best friends child and my baby

missbiggles1

sharon4adam wrote: »

i would love us to go for walks. theres loads of woods and a national trust area close by. shes one of them drivers who wont walk further than the corner shop lol. we went into town in her car twice since my daughter has been born. i wanted to walk into town that day but she said her feet were aching. it was so hard forcing my pram in her boot. trying to strap my babyseat in by leaning over. i normally get in the back to strap it in. then her buggy has to fit on the back floor. its just easier to walk or bus it. but she wont do it.

i understand some of it is her kid playing up. but im sure she would love running about in the national trust park or whatever.

when my daughter is abit bigger i can use her as a reason to go to the park etc but at the mo its hopeless. shes put her into nursery thursday mornings. but she understandably wont meet then as she cleans up. she also said her daughter likes to see me.

my friend is just lazy. before her daughter was born we went shopping in other towns or out for lunch. its just a horrible situation. if i stop seeing her ive given up my main friendship and will only have my other half and our joint friends. apart of me knows her kid will grow up and change but the other part of me thinks is she going to be a nasty kid.

i understand some people think i should just be honest but its going to really offend her. she will use the.. you have all this to come saying... but to me all toddlers do these things to some extent. but its our jobs as parents to guide them.

ive tried gentle verbal disipline but it ends up with her just playing tug of war with me. thanks for letting me get things of my chest.

What's the point in having a "friend" who doesn't want to do the same things as you do and has such different values? That's not friendship, that's just being desparate - why not try some new activities and make real friends?

Joanthebone

A 'part of you knows she will grow up and change' ?? Really?


I would not bet on it!


In the meantime your baby is at risk and you are not venturing into any new activities or friendships.


I would drop this woman and her evil child like a hot brick. Have you looked into any toddler/baby/NCT groups you can join in your area?

theoretica

You will need to toddler proof your home soon enough, so would it help to make a start now. Maybe gate off a 'safe' room or area and keep the chaos contained.

Errata

In summary, this has already happened to your infant -

pulling her arms around. forcing the dummy into her lips
scream in her face
my baby started screaming. she had a pink mark on her head.
snatching teethers of her and snarling MINE at her.
banged her fist onto the toy bar and yelled mine in her face again.
she tipped the bouncer.
she trashes my house
pinches her sterilsed dummys and bottles
she snatches her toys of my daughter and says mine

i know my daughter will get hurt one of these days.

For goodness sake, get a grip and keep your infant away from the child. You're responsible for protecting your child, do so.

fabforty

sharon4adam wrote: »

thankyou for all your replies. i am going to go to hers thursday afternoon just for an hour or two and if its a nightmare again i am going to say to her its probs best to either go to the park or us meet up occasionally at night for a pub meal.

it is the kid feeling jelous. until my daughter was born she got undivided attention. her parents work so shes with different people in the week but remains the only kid.

she has books here and teddies. alot of my daughters stuff is for babies but, i put cbeebies on and give her a snack and chat to her. shes never sat for long and played because shes been allowed to walk around the kitchen and leave the living room since she first learnt to walk. she climbs in there windows. she climbs up drawers. she was stripping the christmas tree everyday at christmas. i can remember all the baubles being chucked in with all her toys. shes never had boundries. i get so miffed when she goes in my dining room and carries my me to you ornaments around. but her mum thinks its ok to let her. i will babyproof when my daughters bigger but she will also be told no.

thanks again. some good advice.

like i say none of it the kids fault. her mum needs to start teaching her.

Why? Sorry but I just don't understand that.

Her child treats your child badly, why do you feel the need to keep putting yourself there, or will you wait until she really hurts her.
You mentioned going to soft play and other things. Why don't you do that? You will meet other mums and other children, instead of seeming to cling desperately to a 'friendship' that patently isn't working. I am sorry to sound harsh, I was sympathetic at first but the fact that so much as happened and you still keep putting your child in that position, is just ridiculous.
You should be more concerned about your child's safety, than offending this woman.

cte1111

I would ask your friend to stop her child from doing whatever it is that is a problem, e.g. "Please can you stop Hayley from picking up my ornaments?". I'd also talk directly to the child, "We don't carry ornaments around because they are fragile and break easily".

I can understand the little girl being jealous of the attention that your new baby is getting but it sounds like this is only part of a bigger problem of a lack of boundaries. Children can learn that in some other houses, they have different rules. My parents never baby proofed their house, my Dad collected antiques but my children were taught never to pick them up and they didn't. It wasn't a risk I wanted to take in my own home, so fragile items were put out of reach but they knew not to touch Grandad's things.

jaylee3

I cannot believe what I'm reading here. The OP knows that her baby is being treated badly, yet she doesn't seem to be doing much to stop it. The mother of the kiddie bullying the OP's daughter is not too bothered that her daughter is a little monster, and it's technically not the child's fault as she is not being given any boundaries, but you cannot keep seeing this woman, and making excuses for her child.

Your daughter's safety and welfare is at stake here, yet you seem to be ignoring this, and putting your daughter in harm's way!

I cannot believe you have said all this!

pulling her arms around. forcing the dummy into her lips
scream in her face
my baby started screaming. she had a pink mark on her head.
snatching teethers of her and snarling MINE at her.
banged her fist onto the toy bar and yelled mine in her face again.
she tipped the bouncer.
she trashes my house
pinches her sterilsed dummys and bottles
she snatches her toys of my daughter and says mine

i know my daughter will get hurt one of these days.

... and yet you continue to see this woman and her daughter?

Like I said, I can't believe what I am reading!

heuchera

I hope OP is not offended by the responses, it's just that going by what she's written on here, alarm bells should definitely be ringing.

The friend might be a nice person but you need to keep the toddler away from the baby before she really gets hurt.

Birdie85

Much of the issue I'm picking up here is that this is your only friend. Having a new baby is a perfect way to make new friends! Get in touch with your local Children's Centre for the free groups (they may shut down many of them over summer so go now to make some contacts with other mums to meet up with whilst there's nothing on!), there are often play groups at Churches during the week or if you can afford it, join Baby Sensory, Sing & Sign, Water Babies etc. Go to classes that cater for babies, not toddlers, so there's no worries about boisterous older children hurting your baby.

As for the little girl's behaviour, there's no excuse for it. Not even the terrible twos. My nephew is older than my DS but he was never anything but gentle with him from birth, because he was taught to be gentle with babies. I would be telling her off, and I wouldn't care if it offended my 'friend', if she questioned it, I'd ask why she was allowing her child to hurt my baby, who is too young to defend herself, or even understand why this horrible 'big kid' is hurting her! :mad:

paddy's_mum

You said that as parents, it's our job to guide children.

Correct.

But it's even more your job to keep your helpless baby away from danger.

Do it!

Which is the more frightening prospect - your baby seriously injured or a so-called friend being offended?

For heaven's sake, grow a backbone. You do love your child, I take it?