so I wouldn't expect him to sit there while I had a friend round.