best friends child and my baby

David301

I asked my wife about this thread and she read half way down the original post, handed me my phone back and said,

" I can't be bothered to read any more, if she can't tell her to stop her child from upsetting the baby then she can't be much of a friend! What's she going to do when social services get contacted because the baby is covered in bruises? blame her friends toddler?! "

I love my wife, she is always very good with these things!

Mojoworking

I sometimes think people use me as I have very clear boundaries so after I've said "no"or "stop" then when THEIR child does something they go "ohhh you best stop it or mojo will tell you off". It really p's me off.

My sister did it after the 3rd consecutive meal of her 16 month old dumping full plates of food on the floor and laughing ( cos she laughs I might add) and I just smiled sweetly and siad "auntie mojo couldn't care less as you'll be cleaning it not me and your reinforcing it by laughing so why would he care what I say when his mum is happy. "

I know I am a used as a threat and as much as I try to keep my gob shut if someone (adults included) are doing things I don't understand or feel uncomfortable with I will question why and then challenge it if I feel it is mean naughty etc I am not an angel or especially moral but can't bear horrible kids or inequality and other people try to use me to do their dirty work.

If this mum is looking to you to discipline and educate her kid in social niceties she needs to jog on and manage her own kid herself. If she wants you to tolerate it you need to extract yourself.

No one is perfect or perfectly consistent but if you in your heart of hearts know this isn't healthy fir your baby walk away. But be mindful that everyone has different ideas of right and wrong and you're going to meet some characters but put yourself out there and have fun. This time goes so fast don't be miserable enjoy it x

liuhutOz

I have to say that I would not be putting my baby in harms way, I would be cancelling the next meet up and suggesting meeting on your own. I just don't understand why you would want to put your baby in that situation again, she might be your friend but she certainly isn't acting like one

enthusiasticsaver

Allowing a toddler to be mean to a baby is wrong, whether it is your friend or yourself who is allowing that to happen. Teaching the toddler to be careful around young babies is one of the first lessons they should learn so if your "friend" will not correct the toddler or the toddler takes no notice then then you must or stop seeing her or say you are going out to make a change and maybe the toddler would act better away from the house. I would say join a mother and baby group anyway to expand your social group. This women screams "bad parent" to me anyway if she refuses to discipline her child so why would you want her around your child?

Errata

it started off with my baby at 2 weeks old. she was being sweet but pulling her arms around. forcing the dummy into her lips and just normal stuff like that

None of that is remotely like "normal stuff" and I'd have been on nuclear alert after that instance.

moomoomama27

Quite often toddlers behaviour is erratic, they can be jealous and mean, and are only just starting to ,earn boundaries. My second child was an awful toddler, she would push, hit, snatch etc.... However she was always fiscal lined, if she hit she was in time out, if she didn't stop her behaviour we left the group, play date, whatever!

Eventually she learned, and thankfully my friends were understanding that I was doing my best! This 'friend' is no friend if she's not stepping in to protect a vulnerable baby.

I agree, you need to either discipline her yourself, have a word with your friend that you aren't happy that your baby is being hurt, or quit the friendship!

ciderwithrosie_2

Sounds like the friend's daughter could do with getting outside and running around if she's climbing the furniture at home and can't sit still. She's got a lot of energy that needs burning off.

When mine were little and were doing my head in because the weather wasn't great, I'd put them in old clothes and wellies and take them for a run round the bike track over the park, up and down the little hills and through the big puddles. They'd come back, have a nice bath and be good as gold after that!

I know the mother is your friend but she sounds bloody hopeless - has she always been so apathetic, or is it since she became a mum?

amistupid

Even at such a young age I worry about your friend's child. Most of the kids I dealt with were never given any parental discipline.

sharon4adam

i would love us to go for walks. theres loads of woods and a national trust area close by. shes one of them drivers who wont walk further than the corner shop lol. we went into town in her car twice since my daughter has been born. i wanted to walk into town that day but she said her feet were aching. it was so hard forcing my pram in her boot. trying to strap my babyseat in by leaning over. i normally get in the back to strap it in. then her buggy has to fit on the back floor. its just easier to walk or bus it. but she wont do it.

i understand some of it is her kid playing up. but im sure she would love running about in the national trust park or whatever.

when my daughter is abit bigger i can use her as a reason to go to the park etc but at the mo its hopeless. shes put her into nursery thursday mornings. but she understandably wont meet then as she cleans up. she also said her daughter likes to see me.

my friend is just lazy. before her daughter was born we went shopping in other towns or out for lunch. its just a horrible situation. if i stop seeing her ive given up my main friendship and will only have my other half and our joint friends. apart of me knows her kid will grow up and change but the other part of me thinks is she going to be a nasty kid.

i understand some people think i should just be honest but its going to really offend her. she will use the.. you have all this to come saying... but to me all toddlers do these things to some extent. but its our jobs as parents to guide them.

ive tried gentle verbal disipline but it ends up with her just playing tug of war with me. thanks for letting me get things of my chest.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

One flouncing woman (if she can summon up the energy to flounce) - or a baby with bruises/toddler squished across your carpet underneath the bookcase.

What would you rather have?


Yes, small children can be vile little beasts at times. But they aren't generally aggressive towards babies. Not to that extent. (I do wonder if mum or dad is a bit physical and shouty towards the kid in private, by the way - it's possible for there to be two completely different versions of parenting in public and private - I did know somebody else whose kids were little gits and she was vile to them behind closed doors, so much so they were being monitored by school as potentially being at risk)