Here we can all be heard for a little while

heartbreak_star

MU - my squad's walkon music at competitions is Fallen Angels

HBS x

mellymoo74

Big hugs Georgie,
When my dad died me and OH split up for 3 months he also doesnt do sharing and is prone to a sulk.
So my advice is dont make any big decisions

onomatopoeia99

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Seethign in silence isn;tt a great feeling is it? I hate being ignored by someone. I prefer to talk things through. One of my exes used the silent treatment on me and it just made the resentment build and build. Maybe its a man thing?

It's a man thing. Sort of.

I'm talking in huge generalities here, but my experience is that many women seem to talk about how they are feeling, the state of their relationship, how their partner is annoying them or whatever with their female friends in a sort of mutual support network. That simply does not exist between men - I'll talk to my male friends about stuff I'm doing to the house, the state of my (permanently in pieces at the moment) racing car, politics, other hobbies etc (none of them seem terribly interested in my attempts to learn the Italian language!), but not anything about what's going on inside a relationship if I'm in one.

So there is a difference in being used to communicating about this sort of thing, making it more difficult to open up inside a relationship and express feelings when there's a problem. The silent treatment when there's a problem can be down to not being able to find the words to express what is being felt and it leads to increasing feelings of isolation, making such communication more and more difficult.

After a really painful experience in my past around communication and the end of a relationship (and in that case, it was her not telling me how she felt rather than vice versa), I try very hard to make sure I don't bottle things up and talk about this stuff to girlfriends - not that there's been one of them for a long time .



On an entirely different subject, where is tea? Seems like ages since she posted (although given how fast this topic moves it might not be, or I might have missed something)

Pyxis

I've PMed her, this morning, but haven't heard anything yet.

Stoodles

I was courageously weeding the front garden, but the neighbours came out and started doing theirs so I've come in to hide.

And now I can't go back, because they will think I was avoiding them - which I was of course, bit it's not them it's me. They are actually really nice people.

Georgiegirl256

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Big hugs, Georgie. We are all sitting right there with you. I totally understand why you are upset, I would be very hurt. Would it work if you wrote him a letter explaining how you feel? I used to do that during the first few years of my relationship with WaSp, he used to be a huge sulker and would sit in silence and refuse to talk about issues. After much eventual talking I realised it was because he didn't think very highly of himself so whenever I said I wasn't happy he saw it as confirmation that I thought he was horrid in general which wasn't the case at all. I was trying to say one thing he did upset me, he interpreted it as I hated everything about him and was about to leave him. I found out a couple of years ago that he kept the letters, in fact he carries one in his wallet. He's a soppy thing, really.

I am also a talk it out person, not a sulker at all and it really used to upset me to get the silent treatment. What I did learn though was if you can do it, try to ignore it. Sulking only works if the other person notices. !

I've tried in the past with the letters, it doesn't really work with him unfortunately.

I do ignore him now. It's easier and it's best to let him snap out of it in his own time. Besides, I can't be bothered with it anymore, grown ups who sulk, it's best to leave them to it.

Pyxis wrote: »

Georgie, thanks for that.
It sounds like a long talk might be in order. There might be something really worrying him. Or maybe you are both getting a bit fed up with each other. Whatever it is, a good long talk might reap dividends, if only to stop resentments festering?

Easier said than done with him. Even when things are sorted and we're talking again, he just shuts me down and refuses to talk, it's soooo irritating! He came down and gave me a hug but I still had to drag it out if him what was bothering him....work apparently. I told him why not just tell me that, and don't take things out on me. Hopefully things are ok now, but things are bugging me more than usual if I'm honest, it's like my eyes have been opened.

Birdie85 wrote: »

Big hugs Georgie, it's awful being stuck in limbo like that, in the midst of an argument but you're not sure what you're arguing about! My DH can be quite immature about dealing with his feelings so when he's not feeling great he goes all quiet and sulky and takes it out on me. This is how his Dad treated his family so it's kind of understandable, but very annoying for me! At least now he'll be a grump for a day or 2 then once I snap at him about it it shakes him a bit and he'll come up to me a bit later to tell me what's wrong. It's only taken 9 years to get to this stage though! Hopefully in another 9 years he will tell me what's wrong before he gets the grumps!

We can only hope eh? :rotfl: Good point, if we only knew what we were meant to be arguing/ignoring each other about in the first place it would be a help!

Would a couple of sessions with a counsellor help you both? Or is he one of these men who refuse to accept any help from someone like that because 'everything is fine'?!

The latter. I don't think he'd even contemplate it, but tbh, I don't think I would either.

Has anyone heard from Tea? I'm worried about her!

Me too, I hope she's ok.

Anyhow, enough about me, how's everyone else today? This thread is such a brilliant place to have a rant and to talk things through. There's always someone on hand to lend an ear and to give advice. Thank you all! Oh, and nice to get a mans POV too, thanks onomatopoeia99!

Pyxis

Stoodles wrote: »

I was courageously weeding the front garden, but the neighbours came out and started doing theirs so I've come in to hide.

And now I can't go back, because they will think I was avoiding them - which I was of course, bit it's not them it's me. They are actually really nice people.

You could have come in to have your lunch! Go back out with a sandwich or cup of tea and ask them how they're getting on?

Georgiegirl256

Stoodles wrote: »

I was courageously weeding the front garden, but the neighbours came out and started doing theirs so I've come in to hide.

And now I can't go back, because they will think I was avoiding them - which I was of course, bit it's not them it's me. They are actually really nice people.

Our neighbours on one side do that, but they're miserable (not saying you are of course :eek: just that they are) you're lucky if you get a grunt hello off them! I don't mind though, as it means I get to do my gardening in peace! :rotfl: The neighbour the other side is lovely, I always end up having a good crack with him!

Well done on tackling the weeds! The pesky little things seem to pop up everywhere. :mad:

Bluebell68

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Sounds like you've had it hard Calley. People do often overlook the carers and never think to ask how they are and how they're coping.

Well, he's just stropped off upstairs without a word. If I haven't done anything wrong, then whys he ignoring me? Why make me feel like I have? Probably because I dared ask him what was up with him. Why can't he just tell me what the hell is up? I feel like shouting "grow up you child!" but am restraining myself, and sitting here crying instead.

I totally understand how you are feeling

like that in my house to often its mean n cruel he no's upsets me still does it

was how it was in his life growing up I do no that
not his fault he says but then my mother was a bully towards me and both parents drank

I never hurt bullied or hurt my kids and im not a drinker

so how can it be ok for 1 person to be same as there parents cruel hurtful mean minded
but their partner is nothing like hers? I chose to be nothing like them to be better person not treat my kids how I was treated

Head up hunni smile you may not feel like it but give it ago

Everyone on the huge massive sofas I've made tea and cakes
bought loads of biscuits we can sit and natter

big hugs to everyone
love Bluebell

Pyxis

Thanks Bluebell!