Here we can all be heard for a little while

calleyw

code monkey sorry to hear about you and your DH.

Yours

Calley

calleyw

I know there is no so thing as normal.

But what is normal in a relationship.

I am so lost about that . I am now scared to have one now. As I am sure I am going to just mess it all up.

As mine and there expectations are so different.

I said earlier about my friend who does not let me know and just turns up when ever he wants. Claims he is going to phone and does not.

I just think I am never going to have another relationship. Have someone who loves and cares about me.

I have little self confidence and just need to break out of the cycle and at a lost how to.

Oh well. I never thought at 40 I was going to be single. And hoped that by now at nearly 43 I would not be.

yours

Calley

codemonkey

Calley, I'm going to give you some advice that I wish someone had given me when I was single. The one who holds all the cards here is you.

This person has shown that he is not going to change. You can't make him change. But you can change your reaction to his behaviour. Do you feel that the way he is treating you is all you deserve because its not and you're worth more than that.

If he says he's not coming then arrives without telling you, just because he shows up, doesn't mean you have to let him in. You don't have to take his calls or answer his texts. Making yourself 100% available to this person is just allowing him to treat you badly.

I don't think women today realise just how much power we yield and give it away. Instead, learn to harness it and use it to your own advantage, not his.

How does your relationship with this person make you feel the majority of the time? Because if it's negative this is not the person for you.

Pyxis

Code I agree 100% and was just going to say as much!

Calley, I hadn't realised he was a man, he had sounded like a dippy girl! His relationship with you is all on his terms. He ignores you most of the time, and only contacts you when it suits him.
Code is right.....if he doesn't ring when he says he will, let it go.....do other things, but don't text him. If he turns up, having said he won't, and it's not convenient, tell him so!
This so smacks of taking advantage. Dare I ask, and you don't have to answer this, is the relationship a physical one? If so, I think you know what I'm thinking.....

You're pulling yourself up by your boot strings and trying hard to get well again and succeeding, if I may say so. The last thing you need is someone dragging you down with false promises and let-downs. If you want to, enjoy his company on the rare occasion he graces you with his presence, but the rest of the time, put it to one side and get on with getting well.
You owe it to yourself to find friends who don't throw hissy fits when you stand up for yourself and who show you some respect. :A




Re. Cowshed stuff. I didn't find the Horny Cow body scrub much different from other shower stuff. However, don't know if it was a coincidence or placebo, but after using the Sleepy Cow Calming Pillow Mist, I had a very good night's sleep! (It contains Lemon Myrtle, Melissa, Valerian, St. John's Wort and Lady's Mantle. Also contains Orange, Olive, Clary Sage, Chamomile, yang ylang, Lavender, Linden, Neroli.) Smells quite lemony.

Will probably try some of the other Cowshed things, to see what they're like!

jobbingmusician

special relationship hugs (ooo errr, that sounds dodgy. I mean hugs to make you feel better about relationships!) to code and calley ((()))

Slugs are soooo cute! And SOOOOO passionate... have a look at this to change the way you see them forever! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2KdC7F5WJI

Pyxis

I agree. Slugs, and all creatures, are beautiful and valid. In small doses. However, I get upset when my hostas are reduced to stalks!

Ditto many other plants.

I don't mind a bit of a nibble here and there, but .........nothing left of the plant is grrrrr!

Pyxis

codemonkey wrote: »

Nope. He said he's not sad anymore. I'm wondering if he wants rid of me now

I wouldn't even mind if I had been feeling sad but I wasn't. I just asked if he was ok cause his friend's wife had a baby.

((((((((((((Code))))))))))))))
Oh dear.
Any chance of a long talk?

codemonkey

Pyxis wrote: »

((((((((((((Code))))))))))))))
Oh dear.
Any chance of a long talk?

Long talks aren't really my thing. I'm much better at long sulks, followed by volcanic explosions I told him I wasn't going anywhere and if he wants to leave, he knows where the door is. I also told him that it was very hurtful to say that he wouldn't mind if I left. He said he actually would mind.

Pyxis

codemonkey wrote: »

Long talks aren't really my thing. I'm much better at long sulks, followed by volcanic explosions I told him I wasn't going anywhere and if he wants to leave, he knows where the door is. I also told him that it was very hurtful to say that he wouldn't mind if I left. He said he actually would mind.

Sounds like he's a bit depressed. And maybe scared that you'll leave him. Does he need reassurance? And/or a hug?

Georgiegirl256

Hugs code and Calley (((hugs)))

I think Pyxis is right code, he's kinda putting it out there before you turn round and say you're leaving him. But, he should also know that you wouldn't, because you've told him that before. It seems like he's just feeling abit insecure at the moment maybe? Maybe because of the friends baby?

Calley, code and pyxis are right. You can't change the way he acts, so change the way you act. Don't sit there waiting for a text or a call. If you get one, then good, if you don't, who cares? Don't text him or call him, just leave it. If he pops round unexpected but you're doing something, then tell him. Hopefully by adapting your behaviour, he might change his?